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Thursday, 10 December 2015

Sataric Verses on Auto Drivers, Stock Markets, Marriage and Inflation

Bengaluru Auto Drivers

Moves like king of streets
Abruptly he turns
For many it’s not about the fare
It’s not about reaching someone somewhere
It is all about chatting with friends without a care

Request or urge him to come there
With looks like a maharaja of the yore
He with his eyes will suggest you are an eye sore
And continue with his snore
 There are a obliging few
meters as honest and resolute as the morning dew
no rhyme or rhythm for its upward move
Before you realise you have pledged a fortune.


Stock Markets

BULLS AND BEARS WE ARE THEY SAY

YOUR MONEY IS WHAT THEY PREY

AT OUR COST, THEY MAKE HAY

THE FUNDAMENTALS ARE STRONG SAID ONE EXPERT

ANOTHER SAID, CHARTS ARE WAITING TO SPURT

INVEST FOR THE LONG TERM SAID MANY

ALL BOOKED THEIR PROFITS AND TOOK MY LAST PENNY

HERE WE ARE THE LAMBS

BELIEVING IN MARGINS AND DERATIVES

NOT READING THE DISCLAIMERS

ONLY BELIEVING IN THE STOCK TIPS

Marriage

Marriage, Marriage, the eternal mirage.

Begins in a garden of urge,
Soon turns into a ring of umbrage

Having babies is the default result
Rearing them is the life-long effect.

Remaining committed is the vow
Doing so in devil’s paradise is the woe.

Like my relatives and unlike yours is a couple’s mantra
Ridiculing each others’ is their agenda

Mutual distrust is what they share
Ego massaging is what they care

Marriage, Marriage, the riveting mirage
Arranged or love, without emotional bondage
becomes a horrible sausage


Inflation

Has no logic or reason
Everyday reduces my ration

Economists say it is good for economy
They speak so to improve their economy.

Inflation is like one’s spouse
Always irritating like a louse.

Some say it is due to increased money supply
For everything, a loan I have to apply


In the grammar of inflation
Dal is the interjection
Saving is the adverb

Apple is eaten only in the proverb.

Monday, 2 November 2015

Are BMTC buses meant for transporting goods?

The below attached photographs are from 314 series (KA01FA1583) on 01/11/2015 at 7:30 a.m. Half the bus was occupied with the goods. There was no place to move around. This is a common situation in BMTC buses. No wonder people refrain using BMTC especially if they can afford private transport. What's the use of 1000s of Bus days?

Saturday, 10 October 2015

I am happy to have given up on religion

What would happen if people of different religions practiced their religions arduously in their homes and when they step out not hurt others belief? Religion is the mockery of civilisation I feel, when I see instances of places of worship being attacked or one religion imposing itself on another. It seems people who believe in God cause more damage to God only because of his name". I'm happy to have given up on religion because for sake of one religion, I don't have lynch, kill, burn or break anyone or anything.

Friday, 2 October 2015

Funny Poetry on Schools, Doctors, and Bengaluru Roads

Bengaluru Roads
A monument of potholes

Neither gold bar
Nor in them you can find tar

To lay them, they say we spend crores
But they crumble due to droppings of a few crows

Rain, Rain come any day
But don't wash our roads away

We don't want roads of Beverly hill
At least, not ones, which resemble a landfill.

Schools

Every kid needs education
Else how will schools charge donation

Schools charge high fees parents say
Along with Munni, parents get educated in doing projects, schools replay.

To teach sonny all the alphabet
Parents become school's puppet

Sometimes founders day, many a times this or that day
Through their noses, parents have to pay

Fees which put to shame sleaze
Kids who say Amma instead of Mummy, pay fine, please

Schools call themselves international
Just because their website is operational

Parents made it despite studying in normal schools.
What makes them sleep outside convent schools?

Is it an inferiority complex?
Or has education become complex.

The Journalist

He screams on behalf of the nation
I wonder who gave him the sanction

Is it news or noise hour
Nobody gets to speak during his yappy hour

As unbiased as the slope uphill
Logic matched only by a cycle downhill

Top of the TRP they show
Only because I don't switch off such bow, bow

I HAD A SNEEZE

I had a sneeze
Lasted long enough to scare my missez

Ordered me to go to a GP
Who first checked my BP

Neither, high nor low
At 40 plus, he wondered how

Due to the AC, I did shiver
He decided to check my liver
Said the report `Cactus Chutney' he can devour

The Doc was not yet done with my money
I laughed though it was not funny

Thus, started a cough
He said, after a laugh, it means your lungs are not good enough

Report came for the x-ray
His lungs are happy and gay

Next, he wanted to do a biopsy
And find why my skin is dark
I told my dog can bite off your chopsy
With and without a bark

I went to find reason for a virulent sneeze
The doctor with his bills was planning to take one of my kidneys

Getting Married

Amma said it's time you got married
Enough for you have I curried

I replied if cooking is the bother
Let me learn to handle the cooker

Fed up of you late night weekend
Only a shrewd girl can bring this to an end

If opening the door is the reason for this karaoke
50 Rupees, 50 Rupees, I reasoned, costs a duplicate key

There should be somebody to take care of you when old
Before that, she will demand from me a lot of gold

Mom used her trump card
Before I close my eyes, want to see your wedding card

For 15 years, I have been married.
Not hen-pecked but hen kicked.

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

A Day In The Life Of A Biryani Lover

Have you ever confessed love for a particular item, I mean, food item? I don’t hide my love for mutton biryani, to the extent that, my name has been prefixed by the word mutton biryani on many an instances. A few of my friends have suggested that I’ve an Obsessive Compulsory Disorder for Mutton Biryani and they are not any farther from the truth than a motorist would be from a pothole on Bengaluru road. There are days when everything appears to me like a biryani usually when a weekend is approaching and I’ve planned to have biryani at a particular place. Here is a narration of one such day.


Usually, I wake up as fresh as a biryani which has not been eaten for days but on this particular Friday I woke up with all the anticipation of a weekend.



To begin with I had to burn the calories, which is a more difficult process than making a Hyderabadi Biryani. Just because I eat a lot of goat’s meat, Oats is what I get at breakfast to eat.

 After all the jogging and exercising I come back home only to get a look spicier than an Andhra Biryani look from my wife, just because I did not switch off the balcony lights and forgot to bolt the main gate.


The drive to office was very pleasant and I was able to find the green signal always. It was like having an Awadhi Biryani.




There was one BMTC bus which was emitting smoke as dark as a Dindugul Biryani.




Then came my Secretary looking like as delicious as  a Thallasery Biryani but not within my reach.




I found my boss to be in a spicier mood than a Dhone Biryani.




The meetings are as boring and tasteless as a biryani prepared in a five-star hotel for European tourists.

Lunch in canteen by providence was Vegetable Biryani



Work was so hectic I felt like the main constituent of a Kheema Biryani



The feedback from the users was as mixed as a Kolkatta Biryani




Finally, the day was over, the weekend had begun. I felt like having Ambur Biryani, which I did.


Thursday, 17 September 2015

Formula Poetry

Poem 1

(a+b)2 has made lives difficult

To find (300+222)2 is not making stones melt

In life, we want everything as per the equation

But the result is always in transition

Wives want their husbands to be sages while they shop

Husbands want their wives to fit in their pre-marriage top

In-laws want their daughter/son-in-law to be without a flaw

While suspecting them as an outlaw.

Parents want their children to succeed

More than their relative or neighbour’s breed.

(a+b)2 is not as difficult as it is made by some

If we realize, both a and b are never same in every sum



Poem 2

N20 is the formula for laughing gas

H2O fills the drinking glass

If chemistry could be to life’s problem, the solution

Satire is not required to soothe the human emotion

Every house would have a lab, instead of a tap

Politicians would have one issue less to yap



Poem 3

Every action, has an equal and opposite reaction said son of a Brit

Which I understood only in spirit

Everytime my boss temper snaps

I tell him don’t behave like one of those satraps

Pink Slip he starts whispering

I end my uprising



My wife is obsessed with Mr Newton’s second law of motion.

It’s a well aimed rolling pin, when I talk ill of my in-laws

That’s replaced by a flying frying pan, when I talk well of her in-laws.

The Apple Head’s second law of motion always keeps me in attention.



A Bengaluru motorist swears by the first law of motion

He says it’s by shrillness of his horn, the vehicle ahead of him stays
in motion


An apple on his head, lead to laws of gravity

On my head, it may lead to injury

I end with apologies to the devil of poetry.

About Me

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India