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Wednesday, 21 September 2011

I, Me and Myself discuss India V England Cricket Series

I, Me and Myself have never seen a more worse cricket series. Even King Bruce and his spider won’t be proud of the Indian Cricket Team’s effort in England.
We got together to discuss the tour and needless to say our conscience ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON were there and as always they made a lot of barbs in the conversation.

Myself `We hardly looked like the number 1 team in test matches’
MYSELFCON `Is it a coincidence, that Harry Potter, came to an end just before the England series?’
Me `What the hell did the Indian team think they were doing in England? ’
MECON `They were just boring the Englishmen to death for enslaving us for so long’
I ` What did the Indian achieve by playing so pathetically?’
ICON `They saved Poonam Pandey ki izzat’
Me ` I think the Indian players used the ambulance more than the team bus’
MECON `If only every player had gone to the ground with two body guards each, these many injuries would not have taken place’
MYSELFCON `I think Manish Tiwari’s head to toe analogy about Anna Hazare would have been more applicable to the injured Indian Cricket team’
I `We were the Indian lambs in an English summer’
ICON `The Englishmen showed their meanness by slaughtering and feasting on injured lambs’
MECON `Only the inflation rate exceeded the number of our injured cricketers’
ME `Dhoni, should have been more innovative and desperate to retain the number 1 ranking’
MECON `Yes, he should have gone on fast demanding the No.1 ranking’
Myself `We should appreciate Dhoni’s spirit of cricket, even in times of adversity, he called back Bell to bat’
MYSELFCON `If rules permitted, Dhoni would have called back the English team every time they declared’
I ` I don’t understand why Dhoni was subdued on the field?’
ICON `Possibly he too was worried about the increasing fuel prices’

Me `Only Dravid looked like batting for long hours’
MECON ` It is time somebody wrote a song ALL IS WALL’
I `I think IPL is the culprit for our below par performance’
ICON `It is one thing to swing the bat in a 20-20 match and another to play the swinging ball’
MYSELFCON `I think our batsman bat like they tweet, very short’
Myself  ` We did not cross 300 runs even in a single inning’
ICON `We did score more than 300 in the last one day match but that too made no difference’
MYSELFCON `Also true, not even one English batsman scored a triple century against us’
Me `There was no positives to carry for the team to carry from this series as far as batting is concerned’
MECON ` We can carry the positives in alkaline batteries used by the players’
MYSELFCON `You dummy these days they use Ipods and those don’t have alkaline batteries’
ICON `You both are dummies, we never batted long enough throughout the series for a battery to get exhausted’
Myself `They have a better bowling attack’
MYSELFCON `Thank God, they did not play Mr Onions, otherwise we would have cried on the pitch’
Me `Except Praveen Kumar, nobody looked like getting a wicket’
MECON `He got wickets mainly because English batsman got fed up of waiting for his balls to arrive’
ICON `Sreeshanth was well behaved and so were his balls, they never swung’
MECON `I hope you only meant the cricket balls he bowled'
MYSELFCON `Bhajji is not even a half spinner, he bowls right arm, very straight, short and slow’
I `Of all the bowlers, why did Dhoni ask for RP Singh as a replacement’
ICON `Because a friend in need is a friend indeed’
Me ` Why Ashwin never played in the test matches or Varun Aroon in one days? ‘
MECON `Only Wikileaks would know’
Myself `The Indian team was saved by Anna Hazare’
I and Me together `What are you saying?’
Myself `Otherwise, we would have burnt their effigies and written countless acerbic blogs against them’
I `Let us not confuse these jokers with the nation building task that Anna Hazare has taken upon himself’
ICON `The cricket team would like to see this national building task to continue till they return from Australia’
MECON `Kiran Bediji should do one more ghoonghat act lampooning the cricketers’
Myself `I vow that I will never ever see a cricket match again’
MYSELFCON `Yes, till, the butt swinging cheer leaders of Champions League come by’
As the three depart, ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON jointly SCREAM

Cricket maybe your passion
for them it is a profession
for you defeat is a dreaded day
for them it is another day
you get excited seeing them win
they are worried about earning more for their kin

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India