Sunday, 7 January 2018

Ten Things You Should Not Do While In Karnataka

We Kannadigas are the most hospitable people in  world. We're never pushy but does not mean we can be pushed around. We will communicate even with a person from the deepest of Congo basin using sign language. However, here are a few things you can avoid doing while in Karnataka or talking to a Kannadiga. It just helps to not provoke a genetically soft person :-
1. Our language is Kannada not Kannad
2. ‎We belong to Karnataka not Karnatak.
3. ‎Our Capital is Bengaluru not Bangalore
4. ‎We are not Madarasis, in fact ours is One State but many worlds.
5. ‎We were developed much before IT/BT revolution came. Don't please assume you brought development to our state. If you believe so, we would like to remind you that Charity should begin at home. Hope that gives you clarity.
6. ‎We eat Dose not Dosa. The variety of  dishes in our breakfast should put to shame the number of dishes that many states have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner put together.
7. ‎Ragi Mudde is our staple diet. Please respect it, and we don't like anyone talking ill of it.
8. ‎We will speak in all languages but don't think you can impose any language on us.
9. ‎Learn our language, it's very simple. We accept and appreciate the broken slang of our language you speak. Don't just stop learning our language at "Kannad Gothilla", progress to at the least "Swalpa, Swalpa Baruthe"
10. ‎Don't teach us tolerance. We are the PhD in that
We welcome you whole heartedly to Karnataka but does not mean we are accepting you meekly.

Saturday, 6 January 2018

A Few Cold Jokes From Dehradun

1. Even if promised  lifetime free mutton biryani, I would never run out on the streets of a cold Dehradun, the way Archimedes did.

2. It's so cold here in Dehradun that the only workout I want to have is ensuring that  a blanket is always wrapped on my body

3. Forget Thick Skin, Dry Skin and Oily Skin, to survive in Dehradun, I need more than thermal wear, a thermal skin

4. Dehradun cold brings out the true colors of middle aged South Indian men

Because they cannot dye their hairs

5. What do I fear most about Dehradun cold?

It may make me a cold blooded animal

6. How to sleep warm in Dehradun?

Why Try? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

7. In DEHRADUN Winter, one can move around wearing a lot of woolens. Summer here is very hot, & the reverse can't be done 🤣🤣🤣

8.,Google don't irritate me by saying Dehradun will be warmer by 2 deg tonight. Seriously what is the difference b/w 9 and 11 deg.

9.  Dehradun is so cold that one has to take the towel to bed, so that it's warm the next morning 🤣🤣🤣

10. Between watching a Salman Khan movie and walking shirtless like him on a cold night in Dehradun, I'll be Human & watch his movie.

Sunday, 24 December 2017


GFY means Go F*** Yourself

Is it just an abuse? It is mainly an abuse. An abuse like Biryani can have different variants.

You are trying to dissuade a friend from proposing to a girl/boy who you know is going to make your friend an emotional wreck but his/her basic instincts have taken over, at the time just to de-clog the mind of the individual you would say

   `GFY a few times, if you still feel the urge, go ahead and propose"
    Here you are suggesting a physical action as a tool of self-realisation.

You are fed up of a friend/colleague's nagging and just want to let go the steam, and you end up saying
   `GFY, Don't bother me'
Here  you  are venting out your frustration, and rather vociferously making known to the other individual that you are not taking any more crap from him/her

In a liberal office atmosphere, you can use it after giving your subordinate/boss a piece of your mind
However, it is better avoided with a member of the fairer sex because either it can be used against you in a sexual harassment case or worse even in a defamation case (If you don't get this, please stop reading the blog here itself because you deserve to be watching Doremon)

Politicians being the sanskaris they don't directly say but their actions after elections say it very loudly, and after all, action speaks louder than words.
Stalkers should take this seriously because it will help them. I mean if you have such an urge about someone, it is better to subsidise the symptom through self-help methods. It is based on the adage `It is better to be safe than sorry", and in this case, it becomes `It is better to GFY rather than do that with someone's else life"

Every time we are sold a dummy, the seller says it to us but it is just that we realise it later.

  And finally, fate's calling card contains this as a tagline.

Well, if you have read till this point, you would have realised that this blog is utter crap, and you would either want to say it to me or want to say to yourself (more likely the latter), GFY.

Saturday, 9 December 2017

`CHASING THE BRIGAND' BY Shri K Vijaykumar Is An Experience To Be Read And Lived.

Everybody loves to read a book that is based on a real life incident. The palpation increases if it is about one of India’s most cold blooded killer whose Robin Hood image was an alibi to his demonic side of destruction of forest and least regard to the laws. That he was hunted down by the law, and did not die a natural death or become a leader is largely due to the efforts of two state governments and one man in particular K Vijay Kumar , IPS.
                His book `Chasing the Brigand’ brings to life one of India’s biggest manhunt of India’s most dreaded brigand Verappan.
                In an age, where retired officers take pride in revealing, intricate moments from their bureaucratic life, K Vijay Kumar, IPS says he would not reveal the details of functioning of CPT (Close Protection Team) of the PM. Hats off to you, sir!!  On the top of it, he refers to the Late Ms. Jayalalitha only as CM or Kum Jayalalitha, and not the usual sobriquet. Do you require better proof of mettle of the man?
                The book makes fascinating and gripping read. Credits should be given to the editor, for making the book sleek, and an interesting read. The book has its funny moments like when Mr. Vijaykumar went to see his would-be wife. The episode when he beats up a goon in Salem in front of his kids proves that you may take on the worst criminal in the land but when wifey gives the marching orders, you just comply.
                Verappan has been glorified wrongly by some intellectuals but he was nothing but a ruthless, cold blooded killer who looted the forests and killed elephants for a cheap gain. The human right activists have to answer whether they were okay with the way he killed Forest Officer, Srinivas and Shakeel. The worst is, his agreeing to put to sleep his younger daughter. Verappan got a mild punishment for all his heinousness.
                That the biggest attack on his camp, thanks to the original forest knowledge of something as miniscule as the colour of stools reveals why you can never succeed against such criminals without local support. The honourable man who had shady deals with Verappan could have easily been named by Shri K Vijay Kumar but he doesn’t and here again proves his
                The abduction of Dr Rajakumar, Matinee idol of the Kannada films is well described.
                Part 4 – Operation Coccon cannot be described but has to be read and experienced. It’s breathtaking.
                The book is a must read for all those who want to live an experience. The book is scrupulously etched and edited.

                I must mention here my encounter  with Mr K Vijay Kumar, IPS, author of the book. I went to get his signature on the book in the Valley of Words festival in Dehradun. He asked my name and I told him `Balasubramaniam’. Immediately, he asked me if I was a Tamilan, I replied in the affirmative. For a brief moment, he enquired where I was working, etc. That proves his simplicity. Maybe this ability to stay grounded helped him to track down and kill India’s biggest bully thus far.

Having worked with a fair number of super efficient but down to earth bureaucrats, I know how good it's to work with such people 

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India