Priceless Thoughts About Mutton Biryani From Across The World

Mutton Biryani is not just rice and a few juicy pieces of mutton in it. It is the epitome of taste. It is aroma’s expression. It is palette’s best face. It is the culmination of all culinary skills. It is loved by people next only to their family. Various people have said various things about a Mutton Biryani, here is the spoof of what has been said by many across the world:-

Guru of BOMB (Bakths of Mutton Biryani) Activist

                A Mutton Mukth Biryani is not a Biryani.

Tanzanian Zen Master

There is not a perfect MB, there cannot  be a perfect MB, not a perfect day to have a MB, to enjoy a MB you require unrequited love for MB.

American Leader

I would have never thought of building a wall, if MB was a Mexican Dish.

Chinese Hoodoo Expert

People who are possessed by the taste of MB cannot be conquered by Hoodoo

Solitary Goat Activist of Oymyakon

My religion says that Goat is the alma mater of my genes, I cannot eat MB. That’s why I oppose Goat slaughter.

Con Godman From Pennsylvania

Neither can you spot the hidden cameras in a room nor can you hide the aroma of a MB in a room

North Korean Despot

My scientists have perfected the technology to test fire rockets till Saturn by my cooks are not able to master a Hyderabadi Biryani.

News Reader Who Suffers From Verbal Diahorrea.

                If I am not questioning on behalf of the nation, remember my mouth is stuffed with MB

Indian Cricket Team’s best Phinisher

                It’s for no reason that I am called the best finisher, I don’t leave beyond MB for anyone.

Eskimo Leader

                We are offering Igloo home stay with Antratica Style Mutton Biryani.

Slovakian Style Diva

Size zero matters but not more than the taste buds that a MB triggers

Swiss Bank Manager

                If somebody can teach us how to come with a Swiss MB, we don’t mind giving the names of tax defaulters from India who have stacked their money here

Fuji’s Funny  Leader

                Selling Biryani and especially good ones is not just an employment but service to the God.

               

                Reproducing all the nice things that have been said about  Mutton Biryani will make this blog lengthier than a South Indian Breakfast Menu. The long and short of it is, there cannot be noble pursuits in life than preparing and eating a Mutton Biryani.

The Laws Of The Mutton Biryani Cult

                Everybody has their own cult, why not biryani lovers to be more precise Mutton Biryani lovers? It’s time Mutton Biryani lovers of the world had their own cult. A true `Mutton Biryani’ lover can never commit a crime. `Mutton Biryani’ can be consumed at very economical rates, so you don’t need to commit a crime. After having a `Mutton Biryani’ all your temptations are satisfied, so you cannot commit a crime. `Mutton Biryani’ is the ultimate pleasure, so you need  not commit a crime for pleasure.

Every cult should have its own rules. By the power of the 1000s of Mutton Biryanis I have relised and assimilated in my system, I hereby declare the rules for the Mutton Biryani Cult (M-BC).

ü  Thou shall always mention the words `Mutton Biryani’ with a divine awe.

ü  Thou shall never have a `Mutton Biryani’ in hurry. This also disqualifies you from entering any `Mutton Biryani’ eating challenges because such challenges involve gobbling food, and `Mutton Biryani’ has to be relished and imbibed in every vein of your body.

ü  Thou shall always say `Blood may or not be thicker than water but Mutton Biryani is the only Biryani that does matter’.

ü  Thou shall have `Mutton Biryani’ only with hands. You don’t require external aids to relish your passion.

ü  Thou shall not mind table manners while having a `Mutton Biryani’. You shall tear apart the `Mutton’, chew the bones, making slurping sounds if it is tasty, and lick your fingers if needed.

ü  Thou shall travel across the length and breadth of the country to have authentic `Mutton Biryani’. There is no point in having Dindugul Mutton Biryani sitting in Kolkatta or the vice versa. If there comes a variety of `Lower Congo Mutton Biryani’, thou shall travel there to taste it.

ü  Thou shall on reaching a new place, first seek not shelter but information where the best `Mutton Biryani’ is available.

ü  Thou shall relish `Mutton Biryani’ in its purest form without any Ullu err. Allo added to it, nor dilute its taste by having it with Raitha. If you are foolish enough to believe  that a `Mutton Biryani’ can be made tastier by having it with salan, you’ll be excommunicated from the cult.

ü  Thou shall use `Mutton Biryani’ as a noun, pronoun, verb, adjective, simile, metaphor, and if possible as a preposition, conjunction and interjection.

ü  Between `Mutton Biryani’ and all other earthly pleasures, thou shall swear by `Mutton Biryani’

                Share this blog, if you want to join this cult.

A Few Rules Of Mutton Biryani Cult

Blood is thicker than water and Mutton Biryani is the only biryani

Aloo in Mutton Biryani is like mother in law staying with you.

Vegetable Biryani is the food equivalent of Money in a Monopoly game.

Jeeves Explains Holi to Bertie Wooster

Statutory Warning: This piece of writing is a poor and feeble attempt to write like P G Wodehouse but not even 0.01% funny as the master’s works.

In the last few years, I have noticed an increasing number of Indians in my neighbourhood. Nice folks, love their food, especially a special dish they prepare combining lamb meat and rice with a lot of spices, and they call it mutton biryani. A friend of mine lives so that he can eat them, capital guy.

       Indians are the cleanest chaps you can find. I always find most of them clean shaven, with a red dot or ash strips on their foreheads. Once I asked Jeeves, the relevance and he explained the red vermilion on female heads improves their fertility, and the sacred ash on the male head keeps them away from distractions. This combination is such an oxymoron, given the population in India.

     

  Today was different most Indians were looking like they just had a dip in the stuff that Empress usually dwells in. I wished a few in the morning from my balcony and all were in pristine white but after a few hours are looking like multi-colored mannequins on the move.

I beckoned Jeeves `What’s up with this lot, they look messed’

`Sir, it’s only for today, they are celebrating Holi’

`I thought Indians were very religious guys and you say only today they celebrate being holy’

Usually it’s difficult to evoke an emotion from Jeeves but today I could find both his eyebrows raised so much so that he resembled Leonard Nimoy. Wish I could sneak into the Junior Ganymede Diary, to find what he has written about my intelligence levels, but guess it cannot be very charitable.

 `Sir, it’s spelt as H-O-L-I’

`Jeeves, you need not howl HOLI so loudly’

`Sir, I just tried to make it clear so that you don’t again misconstrue it as a similar sounding word which starts with HO and indicates sexual excitement’

`I am neither so dumb nor drunk’

`Sir, on the point being drunk, I should tell you that during Holi, Indians have a drink called Bhang and consumption of this preparation does evoke sexual excitement’

`Oh! I should try it out today’

`Sir, I shall make it, but heard that Madeline Basset will be calling upon your lordship today evening’

`In that case, make me a drink of Tulasi’

`Very well, sir’

`Jeeves, you have not explained what actually is Holi?’

`Sir, as per Hindu mythology it is the day after a demon brother and sister were killed. It’s also the end of winter in India’

`But why Indians look multi-coloured on this day?’

`Sir, they spray each other with colours to celebrate the colours of spring’

`Why does the other festival Rakhi rhyme with Holi?’

`Maybe in syllabi, sir, but not in the execution’

`Meaning?’

`Sir, on Holi, girls try to run away from boys, and on Rakhi boys try to run away from the girls’

`Why would boys run away from girls?’

`Sir, because if a girl ties the sacred thread to a boy’s wrist, he becomes her brother’

`Jeeves, keep a note, this time when Rakhi is around the corner, we’ll go on that Royal Caribbean Cruise you have been suggesting for long. Dash it! I can’t be a brother to any of those dusky Indian beauties.’

`As you wish, sir’

In the background, the song `Rang Barse’ is heard and Bertie asks Jeeves

`Whose voice is that, Jeeves? It sounds so manly and deep.’

`Sir, the owner of that voice is Mr Amitabh Bachan, the Bollywood superstar’

`You mean the one who did the Indian version of the game show, who wants to be a millionaire?’

`Yes, sir’

`Jeeves, I fancy having a beard like him’

`Sir, it would not look appropriate on you sir, you would look like a goat with a lot of facial hair’

Bertie squirming `Jeeeeves, talking of goats, please prepare mutton biryani for the night’

`Don’t tell me sir that your friend from Bangalore is going to hang out here again’

`Jeeves, he is my honoured and valuable guest’

`Sir, he loses his honour on seeing a mutton biryani and leaves behind only a few valuable morsels, better this time, I make double the quantity and hid half of it in your car’

`Happy Holi, Jeeves’

`Same to you sir’