Friday, 19 November 2010

My own wardrobe malfunction

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Right from 1st standard, I was always awe-stuck with my brother making speeches on Independence Day and other competitions in schools. So when I got promoted to sixth standard (the cut-off for a student to be allowed in these competitions), I readily gave my name when it was called for. The first assignment was to speak on Independence Day about Lal Bahadur Sastriji. With active assistance of my father and the Panasonic two-in-one we had at our home, I practiced the speech over and again. Three days before the event, Dcuna Madam who was in charge of the culturals decided that all the participants will wear a dhoti and make the speech. I never took it seriously and continued preparing my speech.

The D-day came and all the “freedom fighters” were made to wear dhoti and come to the stage. First it was “Gandhiji”, next “Panditji” followed by “Patelji” and then came my turn “Sastriji”. I stood up to see nearly 900 students in front of me. I immediately realized that public speaking was more than reproducing a prepared speech. All the lessons my father gave on the etiquettes of public speaking vaporized from my mind. I was shivering, mumbling when the audience burst out laughing. My dhothi was on the floor. Obviously, the tension within my body had resulted in this scandalous wardrobe malfunction. Thankfully, I had worn inside the customary half-white pant for Saturday class and any further embarrassment was prevented. I could see my brother feeling for me but I did not want to give up speaking. Despite all the jeers, I continued speaking. To my surprise fear had evaporated and I was able to speak freely. Though I did not win any prize, I did get a special mention from the principal for courageously standing on to speak despite the mishap.

Thankfully, there were no moral police around those days or else a campaign would have been started against me for an intentional wardrobe malfunction, that too in a boy’s school.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

How News Channels would have reported history (Part I) - A Satire

Continued from Part II

We start with a play review (remember those days there were no films)

This week we have a boring play which is just run of the mill stuff with an unimaginable, impracticable and hackneyed storyline laced with a lot of melodrama and sleaze. This is the story of a guy from a royal family who goes on an hunt, meets a girl, love at first sight, secret marriage, departs back home, leaves behind the girl with a ring and a kid, girl lost in thoughts, cursed by an angry sadhu, memory loss for hero, girl loses ring, hero fails to recognise girl when she turns up at his place and later seeing the ring in a fish stomach remembers everything and they live happily thereafter.

Being very generous, I give this play "one star out of five".

Infact, for the past 3 days we conducted an opinion poll and gave people two options, option a, they wont remember this play six months from now and option b, they will remember this play for their lifetimes. We have an astonishing 100% result for option (A). Here is the ticker. The result has a slight dip and now it is 50%, no, 33% for option A, it is 25% for A, 20% for A, sorry, that’s all we have time today…." By the time the ticker is taken of air, it is 1% for option A.

By the by the play we are talking about is Kalidasa's "Shakuntala" and since Kalidasa did not believe in PR exercise, his play had to get this review.

A controversial but good at public relations Roman Emperor commits suicide.

Anchor with white dyed hairs which give him a mature soberly yells out the beginning "This is the saddest day of my life. The dearest Emperor of Rome has committed suicide unable to bear rebellion. He was a great constructor, reformer in his own right, sports lover in fact participated in an Olympic game, lover of fine arts and always had a kind heart for us press guys. We are here to discuss the possible fall out of his death. In our panel are some distinguished persons, Mr. Success Obsessed Bull (SOB); Publically Important and Manipulating Person and Socialite-I (PIMaPaS) and Corn-y Journalist (CJ), lets start with you Mr.PIMaPaS, tell us about the emperor".

PIMaPaS "Oh, yeah, he appreciated all the delicate things in life. He loved family a lot which can be seen from the fact that he married thrice. Also he was in constant touch with me err. for organizing performances in the numerous theatres, dance stages he had built. The parties he threw were fabulous and I grew as a person thanks to the contacts developed in his parties. Truly, it is a great loss to Roman Culture, families values and fine hearts"

Anchor `Now we go in for a short break and will be back. All the Ads in this break reflect the great values the emperor stood for"

In the Ad break, Ads relating to Resorts, Liquor companies, condoms, villas are played.

Back from the break, the Anchor with a teary eye" Welcome back after the break, now Mr. SoB will share his memories of the Emperor"

SoB-I `Yes, he was the darling of the markets. Each of his actions contributed to improving private wealth. Just look at the number of constructions for fine arts, athletics, etc. All these led to huge value for the construction industry and people who traded in their shares. One more thing, the tax break he gave for food imports benefited the traders a lot because he never insisted that they be passed on to the citizens'

Anchor `Ok, now Mr. CJ you tell us your experience, what sort of great ruler he was?"

CJ `You can identify his integrity by the fact that he executed his stepbrother, mother and first wife to save his seat………oops… I mean to uphold the law of the land. He was so much worried about law and order that he reduced the bail amount and fines. He wanted to discover the origin of Nile. However there are some unsubstantiated allegations that he was fiddling with his piano when the city was burning. Let me tell you it was only a lyre and not a piano. There was this great concert organised by the King and fireworks were arranged around the city and some of them went wrong. Only three of the fourteen districts were burnt to ashes. The Emperor after the concert organised relief for the citizens. As a remembrance of the dead, the Emperor built a new palace for himself in an area cleared by the fire. So as you can see he was above slur and beyond the understanding of common man"

Anchor `Ok, the general consensus is that he was a great human being and able administrator, we all mourn his death"

In case you have still not guessed who the Emperor is, It is Nero I. Nero focused much on diplomacy, trade and increasing the cultural capital of the empire. Despite his antics during the great Roman fire, some historians of that time have painted him in favorable light highlighting the fact that he maintained good relations with the press of those days. Is somebody in a big corruption mess, listening, if only you had done your PR, who knows?

Thuglaq shifts capital from Delhi to Devagiri

Thuglaq is immortalized for his misrule. It is surprising that some historians of that time have labeled him as a wise king. Obviously, Thugulaq knew a thing or two about PR. Here is a panel discussion on Thuqlaq move to shift the capital from Delhi to Devagiri. In the panel are SOB XVI, PIaMPaS XVII and Common Man (CM) discussing the shifting of the capital by Emperor Thugulaq (ET) with a prominent woman journalist who just imposes herself on a discussion and never allows any dissent.

Anchor : We are here to discuss the pathbreaking move of ET to shift the Capital from Delhi to Devagiri, first you Mr SoB, tell us how this move will be good for the country"

SOB XVI : He is best emperor for construction since Nero. Just imagine the number of buildings, roads and other infrastructure that will be built in the new capital. A good Government should spend like this and not on subsidies for the poor guys who anyway will die hungry. In addition, ET has ordered transportation of men, wonen and capital, this is again good news for shares of logistics companies. I put a strong buy on construction, logistics shares and a double thumbs up for the Government"

CM tries to talk, only to be cut by the Anchor "We will come back after a break and you can say whatever you want in whatever time we allow"

In the break, advertisements of construction companies, mineral water manufacturers, logistics companies are played. The programme time of 30 minutes is consumed 18 minutes by Ads.

Anchor "Ok, Mr PIaMPaS XVII, tell us how this capital shift will promote your national building activities?

PIaMPaS "I am very grateful to ET. There will be a party before shifting, en route and after shifting. Many foreign dignatories, rich businessmen will come and my business errr…. cultural exchange will increase and that is a good news for socialites like me"

CM again tries to talk but is again interrupted by the Anchor "I know you have been patiently waiting but Mr. SOB XVI has something important to say about a proposed currency change, let us listen to him. (holds CM shoulder) and says "promise you will get your time" in a very deep passionate voice.

SOB XVI " Yeah, ET has plans to change the currency metal from gold to brass or copper. This will increase the gold reserves and create new opportunities for minting by private parties"

CM snatches the mike and screams "that would mean forged currency". SOB XVI winks at him but the camera intentionally avoids this wink. CM is still talking but his mike is switched off.

Meanwhile, Anchor "Mr CM you have had your say, I guess we have to end it here, at the end of the day, it is a great move by the ET, there will always be dissenting voices but the wheels of progress have to move, Good Night" and the music rolls, the anchor gets into a conversation with PIaMPaS.

To be continued in some randomly numbered part.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Hows news channels would have reported history - A Satire - Part II

News channels have mushroomed over the years. Very few provide news and most of them dish out biased views. Journalists who are twenty something armed with a degree in mass communication presume themselves to be next to the almighty in knowledge. The tendency to jump the gun has become a norm of the day. Discrediting a person, event or idea for them is like turning over the palm. Here I have made an attempt on how these channels would have reported certain well known events in history:

Eccentric Mathematician runs naked down the streets of Syraccus
Newscaster : Hold on, we have breaking news of a man running naked down the streets of syraccues, we will join our reporter who is at the spot.

Reporter: Yeah, there is a man running naked down the streets of Syraccus shouting expletives which are not very audible. Our sources say that this person is a mathematician who was given an assignment by the king but was unable to complete. Obviously, he has lost his head fearing the consequences of not completing his work. To throw light on the subject we have a psychologist………

Archimedes runs down the streets of Syraccus shouting "Eureka, Eureka" after discovering the Archimedes principle.

Prince unable to handle pressure abandons family and kingdom

Newscaster : We have a breaking news of the princes missing from his Palace since last night. Let us join our reporter for the latest.
Reporter: Yes that is true. The prince is missing from yesterday. From our sources we understand that recently he had been on a tour of his kingdom and seen the effects of his misrule. As you know this kingdom has widespread poverty and this prince was not having any idea how to go about solving this problem. Our sources say that he has escaped from the kingdom unable to take the building pressure on him.

Prince Siddhartha renounces worldly pleasures, his kingdom, later attains nirvana and becomes Gautam Buddha.

Tax Payers money goes down the drain, criminal negligence leads to discovery of a God forsaken land.

Newscaster: In another instance of gross negligence by a Government servant, carelessness and lack of knowledge has ensured loss of crores of tax payers money and discovery of a god forsaken land which will not be of any use to the country. We will join our reporter who is at the Government headquarters and has more details.

Reporter: Yeah, this is a serious case of negligence. Lack of planning and non involvement of experts has resulted in this huge land. This senior government officer was sent to discover the land of opportunities but due to his negligence have landed up at a god forsaken place which will be of no use to anybody for the next 1000 years also. The Government has to streamline the working of its employees on whom it has no control over. It may be noted that it was only recently a hefty pay hike was announced for the Government servants. blah…. blah….blah….blah.

Christopher Columbus sets out to discover India but lands up in America.

Killer King turns Saint.

Newscaster: In a bizarre turn of events, a king who was responsible for killing of thousands of soldiers turns saint, let us join our reporter who has been at the spot ever since the battle began. Is it possible that the king is putting on a sorry figure to escape war crimes?

Reporter: Yeah, what you said is very true, it is a bizarre turn of events. Until yesterday this king was relishing killing people and all of a sudden he is turning a saint. As rightly pointed by you, he maybe trying to avoid war crime charges. Also reliable sources have informed us that the King has shifted most of his family and wealth abroad and may escape anytime to avoid war crime charges.

Ashoka disgusted by the sufferings of Kalinga War turns to Buddhism

This is just a poke at the Media for sensationalizing for every event that takes place. There will be many more events reported in my blog until I get a weird new idea for writing or the Media corrects itself, whichever is later.

Part I of this satire will follow…………

Friday, 8 October 2010

How real is Sholay! just for fun

Ever wondered how much Sholay reflects real life. Here are some of them for you

Village besieged by dacoits, Thakur unableOutsourcing

to take them on, brings in Jai and Veeru

Handless Thakur unable to pick the gun and shoot Motivational Speakers.

Endlessly chatting Basanti RJs, VJs, newsreaders,etc.

Gabar Singh Taxman

Radha All female colleagues who get their job done through you without meaning the smile nor the affection.

Surma Bhopali Commentators, Economists, Human Rights Activists, etc.

Dhanno Anti Virus Softwares/ Firewalls

Samba/ Hariram Nai Management Information Systems.

Imam (A K Hangal)/Ahmed (Sachin) Indian Middle Class or Bali ka Bakra

Jai's double sided coin Reality show voting system.

Angreez Zamane Ke Jailor Kalmadi, Ramalinga Raju and con godmen.

Gabar gunning down three of his accomplicesAnnual assessments

Veeru faking suicide Netas going on hunger strike/enquiry commissions/ press exposing scandals etc.

Thursday, 9 September 2010

Funny Unique Indian Personality types

Here is a list of individuals who make life so interesting in this country. 

OYC Female :- Outgoing Yet Conventional female. The same one who wears a plunging neckline and tries to clasp the non existent collar while praying in a temple. The same one who wears a sleeveless chudidhar and tries to cover her shoulders with the dupata. The same one who wears a tight jean and tries to hide her butt with her  short kurta/shopping bag, etc.

The UTH guy:-    The Under-repair Toothless Hairless guy.  He cannot look beyond his tummy and most of his joints crackle when moved at moderate speeds but still oggles  at every shapely B&B. Ratio of hair dyeing and teeth brushing is the same.  

The SoB:- The SpOrts federation Boss. He knows nothing about the task he is handling or has no achievement in the sport but firmly controls the administration. He often ridicules those who question his handling of the sport or his failing health. He screws up matters beyond redemption.

ICC : I  Carry Corruption. He mostly does not bother about what sort of allegations are levied against him but he will stick to his chair. He maybe in charge of the most sensitive portfolio in the country but will concentrate of running mindless bodies. He gives new meaning to the saying "Money is their god and how to make it is their religion".

PIMPS: Pseudo Intellectual Maniac Publicity Seeker.  You can find such individuals mostly in TV debates. They become middle class heroes thanks to visual media. The intention of such individuals is to be in the limelight and to get there, they come up with bizarre ideas, environmentally damaging proposals, childish acts which may threaten their security, crazy proposals for development, etc. In reality such individuals are hollow cylinders but have great PR skills.

GOPI/SIC: Gold Purchasing Idiot/Site Collector. Both are distinct individuals, however, if the income level is high or the level of obsessive compulsory disorder is high, an individual can be both. Such individuals won't holiday, eat or dress well but spend their lifetimes on accumulation.

BLISS : Bhakra Living In Superstitious Sentiments. He will dirty the street corner with a barrage of eggs on an Amavasya Day. He will not give a single morsel of food to a hungry person or have a street fight over paying extra five rupees to the auto driver but he will dump his family wealth and honor at the feet of a con godman. He strongly believes that evil spirits affects wealth and health of himself, his family and foes. The entrance of his house will have strange colored threads hanging all over.

LOOSE Money:  Lacks Optimistic Opinion Seeks Easy money. These sort of guys invest a good portion of their earning to buy lottery tickets, get rich quick schemes, etc but loose their money and end up as frustrated individuals blaming luck for most part of their lives.

BUDGET: Buys Discounted dead Goods Every Time: Always wants a better lifestyle but cant afford it at full rates. Spends most of his holidays browsing through newspaper for discount on clothes, furniture, provisions, holidays, vehicles, insurance policy, etc. 

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

What cannot be fixed in cricket?

It is quite obvious that cricket is the best bet for fixing a sporting event. It seems just about anything can be fixed in a cricket match but the truth is not so and here is the list of events in cricket which cannot be fixed:-

The possibilities of the game being played without a bat and ball.
The possibilities of the game being played without three stumps at each end of the pitch.
Players doing a strip-tease in the stadium when the game is on.
A slip fielder who catches the ball will throw it over the boundary ropes.
The wicket-keeper standing at the boundary for a spinner.
A batsman asking the umpire to place the sight screen between the bowler and him (batsmen having short pitch-o-phobia would love it).
A batsman refusing a boundary which has been signalled.
A non-sledging Australian cricketer.
A sub-continent spinner who appeals genuinely.
Ashish Nehra scoring a test century (because he will never get to face Indian bowling).

Sorry I can't think of anymore happenings in cricket which cannot be fixed, if you can think of any please add to the list. 

Despite all the fixing if you still like cricket, here is the dummy meter:-

1.You switch off the TV when you see cricket – You are the next best thing to happen to mankind after Einstien and Aryabhatta.
2.You watch cricket in bits and pieces – You will do well in your life.
3.You watch every bit of a cricket match – You must be the Sultan of Brunei or a senior citizen. If not both, you should be booked under IPC 302A for brutally killing time.
4.You are passionate about cricket – You should be in the Oscar Awards committee because you are the only hope for a Bollywood movie to win an Oscar.

Friday, 20 August 2010

Marvels Yesterday, Gravels Today - A nostagic look at Marvels which dazzeled us once!!

The new always replaces the old. We are nostalgic about things from the past which were once marvels that dazzled us. Today they are extinct and only the memories are left behind:

Black & White TV –In 80's, a household which had one was considered a middle class family. Today nobody manufactures a B&W TV.

Pagers – I think no other invention has had a shorter shelf life than pagers. It was a status symbol but today there is not even one company which offers pager services. SMSes have completely devoured this form of communication.

Record Players & Cassette Players – It has been years since I have seen a cassette player. It was such a craze to have a two in one at your home.

Steel Gift Items – It was such a craze to give steel pots, buckets, containers as gifts on every mentionable occasion. Thankfully it has become a thing of the past

Video Cassette Players – I think the VCPs had a longer shelf life compared to VCDs

Floppies – What a marvel it was once, where are they today?

Typewriters & Typewriting institutes – Once owning a typewriting institute was akin to owning an engineering college. Each day there used to be atleast 10 to 12 batches. Today I look around not even one typewriting institute I can see. Thank god typewriters are extinct today they were never made for type-errorists like me.

Telex & Telegrams – Telegrams are still around but I don’t know who uses it. Telex are truly extinct but once they dominated office communication like fax and emails do today.

Stencil Cutting & Cyclostlye Copies – They are the forefathers of photocopiers but the process was truly cumbersome. First you had to stencil cut a document and later cyclostyle it.

Bajaj Scooters – This is one process of extinction which hurt me the most. By the time I could start earning Bajaj scooters were never a status symbol and when I wanted to buy they were on their way out.

TV Antennas – Every household had one. It was a common sight to find people atop their roofs adjusting the position of antennas. Cables and DTH have put them out of business.

Caravan & The Illustrated Weekly of India – What a magazine Caravan was but never could keep pace with changing publication needs and became extinct, so did The Illustrated Weekly of India.

DD Metro – It was the ultimate compliment for DD National. The programming concept was more entertaining and liberal. For some reasons better known to Mandi House bosses, this channel became extinct.

The process of change is always going to be there. Ever thought what from our today's could become extinct tomorrow. Could it be the cumbersome hard disks, the space consuming LCD TV's, the slow scanners, the lethargic pens, what could it be? Today's Marvel is sure to be tommorrow's Gravel.

Saturday, 31 July 2010

My experiences with road rage

May contain adult content and to be read only by those comfortable with such stuff.

Now that I have been driving for the past one year, I have been a part of road rage. I have received and shown ire more than a few times. There have been a few occasions when I have given back witty replies which totally shut out the ire of other driver.

Here I was in the beginning of my driving experience and on an empty road going at a very slow pace, a SUV overtook me and asked “Are you driving a bullock cart?” I replied “Yes boss, I have just painted it red and put a steering to it”.

Once more, I was driving uphill and a goods tempo was ahead of me. Going uphill, I should have switched to 2nd gea,r given that I was still a beginner, but chose to drive in the 3rd gear. All of a sudden the tempo driver took a right turn and my engine got switched off while applying the brake. Consequently, a Swift which was coming behind also got switched off. The Swift guy overtook me and told “F*** you”. I just replied “Thanks but I am straight”. He had a great sense of humor and laughed it off.

Everybody who drives a four wheeler considers two wheelers as a nuisance on the road and vice versa. Here was one two wheeler trying to overtake me from a narrow opening available on the right but I did not give him way. Finally he managed to curve around the divider and overtake me. To celebrate his victory, he showed me his middle finger. We had to stop at the same place in different lanes. The guy was heavily built and there was no way I would get into an argument with him. When the signal was about to go green, I rolled down my windows and asked him “Boss, yours is so small”. Before he could react, I was off in a fizz and he could not change lanes.

Here I would like to end this piece with this forwarded email on road rage.

One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport. We were  
driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a  
parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes,  
skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I   mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that?   This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the  
Garbage Truck' He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks.   They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger,   and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a   place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it   personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the   routine life.
Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do   not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so......   'Love
the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'
As very rightly said quote:-
Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take!

Road Rage is not good for your physical and mental health. Just ignore small mistakes by others. There is nothing you achieve by swearing and cursing at others. If the mistake has caused substantial damage to you or your vehicle, just call the traffic cop. You need not lose your dignity and health having a slanging match in the middle of a road.

Monday, 26 July 2010

The Tramp and Travelling Salesman

The Tramp and Travelling Salesman(TS) are the best of friends. Both are very interested in affairs of the society, TS having more a balanced view whereas the TT cannot think beyond his stomach. Once they met over and exchanged their views

TS” Hi man! How have you been over the fortnight?”

Tramp “Great buddy! Got to eat at a couple of lavish weddings, been part of a few political rallies and was part of a rioting crowd during a bandh and did good with a bounty of valuables. How have you been?”

TS “ Very miserable, Political rallies and bandhs means no business for me”

Tramp “What to do one man’s food is another man’s poison?”

TS” In all these years, my food has never become your poison”

Tramp “He who knows no shame knows no difficulties. You are facing the difficulties of working hard”

TS” Just look at me, I have to wear a tie, a clean shirt and shoes but for you dirtier the dress the more better”

Tramp “Yeah, but tell me why do you have to do all this style? Are you customers so posh?”

TS “Yes boss, lots of rich people buy from me because my company sells a lot of factory seconds and fakes of fancy brands”

Tramp “Really, then who buys from the showrooms”

TS” Middle class”

Tramp “Yeah, ever since the middle class has had this implants of EMI and credit cards, they have gone haywire”

TS “You can talk like this because inflation never hurts you”

Tramp laughing “No that’s not true, the quality and quantity of biryani that is served in the political rallies has come down very badly. The Government should do something about rising prices”

TS “You just can’t think beyond your stomach but the Government has a bigger vision and doing their best to control inflation. They monitor crop output regularly to study the impact on prices”

Tramp “What is the point? They can’t store the crops when they are harvested and most of it is consumed by rodents and pests. Why can’t they release the stock into open market?”

TS “You don’t understand, the Government cannot act so irrationally. They have to worry about the commodity exchange also”

Tramp “What is this commodity exchange?”

TS “Just like stock exchange, where instead of stock futures, commodity futures are traded”.

Tramp “Unbelievable, stocks have no value, so they have to be traded but why food grains, they already have a value?”

TS begins to talk but is interrupted by Tramp who says “I don’t understand granting voting rights to NRI’s. These are the same set of guys who rarely voted when they were in the country and left the country because they did not find it profitable enough”

TS” I am quitting for the day. The guy who writes this script gives all the punch dialogues to you and I have to play the role of priest as always”

Tramp “I know he makes me say some of the things which a tramp would never know. Anyhow he now wants us to stand for the theme song”

We are like this

We are like this

Screaming our throats for and against same Gothra marriages

Turning a blind eye to rodents eating food grains

We are like this

We are like this

Worried about NRI voting rights

Not worried about the citizen’s eating rights

We are like this

We are like this

To be continued LITTER

Friday, 19 February 2010

India the No.1 test team??

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India is the No.1 Test team. Is it time to celebrate or time to wail about the empty cupboard we have? Let us get it right we are not going to finish this calendar year as the No.1 test team. Indian cricket reminds me of the famous saying “Water, Water all around but not a single drop to drink”.

Who are the batsmen who will don the mantle after Sachin, Rahul and VVS hang up their boots. Except Sehwag, Gambir and Dhoni, there is hardly any batsman who can last long!? Rohit Sharma and Suresh Raina got thoroughly exposed for their weakness against the short ball during the second edition of IPL. With the over emphasis on IPL, the situation can only get grim. By the way, how many more runs Mohammed Kaif has to score before being considered for a national recall. If runs in Ranji Trophy and Duleep Trophy don’t mean anything, why hold them in the first instance?

Except Zaheer Khan, on-off Ishanth Sharma, injury prone Sreesanth and once in a blue moon performer Harbhajan Singh we don’t have a bowling attack which can win matches leave alone abroad even within India. No serious attempt has been made to develop a battery of potent bowlers. There is nobody who is pushing the existing bowlers in the team. Just look at the Australian team (may not be the No.1 team) are they feeling the absence of Lee? No, because there is an army of bowlers waiting to outdo each other. Test matches are won by bowlers who can take wickets but who will educate the mandarins of Indian Cricket on this?

About Indian fielding, in the 80’s it was said that ball should catch the fielder’s hands and today the situation is not much different. This is despite fielding coaches, drills and blah blah! Why does not BCCI improve the quality of outfields in our stadiums? Can’t we get grassier outfields? Do we lack resources?

The National Cricket Academy has been in existence for the past decade or so. How many genuine test batsmen or bowlers it has produced? Other than Gautam Gambir can’t remember any other name! We have a plethora of coaches and it may not be far away when you have a right hand bowling/batting and left hand bowling/batting coach. India’s best victory in international arena came under an Indian coach i.e. Lalchand Rajput and that is the irony.

BCCI has just become a money minting machinery. They are least bothered about development of test cricket. IPL is the only mantra everybody chants be it the administrators, players, budding players or even the spectators. It is a sort of disrespect to test cricket that India is the number one test team because we just don’t have the heart, intent and resources to continue there.

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