Come let us celebrate Independence Day - a prose

Come let us celebrate Independence Day - a prose

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My experiences with road rage

May contain adult content and to be read only by those comfortable with such stuff.

Now that I have been driving for the past one year, I have been a part of road rage. I have received and shown ire more than a few times. There have been a few occasions when I have given back witty replies which totally shut out the ire of other driver.

Here I was in the beginning of my driving experience and on an empty road going at a very slow pace, a SUV overtook me and asked “Are you driving a bullock cart?” I replied “Yes boss, I have just painted it red and put a steering to it”.

Once more, I was driving uphill and a goods tempo was ahead of me. Going uphill, I should have switched to 2^nd gea,r given that I was still a beginner, but chose to drive in the 3^rd gear. All of a sudden the tempo driver took a right turn and my engine got switched off while applying the brake. Consequently, a Swift which was coming behind also got switched off. The Swift guy overtook me and told “F*** you”. I just replied “Thanks but I am straight”. He had a great sense of humor and laughed it off.

Everybody who drives a four wheeler considers two wheelers as a nuisance on the road and vice versa. Here was one two wheeler trying to overtake me from a narrow opening available on the right but I did not give him way. Finally he managed to curve around the divider and overtake me. To celebrate his victory, he showed me his middle finger. We had to stop at the same place in different lanes. The guy was heavily built and there was no way I would get into an argument with him. When the signal was about to go green, I rolled down my windows and asked him “Boss, yours is so small”. Before he could react, I was off in a fizz and he could not change lanes.

Here I would like to end this piece with this forwarded email on road rage.

GARBAGE TRUCK

One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport. We were  

driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a  

parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes,  

skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!

The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I   mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that?   This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the  

Garbage Truck' He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks.   They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger,   and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a   place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it   personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the   routine life.

Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do   not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so......   'Love

the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

As very rightly said quote:-

Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!

Road Rage is not good for your physical and mental health. Just ignore small mistakes by others. There is nothing you achieve by swearing and cursing at others. If the mistake has caused substantial damage to you or your vehicle, just call the traffic cop. You need not lose your dignity and health having a slanging match in the middle of a road.

The Tramp and Travelling Salesman

The Tramp and Travelling Salesman(TS) are the best of friends. Both are very interested in affairs of the society, TS having more a balanced view whereas the TT cannot think beyond his stomach. Once they met over and exchanged their views

TS” Hi man! How have you been over the fortnight?”

Tramp “Great buddy! Got to eat at a couple of lavish weddings, been part of a few political rallies and was part of a rioting crowd during a bandh and did good with a bounty of valuables. How have you been?”

TS “ Very miserable, Political rallies and bandhs means no business for me”

Tramp “What to do one man’s food is another man’s poison?”

TS” In all these years, my food has never become your poison”

Tramp “He who knows no shame knows no difficulties. You are facing the difficulties of working hard”

TS” Just look at me, I have to wear a tie, a clean shirt and shoes but for you dirtier the dress the more better”

Tramp “Yeah, but tell me why do you have to do all this style? Are you customers so posh?”

TS “Yes boss, lots of rich people buy from me because my company sells a lot of factory seconds and fakes of fancy brands”

Tramp “Really, then who buys from the showrooms”

TS” Middle class”

Tramp “Yeah, ever since the middle class has had this implants of EMI and credit cards, they have gone haywire”

TS “You can talk like this because inflation never hurts you”

Tramp laughing “No that’s not true, the quality and quantity of biryani that is served in the political rallies has come down very badly. The Government should do something about rising prices”

TS “You just can’t think beyond your stomach but the Government has a bigger vision and doing their best to control inflation. They monitor crop output regularly to study the impact on prices”

Tramp “What is the point? They can’t store the crops when they are harvested and most of it is consumed by rodents and pests. Why can’t they release the stock into open market?”

TS “You don’t understand, the Government cannot act so irrationally. They have to worry about the commodity exchange also”

Tramp “What is this commodity exchange?”

TS “Just like stock exchange, where instead of stock futures, commodity futures are traded”.

Tramp “Unbelievable, stocks have no value, so they have to be traded but why food grains, they already have a value?”

TS begins to talk but is interrupted by Tramp who says “I don’t understand granting voting rights to NRI’s. These are the same set of guys who rarely voted when they were in the country and left the country because they did not find it profitable enough”

TS” I am quitting for the day. The guy who writes this script gives all the punch dialogues to you and I have to play the role of priest as always”

Tramp “I know he makes me say some of the things which a tramp would never know. Anyhow he now wants us to stand for the theme song”

We are like this

We are like this

Screaming our throats for and against same Gothra marriages

Turning a blind eye to rodents eating food grains

We are like this

We are like this

Worried about NRI voting rights

Not worried about the citizen’s eating rights

We are like this

We are like this

To be continued LITTER

The Fake News Room

The Fake News Room

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India the No.1 test team??

India is the No.1 Test team. Is it time to celebrate or time to wail about the empty cupboard we have? Let us get it right we are not going to finish this calendar year as the No.1 test team. Indian cricket reminds me of the famous saying “Water, Water all around but not a single drop to drink”.

Who are the batsmen who will don the mantle after Sachin, Rahul and VVS hang up their boots. Except Sehwag, Gambir and Dhoni, there is hardly any batsman who can last long!? Rohit Sharma and Suresh Raina got thoroughly exposed for their weakness against the short ball during the second edition of IPL. With the over emphasis on IPL, the situation can only get grim. By the way, how many more runs Mohammed Kaif has to score before being considered for a national recall. If runs in Ranji Trophy and Duleep Trophy don’t mean anything, why hold them in the first instance?

Except Zaheer Khan, on-off Ishanth Sharma, injury prone Sreesanth and once in a blue moon performer Harbhajan Singh we don’t have a bowling attack which can win matches leave alone abroad even within India. No serious attempt has been made to develop a battery of potent bowlers. There is nobody who is pushing the existing bowlers in the team. Just look at the Australian team (may not be the No.1 team) are they feeling the absence of Lee? No, because there is an army of bowlers waiting to outdo each other. Test matches are won by bowlers who can take wickets but who will educate the mandarins of Indian Cricket on this?

About Indian fielding, in the 80’s it was said that ball should catch the fielder’s hands and today the situation is not much different. This is despite fielding coaches, drills and blah blah! Why does not BCCI improve the quality of outfields in our stadiums? Can’t we get grassier outfields? Do we lack resources?

The National Cricket Academy has been in existence for the past decade or so. How many genuine test batsmen or bowlers it has produced? Other than Gautam Gambir can’t remember any other name! We have a plethora of coaches and it may not be far away when you have a right hand bowling/batting and left hand bowling/batting coach. India’s best victory in international arena came under an Indian coach i.e. Lalchand Rajput and that is the irony.

BCCI has just become a money minting machinery. They are least bothered about development of test cricket. IPL is the only mantra everybody chants be it the administrators, players, budding players or even the spectators. It is a sort of disrespect to test cricket that India is the number one test team because we just don’t have the heart, intent and resources to continue there.

Balus Corner: Technological Scare/ Nothing is better than something

Balus Corner: Technological Scare/ Nothing is better than something





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Technological Scare/ Nothing is better than something

Oh! No this blog is not about the technological scare, whole of country is discussing about these days. This is about two technological scares I had in my personal over the past few months. This is about how being old fashioned saved the day for me.

Gone are the days when I used to remember most numbers. Now I key them into the mobile and dial the numbers as and when I require. How disastrous can that be? Recently the software of my mobile crashed. I only have numbers in my mobile and few snaps taken during trips and functions. Other than that, I don’t store anything naughty in my mobile nor do I store any games yet the software got corrupted and so with it went all the memory. I don’t know the reasons for it but only consequence was all the numbers stored in it went for a toss. One good thing I always do is that every number I add to the mobile the same is written down in a diary also. Baring a couple of numbers, I was able to get back all the numbers. Least to say, the process of keying the numbers was painful. Actually, painful is an understatement. This being a family blog site, I will refrain from using the exact words!

The next technological scare came to me in an ATM. Last month I was asked to go to Delhi on an official trip. A trip to Delhi during the winter months means demand from your family for sweaters and other woolen garments. My case was no different. My flight was scheduled for 11:30 am in the morning. At around 8 am, I went to an ATM for withdrawing money to make all the purchases. It happened to be a Sunday and I put my card in to withdraw the money. The dreaded ATM developed software problem and went blank. My card was swallowed into the machine and there was nothing I could do about it. Immediately, I rushed to other bank ATM where I have an account. As my bad luck would have it, there also the ATM was down. Meanwhile the taxi driver had come to my residence. Add to this a call from my boss to recheck some of the figures mentioned in a statement. There was no option but to rush back home to be in time for the flight. Here again, my technological obsolete reflexes saved me the day. I frequently put aside some money in a cash box to provide for any exigencies. When I had started this “old fashioned saving”, I never knew one day it will save me from a technological disaster. I dug into those savings and could make all the purchases. It is another matter of fact that to get back the card from “this premier private sector bank” I had to run from pillar to post for 2 weeks.

These crises and the Satyam fiasco have taught me one good lesson “it saves to be old fashioned”. Henceforth, I have resolved that all my investments will be in the form of Kissan Vikas Patra of Indira Vikas Patra. Atleast I will still have the principal in my hand and the day the Post Office says it does not have money to pay back my deposits, I can very well assume that the country’s finances itself have crashed. Whatever it maybe no more share market investments for me. I would rather prefer to indulge in luxurious expenditure for me and my family and waste the money rather than allow others to make merry with my life savings.

In some cases “Nothing is better than something” because the something which remains back will hurt you more than the nothing.

MLM dreams

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This is the story of Bolenath who was sucked into the eternal dream of attaining financial freedom through one of the multi level marketing scheme called “Network Way”

Bolenath had just finished his work and returning home by his scooter. It started raining and he took shelter under a nearby tree. One more guy came in his bike and also took shelter under the same tree. The rain was steady and Bole was admiring the cars driving past him. A Merc passed by him and he could not resist turning around for a second look.

The guy next to him told “How nice it would be if you had such a car?”

Bolenath laughed and said “Nice thought! I can’t even afford to pay for even its one service”

The guy replied “How if I taught you a way to buy that car”

Bolenath quipped “Loot the bank which is opposite to us”

The guy “No, I will teach you how to build a pipeline of money”

Bolenath “What? Who is going to provide the flow? What sort of business are we getting into?”

The Guy “Hi! My name is Shant. Here is my card, You can call me tomorrow morning we will discuss in detail. My only request is not to discuss with anybody about our meeting until you know the full truth. It is upto you whether you want to let go an opportunity of lifetime, just write down your biggest dreams and we will talk about it tomorrow”

Bole said “ok”. Soon it stopped raining and they went their way. That night Bole’s dreams were full of money all around him. He was imagining how nice it would be if they had a big flat and a Mercedes. How nice it would be if he can take his wife and daughter to Switzerland? How wonderful it would be if he could be the boss? Bole wrote down all these things in a slip and went to office the next day.

As soon as he reached office, the first thing he did was to call Shant. Shant was articulate in his talk and fuelled his dreams. He added more colors to them. He asked Bole to meet him that evening outside a prominent community hall. He told an expert from Australia would explain the business and that Bole would have to pay Rs.300 to listen to him. Bole agreed and went that evening to the appointed place.

Inside the lecture hall, flash power point presentations were shown about the products; business model; small clipping of a financial expert’s talk in which he professed need to build a pipeline, blah, blah; videos of foreigners who were successful in the business and mighty rich, etc.

Later the successful domestic business owners were introduced. Everybody introduced themselves as a professional and how fed up with the 9 to 5 job they had turned to business and were fast heading towards financial freedom. They also boasted how “Network Way” had changed their lives. One guy who was from one of the IIMs said that this business had taught him more than his education at the IIM. Infact some of them had already become mighty rich just like the foreigners. Except for a few, the dress of most of them was middle class and not the super-rich they were supposed to be.

The products were introduced and most of them were of daily consumption. It was stated that your profit margin would be as high as 40% and this amount otherwise go the dealers in conventional business. It was also stated that an individual by using this products and recommending them to others could make truckloads of money. The task of referring to others it was said was as simple as recommending a movie to your friend.

Next the expert from Australia spoke. He showed with pictorial proof how his life style was 10 years ago and how it is now? It was another matter of fact that the “supposedly 10 year old photos” seemed more new than the “supposedly new photos”. He boasted how his children went to the same school as the children of a legendary Australian cricketer and how both of them met for a drink. He even showed pictorial proof of the same but the picture seemed to convey that more than having a drink together this guy was serving the cricketer! He showed pictures of his home which seemed like a “resort” out of “Discovery Travel and Living”.

After the meeting Shant introduced Bole to C. Halu (chalu!) who was his upline in the business. He worked for a major software giant that offered him only a monthly salary but not financial freedom. Bole was totally sold to the credentials of the guy.

Bole was given a few CDs to listen to. The CDs contained all the good things how great the business was; how credible the company was; how important the CDs, meetings and books were for success, blah, blah.

Bole could not wait to sign up for the business. He called up Shant and got this reply “Don’t hurry, take an informed decision”. Bole was very impressed with Shant’s discretion and he started trusting him wholly. Shant told that this is a family business and he would be coming down to Bole’s house with his family on the following Sunday. They should first understand each other and later think about initiating the business. He also asked Bole to get a couple of friends to his residence to introduce them to the business.

Bole waited for the d-day when Shant and his family would come home. He asked his wife Gudiya to remain at home. He called a dozen of his friends, most of them found a pretext to refuse him and one of them said on his face “If it is Network Way, don’t make a bakra out of yourself Bole”. Bole would not listen to him because he was blinded to the “Financial Freedom” dreams.

On the appointed day Shant came with his family in a rickety car. Gudiya nudged Bole and asked “Is this the success he has achieved in 2 years of doing this business?’ Bole gave an angry glare and that was the end of her reasoning. A few friends and relatives turned up at Bole’s house just to keep him in good humor and the relationship going.

Shant took Bole outside and guided him how he should praise him in front of the guests before he started his presentation. Bole did the same but nobody signed up for the business. Shant said the reason was because Bole had not signed up for the business. He told “You cannot ask others to jump into the water and swim, when you are standing on the banks”. Bole paid the Rs.5000 for signing up. Shant told that he could get a refund of the money within 180 days if he was not satisfied with the business.

Next week one more meeting was arranged in Bole’s residence. Nobody signed up. Bole looked quizzingly at Shant and got this reply “You don’t have the tools for being successful in this business. You have to sign for the CDs and books programme”. The monthly cost was Rs.2500/-. The CDs were priced each at Rs.250 and the books at Rs.1000 each. Bole would get 6 CDs every month and a book. The same books were available at Rs.500 in the most reputed book stall of the town. When asked he was told “This is the royalty you have to pay to listen to the success stories of experts. The book price is compensation for the experts who read books from world wide and recommend the best book for you”. He was told that once he became successful, his cassettes too would come out and he would get royalty from sale of those in addition to the money he earned by selling products. He would also be paid for reading and referring books. This he was told would be more than the income earned by selling products. It was explained to him that he was making an “investment” and should not crib about it because the returns would be unimaginable.

Next the product kit was delivered to him and to his shock all the products were priced atleast three to four times a high end product in the open market in its category was priced. When he questioned Shant, he replied “These products are made from natural components and are value products. A paste purchased here would last you 3 times more number of days than one from the open market. Moreover you get a discount and also it is your product, if you don’t use it, how can you recommend it to others. Here buy this VCD which contains all details about the manufacturing process and pricing details, it is just Rs.250/-. Because you are a distributor you will get it at Rs.200/-“

After seeing the VCD, Bole was totally sold to the “Network Way” dream. He used a pinch of the toothpaste believing that it is sufficient to take care of his dentures. A drop of shampoo was all that his little daughter Sheetal was allowed to use. She loved to foam her shampoo but was not allowed to do. The hall became a place for regular business meetings. She could not watch her favorite cartoons. Friends who did not sign up for the business were not treated very kindly. Weird strangers started coming home. She found Shant uncle and his family extremely artificial and plastic. The little angle was feeling really let down.

Only “Network Way” CDs could be played in the music system. You see, you have to listen to positive things, if you have to grow in the business. The business was not growing but Bole was advised to stay focused on the dreams. The Bole family was getting socially isolated. People were scared to cross his path, least he should prospect them for the business or sell a product. Bole was advised to stay away from such negative people.

Next Bole had to attend meetings. There were 4 type of meetings viz, Weekly, Monthly, Quarterly (regional) and the Annual convention. A weekly meeting cost Rs.300; a monthly Rs.1000; a quarterly Rs.2500 and the annual convention Rs.4000/-. Ofcourse the company was gracious enough to give huge discounts if you booked the tickets well in advance much like airline pricing. These meetings were essential to keep the spirit going and you need to be amongst people of your tribe to think big. Ofcourse, how could you afford to miss out on the talks of all the experts from abroad? The meetings were badly organised. There was no proper ventilation in the halls. Bole had to pay even for a glass of water to drink leave alone complimentary snacks. Bole felt like paying for an “Executive Air class” air ticket and getting “Budget Airline” treatment.

The business was going nowhere. Whenever he asked questions, he was sold one more study material with an instruction “The expert in this CD/ book also felt same as you early in his business”. This was not it, he was supposed to sell atleast 2 or 3 CD subscriptions and bring along atleast 20 people to the annual convention that was to take place the next month. Bole had sponsored atleast 10 people to the monthly meetings and a lot more for the weekly meetings. He did not dare to repeat it for the regional and annual conventions. For this lapse, he was chided by Shant.

Selling products and getting commission was not easy as projected. Every month you had to make a minimum sale to get a commission. Otherwise, the points accrued will be carried to the next month. Even if you reach threshold of the minimum commission you cannot get it in cash (It was said in the meetings though that Network Way would pay its distributors in cash). If you had to get your commission in cash, you had to reach a higher threshold.

Bole was five months into the business. Not even one downline had signed up to do business under him. The house was full of CDs, books, products, etc. Gudiya dared to ask him “What do you think we are doing with our savings?”

Bole said “I don’t know but they say so many people across the world have been successful at it. That is why I am so serious about it. You know how much our personal life has changed after this. We have exhausted 50% of the savings we had for changing the flooring of this house”.

Gudiya replied “I mailed to my brother details of all these Australians who are supposed to be mighty rich and here is the reply”

Bole saw the reply and got a shock of his life. Most of the guys were mechanics, car drivers, and plumbers in real life. The cars shown in the slides belonged to rental companies. The houses shown in the videos were fancy resorts owned by some one else. As suspected the guy who was supposed to have a drink with a cricketer was a bartender in the pub which the cricketer frequented.

The next day Bole applied leave and went to do an antecedent check on the projected domestic success. The biggest domestic success was living in a garage shed and doing accounting jobs for small businesses. The IIM guy was the only guy who was having a posh lifestyle, that too because of his job and least of all due to this business, as was revealed by Bole’s enquiry.

Bole went home bundled all the cassettes and books. He took an auto to Shant residence (Shant lived in a modest house not because he did not have money but because he was investing into the business. Moreover, he wanted to build a dream house much like the bartender had!). He dumped it at his doorstep and said “This is the end of the Rs.75,231 nightmare for me. I won’t get back the amount atleast I hope I get back my friends”. Shant tried to stop him but got a solid punch on his face and the words “Apply some leather cleaner for the wounds, you are a thick skinned a** h***”.

Bole came home called up all his friends and told them that he was throwing a party to celebrate his successful escape from the “Millionaire Dreams” of Network Way. Most of them turned up and life was back to normal.

Bole never stopped for rains anywhere because he purchased for himself a car no it was not the Merc but a second hand Santro. Yeah, he did get refund of Rs.5000/- , the amount he had invested for buying the product kit. The books were good and Bole kept them for reading. He used the refund amount to buy Gudiya a mobile phone and got himself a new SIM card.

Sheetal was happy with her dad’s decision because she could get back to watching cartoons and doing doll parties on Sundays with her friends. No more business meetings in her drawing room.

Balu

The above mentioned Balu also became an Ullu to the MLM dream but not as bad as Bole

Are the protests about Bangalore International Airport justified?

Ever since its beginning, Bangalore International Airport (BIA) has been in the eye of the storm. I would like to confess that I have not traveled abroad even once and not physically used great airports of the world. My air travel is limited to the Metros of this country. Here is my perception of the BIA protests:

1. BIA is too far away from the city.

True, but this fact was known to everybody from the date of its planning. Why did they not protest at that time? Some of the companies do own large chunks of unused land; very well they could have given it to the BIAL for setting up the airport in place of their convenience. To my knowledge, new international airports in most cities are away from the city. You could have had an airport in middle of the city, if India was not a democracy. It would have been easy to vacate thousands of acres of land forcibly. Authorities have to litigate hard to get a few meters of land for road widening, metro rail work, etc.

2. The proposed User Development Fees of BIA is high for domestic and budget airline travelers.

This is a very justified issue. The BIA should have 4 four levels of collection of UDF i.e. international passengers; domestic passengers (First Class, Economy Class and Budget Airlines). The UDF should be highest for international travel progressively declining for the subsequent classes.

3. The seating and rest room capacity of BIA is limited.

Yes, this is another justified issue. The seating capacity has to be increased given that people coming from long distance would like to reach ahead of time so that they don’t miss their flights. The rest room capacity is woefully inadequate and needs to be augmented.

4. The old HAL Airport needs to be re-used for domestic flights.

This demand is as absurd as the one that was made in Singur (WB) that ancillary facilities of the Nano plant have to be shifted out so that land can be returned to the farmers. The Government has an agreement with the BIAL authorities and is bound to honor it. Going back on this agreement may set-back Bangalore’s image as an investment destination for infrastructure projects. These are times of depression and air travel will be the first weapon of cost control. Such a big facility cannot be left to fend with dwindling international passengers. Come out of nostalgia folks, HAL Airport is history.

5. The BIAL looks like an industrial shed.

As it is we are complaining that the UDF is high, let’s us assume if this was an architectural marvel, what would have been the UDF. Moreover, an Airport is a transit point (forgive me for my naivety), if you want to see an architectural marvel go to the Vidhana Soudha, Taj Mahal, Charminar, Qutub Minar, Leaning Tower of Pisa, The Eiffel Tower, etc.

Yes, connectivity has to improve, the street lights have to get better but that is not the problem of BIAL authorities that is the Government’s responsibility. It is easy to ridicule anything but more important to realise that something good has come up. The BIA cannot be done away and at best can be improved. To be fair to BIA, it is quite comfortable (if you share my view of an airport being a transit point). The best thing about BIA is that you can commute to and fro by a bus from its door step.

Single Screen theaters of Bangalore

These are the days of swanky multiplexes. Bangalore has/had some great single screens. Here are some of the wonderful single screens of Bangalore which were a part of my growing-up. Those which have ceased to exit have been highlighted in red.

Mukunda: It is located in Maruthisevanagar. It is a middle class theatre which mostly screens regional and sometimes Hindi films. The best film I have seen here is Big B’s “Hera Pheri” and SRK’s ‘Daar”

Ashoka: This was located in Frazer Town. It used to screen Tamil and Hindi films. I don’t remember to have gone to this theatre.

Naga: What a theatre, sirji! This theater was located in St. Johns Road. I really felt bad when this theatre went down. The screen was fabulous so was the parking. I saw the first movie of my life in this theater. I have seen countless films in this theatre and the last was “Rang De Basanti”.

Lavanya : Situated adjacent to Naga, this theater screens only Tamil films. I found nothing special about this theater.

Lakshmi: Situated next to Lakshmi, another of those theatres which screened only Tamil films. This theater had one of the most cramped parking spaces but I remember to have seen some great movies of Kamal Hassan and Rajnikanth.

Shree: This theatre went out of business almost a decade ago. It used to be shut down frequently due to labour problem. They used to screen old Tamil and Hindi films. The best films I have seen are “Namak Halal”, “Yarana (Big B’s)” and a couple of Shivaji Ganesan Movies.

Ajantha : It is a multi lingual theatre. This theater screens Kannada films in the morning show. I was a fan of Vishnuvardhan and seen a lot of his films over here. The one thing I did not like about this theater those days was when there was a hit film very few tickets were sold across the counter.

Lido: This is one more of those theaters which I classify under the “What a theater, sirji!” The single screen does not exist but a multiplex has come up in its place under the brand name “Fame”. Top class theater, screen, audio, snacks bar and a great parking facility. Most of the tickets in this theater got sold in the counter and I am a fan of this theater for this very reason. Any day a movie in Lido, is a pleasure for me. Gandhi is the best film I have seen here as also India’s first 3D film “My Dear Kutty Chatan”.

Symphony (Shankarnag Chitramandira): I have seen numerous English films in this theater. The only thing I don’t like about this theater was the number of steps you had to climb up if you took a balcony ticket because more often than not, the lift here never works.

Blue Moon and Blue Diamond: Wonderful theatres. Both went out of business more than a decade ago and a commercial complex has come up. There used to be a book seller as well as a shop which used to sell Coffee and Samosa. It used one of the favorite hang-out corners for me and my friend when we went to MG Road just to admire the chicks passing by.

Plaza: The best of English films used to be screened here but same cannot be said about the quality of rest rooms of the theater which were awful.

Rex: What a, What a theater, sirji! Hats off to this theater ya in all aspects. I have never seen the tickets of this theater being sold in black.

Galaxy: The interiors of this theater were great but it had an awful parking lot. People used to get into fist fights during getting in and out of the parking lot.

Hardly have I gone to the other side of Bangalore to see a movie, I just can’t comment on them. However, I would like to mention about Sagar, Santosh, Sapna, Triveni, Majestic, etc. There was also a small theater in Ulsoor area, where I remember to have seen a movie, I just can’t remember its name.

One movie for a family of four in a multiplex could easily mean an expenditure of Rs.1000/- and three movies can easily buy you a DVD player. Everybody talks about piracy and its evil impacts. I am totally against film piracy but piracy cannot be curbed if you put movie viewing beyond the reach of a lower middle class family. The best way to curb piracy is to think about reviving the single screens or come up with budget multiplexes across the country. When we can have an economy class in all spheres of life, why not while viewing films? Everybody loves to go to a movie with their family but not at the cost of food on their plate. This is the message the entire film industry has to understand if they want to curb piracy. Citizens alone are not responsible to curb piracy.

Mr Hayden we dont need foreign assistance in demeaning India

Mr. Mathew Hayden one of the members of the vanquished Australian cricket team has called India “a third world country”. This is on a day when the Indian tri-color was proudly placed on the Moon by Chandrayaan-1.

I quote him “Often we find ourselves with hands on hips waiting for someone to either “face up” or someone in the sightboard to move away; all the little frustrations that happen in Third World countries”

I abhor anybody who calls India a third world country. How would Mr. Hayden feel if we called Australia as “a land of convicts”? Possibly, he would file a racist complaint against the speaker. If Hayden calling “India as a third world country” is acceptable, then what is wrong with the supposed “monkey” remarks which were supposed to have been made against a team-mate of his? Monkey is a common word in India for anybody who irritates.

On expected lines, BCCI has kept mum. After all they kept a mum when Gautam Gambhir was banned for a test match by Mr. Chris Broad and they also kept mum when the same match referee fined Ponting just 20% match fees instead of banning him for slow over rate.

ICC presidency is more important than fairness of justice.

Ensuring the participation of stars like Mathew Hayden and Ricky Ponting in IPL is more important than the national development being slurred.

Having the support of Cricket Australia to strangulate the growth of ICL is more important than national pride.

What concern the BCCI are its coffers and annihilation of ICL, other things can wait. Dil ki awaz bole mange paisa more.

Hope the Government of India wakes up and atleast sends a verbal rejoinder to the Australian Government to refrain her distinguished citizens from demeaning other countries. We have enough authors desperate for Booker to demean the country, no need for foreign assistance on the subject.

Nukkad celebrate Barrack Obama's victory

This is only a tribute to the makers of Nukkad, the popular TV Serial which ran during the 80’s. Due to my inability to write in Hindi, I am writing all the dialogues in English.

I will be willing to give the pseudo-copy rights of this episode if somebody can translate it into Hindi. Any inconsistencies please excuse because I have written the dialogues with whatever I remember about these characters.

This is just an imagination of how the election of Barack Obama as Prez of US would have been welcomed in Nukkad

This episode starts off with the theme song “Bade Sehar ke ek gali mein basa hua hai Nukkad”.

Enter Teacherji, Guru gives her the yearning glance and she announces “Listen, Obama has become the President of USA and it is great honor for us because his family still lives in a nukkad like ours”

Dukhiya “What use it is to us?”

Guru “Aree, Dukhiya, what is the use in being you born, Teacherji knows better than all of us, when she says better listen”

Thambi (in a low tone) “Carry on Guru with your efforts”. Teacherji explains briefly about Obama, White House, importance of the election results, etc.

Enter, Radha “Will I get a chance to work at his palace what you call White House?”

Hari “Radha cant you think beyond yourself, tomorrow we will celebrate the success of Obama”

Kadar Bhai “Samosas and Chai sponsored by me”

Khopdi steps in to say “Will I get to drink?”, everybody give him a banning stare and he changes his tone to say” When Obama from Kenya can become a President, why not a President of India from Nukkad?. Everybody gives him an appreciate look.

Ganpat Hawaldar joins in to say “Sometimes Khopdi you make a lot of sense”.

The entire Nukkad starts discussing who could be their Presidential and Vice-Presidential Candidate for the next election, first they propose the name of Guptaji, later decide he would be another John Mcain and decide to propose Teacherji for Prez and Guru for Vice-Prez. They all get busy with preparing for the next day celebrations of Obama victory and the episode ends.

Dont abbreviate KISS

Acronyms have made our lives so convenient. Emails, ATM, etc are used by us subconsciously. Some use acronyms without knowing their expansion and quite often, situations in life throw their own new meanings for existing acronyms.

Disclaimer: Most of the acronyms used here have been received by me through emails/SMS.

I understand that a distant country named Ediot Who-swallowed-it-ya have had its own sub-crime crisis. Any royalty accrued from this blog will be donated towards SCREW (Sub Crime Relief for Ediot Who-swallowed-itya) since the acronyms used here are not my original creation.

ABCD is American Born Confused Desi, what would be A to Z, here it goes, American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat Housed In Jersey Keeps Lotsa Models (what’s that?) Named Omkarnath Patel Quietly Reached Success Through Underhand Vicious Ways Xenophobic Yet Zealous.

Talking of NRI’s, one of the funny expansions is Not Reliable Indian which I don’t find funny because many of them do a good work. However if the depression in West prolongs, it will become Not Required Indians because who would want a NRI without money. NRI could also mean Not Responsible Indians which most of us are given our civic senses. Talking of uninvited guests, when they leave we say in our minds GRBR (Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish)

When our mobile does not connect, we are forced to yell Mera Telephone Nahin Lagtha or our broadband acts like a junkband we feel it is a Very Slow Network Limited.

There is no transparency in our official dealings despite the RTI act, so we could call all the RTI activists as Confused Indian Citizenry (not to be confused with CIC appointed to monitor the RTI Act). RTI Act the way it is being implemented in India would mean Right to Trample Information Act by the implementers.

Television is called as the Idiot Box (not to be wrongly read as IB). The national channel puts up lousy programmes and right called as the DD (read Drowsy Darshan). Usually when people ask me “Are you born and brought up in India?” . I reply by saying “BBC in Bangalore” which means Born Brought-up and Corrupted in Bangalore. On the last count 11,235 people have stopped to talking to me because of this stupid joke.

ICU in ICU would not be the ideal send-off message you would like to give a friend because it would read I Cee U in Intensive Care Unit. Talking of people, we should never become a Vicious Vacillating Insensitive Person. If we complicate our thinking process, we will become a Person In Maximum Problems. So Keep It Simple Stupid.

Implants are the in-thing

The mention of the word implants no longer rings the moral bell in anybody’s ears, that situation was years ago. Implants are the in-thing. If you see at the end of the day, there is nobody free from the need for an implant.

It is a known secret that every female celebrity who want increased ba… err eyeballs has to go in for an implant  .

Given the number of heroes who take off their shirt and what not, there is a distinct possibility that some of them may have had implants.

Recently global economies had an implant in the form of a bailout package.

Indian cricket team for the past decade or so has been having an implant of foreign coaches.

Lyrics writers devoid of ideas have an implant of remixes.

Politicians devoid of issues have an implant of regional/religious passions. They further require an implant of bogus votes to win elections.

Broadcasters devoid of programmes have an implant of reality shows.

Reality shows require implant of controversies to sustain TRPs

Reality show contestants in turn require implant of viewer votes to win.

Laziness within an organisation/country leads to the implant of outsourcing.

News channels have regular implants of breaking news.

Movies devoid of content have an implant of censor cuts, protests, etc.

We have a protruding implant of a hands-free to answer calls.

People with weak hearts have an implant of pacemakers sadly there is nothing for the brains

Our roads have had an implant of plastic waste but sadly there has been no improvement.

Last but not the least, Earth requires an implant of greenery to save it from global warming.

This thread of implant does not end here and will be updated as and when I have an implant of haywire brainwaves.

Good bye to Anil Kumble, a competitor and a true gentleman

Don Bradman could not get a boundary in his last innings and Anil Kumble was hit for a boundary off the last ball of his career. No, I am not comparing the two but when it came to playing the game in the right spirit, Anil Kumble was only a couple of notches below the Don.

Anil Kumble made his debut for India in 1990 and could make a comeback only during the historic South African Tour of India. Blame it on the idiosyncrasies of the Indian selectors, Jumbo never made it to the ill-fated Australian tour of 1991-92. Had Kumble played in that series, being an unknown propotion and the Aussies historic aversion to leg spin, India would have had better memories of that series? This was also the last series of the famous batsman Dilip Vengsarkar whose scores in the series put to shame most of the emergency numbers in India. It was in a test match in SA, that Kumble first took 5 wickets in an innings and after that there was no looking back. The Englishmen on the 1993 tour were flummoxed by Kumble’s spin or the lack of it. This illogical concept of lack of spin in Kumble’s deliveries was held against him throughout his career but it made no difference to him or to any of his 950 plus victims at the international level. What Sehwag is to batting today, Kumble was to bowling those days? No footwork, spin all these don’t count as long as you deliver the goodies.

Anybody who saw Kumble bowl in the Hero Cup final is bound to acknowledge his effectiveness. His record against Sri Lanka may not be much to write home about but then everybody is entitled to their own nemesis. There was no better keeper to Kumble deliveries than Nayan Mongia and no better slip fielder than Dravid and Azhar. According to me, Kumble’s best performance was not the perfect 10 but his performance in Australia in the 2004 Adelaide test. Kumble in his typical gutsy way had put a lid on his critic’s mouths.

Kumble was a decent batsman. Very few will forget his heroics on a Vijayadashmi day alongwith Srinath in winning a one day match in Bangalore against the Aussies. As a testimony to his batting skills, he was tried as a pinch hitter in a couple of one day matches. His best test innings was an 88 against the South Africans in Calcutta, when he alongwith Azhar lent credibility to a dismal score card. Kumble did manage to score a test century at the fag end of his career. Most followers of the game would admit that had Kumble showed a lit more application in his batting, he would have ended up with a couple of more thousand runs. Kumble was a far better test batsman and hardly have I seen him giving his wicket away without a fight.

Kumble was a fighter to the core but more than that a gentleman in spirit and deed. As a player, he was never summoned to the Match Referee’s chambers. Possibly, this unassuming attitude led to him landing up with only a few advertisement campaigns. Kumble did not know how to change his hairdo often; laugh childishly in press conferences; poke fun at seniors and make much ado about nothing. Kumble is no less than Sachin Tendulkar in achievements and stature. The gentleman that he is could not take the constant barbs by a former cricketer who himself took donkey number of matches to make an impact at the international level and was hardly a team man. Kumble has called it a day and it is only a matter of few matches, when we start feeling his vacuum. All good things have to come to an end and so did Kumble’s career. Here is wishing a perfect team man, competitor and a true gentleman a very happy and prosperous retired life. God no longer makes cricketers like Anil Kumble.