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Friday, 7 September 2012

Horror-scope for News reporter and Journalists



Ever since I wrote this horrorscope, news reporters and journalists have been hounding me to write one for them. So here it goes
Aries (March 21 − April 19) – You will find that your newspaper had become the No.1 because of its utility on window panes.
Taurus (April 20 − May 20) – You will finish a heated TV debate, go to the wash room and suddenly say this to yourself.
Gemini (May 21 − June 20) – Your seedy conversations will become the breaking news of the month
Cancer (June 21 − July 22) – Your government sources will get revealed and it is this
Leo (July 23 − August 22) – Your hunt for the next TRP generating middle class Icon will end up with this fake.
Virgo (August 23 − September 22) –. You will get a birthday gift of this from God.
Libra (September 23 − October 22) – Your worse fears will be confirmed; your citizen journalists are starting a channel on their own.
Scorpio (October 23 − November 21) – Movie producers will bribe you to give bad reviews, because audience throng to see such movies.
Sagittarius (November 22 − December 21) – You will discover that CAGs next report is about concessions given by Government to media houses and losses to the exchequer
Capricorn (December 22 − January 19) – Desperate for breaking news, your editor asks you go to Mars and do a sting on Curosity.
Aquarius (January 20 − February 18) – You will discover that these ads are fetching more revenue than the ads  telecast during your news bulletins.
Pisces (February 19 − March 20) – You start an ad program with Google Adsense for your entertainment programs but find to your shock that most of the ads based on keywords is for this  product or this one

In case you are a journalist/news reporter and don’t experience any of these, please join a NGO and serve the poor. If you experience all of the 12, apply for lifetime achievement award in journalism.

Sunday, 2 September 2012

Horror-scope for Bangaloreans




I tried blogging to supplement my income but is not working. My Google Adsense account has been banned thanks to an overzealous friend. To ensure earnings from blogs, I have decided to write horror-scopes for various categories of people. Charity begins at home, so does experiment and keeping in tune with this sentiment, I am starting out with writing horror-scope for Bangalore citizens.
Aries (March 21 − April 19) – You will find your parking space occupied by garbage because garabage generated by you does not have a parking space.
Taurus (April 20 − May 20) – Today if it rains heavily you will find that Bangalore has replaced Udaipur as city of lakes because you will find a lake in every road of Bangalore on your drive back home.
Gemini (May 21 − June 20) – Today you will start believing that Bangalore roads are the arena for xtreme sports.
Cancer (June 21 − July 22) – Your harassed psyche   will start suspecting that Curosity pictures are from some landfill for Bangalore garbage.
Leo (July 23 − August 22) – You would want to go on a hunger strike until footpath is renamed as lootpath.
Virgo (August 23 − September 22) – You would want to go on knees and prostrate before the CAG if they can tell you how many lakhs of crores Bangaloreans have lost due to a non - existent infrastructure.
Libra (September 23 − October 22) – You will believe that you are driving on American roads not because of the quality of roads but because most two wheelers are driving on wrong side of the road and the traffic cops are doing nothing about it.
Scorpio (October 23 − November 21) – You would want to know from the athletics federation why Bangalore pedestrians are not allowed to compete in the Olympics. Even Usain Bolt can’t cross a speeding vehicle more quickly.
Sagittarius (November 22 − December 21) – You would want to scream at Mallya `If you had run KFA with purely profit only model like BMTC buses, your model airhostess would have still been employed’
Capricorn (December 22 − January 19) – Your poor mathematics skills will suggest that going to Mars is cheaper than buying a house in Bangalore.
Aquarius (January 20 − February 18) – You would want the IIMs to include a chapter in their syllabus on `How to convince Bangalore autowallas to go where you want to?’
Pisces (February 19 − March 20) – You would want to know from BESCOM why power supply quality is as unstable as the ministry in power.

For  tomorrow’s forecast please interchange with the sun sign of your liking and if on any day, you have all the 12 experiences, please contact  here for  further  assistance.

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India