Wednesday, 10 December 2014

A Blog for Nationwide Road Safety Campaign by Nissan Safety Driving Forum

You must consider yourself blessed if you have not been chided by an auto or taxi driver as `L board’, just because you were following traffic rules and driving. It is assumed in our country that you’re a disciplined driver because you don’t have the driving skills to be indisciplined. Even if we Indians are given two hundred feet driving space on either side of the road we will create traffic jams. It seems, we just don’t have the gene which is responsible for `disciplined driving’ on the road.

       I don’t understand what parents think of themselves when they let their under-aged kids drive on the road. Is there no better way to prove their love? Is there no sane way of making their kids independent and bold? If their kid hits somebody, they know how to get them out of legal troubles but what happens if their kid hits an electric pole and gets electrocuted?  What’s the point of crying and wailing later?

Wrong-side driving in our country is a religious ritual which transcends all religions. Motorists feel it is the equivalent of switch hit or googly on a cricket field and execute it with impunity. Most of these idiots feel `when there are no vehicles coming from the other side, what is the wrong in driving on other side of the divider? Even otherwise vehicles coming from other side should see and adjust themselves’. On a sarcastic note one can say by breaking lane discipline they are sticking to the national ideal of `United we stand, divided we fall’. It’s high time that atleast on Bengaluru roads, a separate lane is made for wrong side driving on either side of the road.

Those who drive cars are not above board. Some of them are worse than auto drivers both in behavior and driving skills. `Bigger the car lesser the common sense of the driver’ is a postulate on Indian roads, few would dispute. Those who drive SUVs feel that it is an insult to their vehicle to drive behind a small car, and overtake it, use all intimidating techniques. Most car owners feel that they can park their cars even in middle of the road as long as they put on the parking lights. A handful of car drivers use indicators to show which direction their chariot is likely to turn. When I start my drive, I put my mobile in `Airplane Mode’ because I know that even if I get a call that my nearest or dearest is serious, I can do nothing about it. However, this opinion is not shared by most car owners and they are ever-ready to talk on the mobile while driving, making an ass out of themselves and putting theirs as well as others lives into risk. Wearing a seat belt is presumed to be necessary only while driving on a highway whereas its need is more on city roads where the need for applying sudden brake is more.

Footpath as defined in the dictionary is “a narrow path for walkers only or a raised space alongside a road, for pedestrians”. In Bangalore it is a space exclusively reserved for the shopkeepers and garage owners to transact their business. Many of the corporation authorities don’t even know it is an offence and those who know it is one make a quick buck from the traders. The traffic police who promptly book any vehicle for being parked in a no-parking zone do not mind when the footpath is fully obstructed. The pedestrians are left with no option but to walk on the road. Once in a while, one of them will get hit by a vehicle and people will burn a few vehicles but that does not affect either the corporation or the traffic police to crack hard on the offenders. After all allowing such transgressions is so beneficial to both the parties. 

The fines and punishment for traffic offences have to be increased 10x times but as long as breaking traffic rules and getting away with it is considered a part of smartness or one’s social reach, the traffic sense in our country is not going to improve.


Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Why Indians Love And Adore PG Wodehouse?

It was the other day; a fellow fan of PG Wodehouse asked this question ` I, too, am amused to know that PGW's greatest fans are in India. To what do you attribute the devotion?’

For an author who died four decades ago, he still sells like hot cakes in India. I doubt if he still sells as much in the country of his birth. Just visit any PG Wodehouse group on Facebook, you will find Indians reminiscing about his works. One of the most erudite of Indian politician, Shashi Tharoor is a fan of him.
Indians love anything that’s English. Indians love English more than Englishmen. Even Jeeves would not disagree with the above statement, given the craze of Indian parents to get their kids admitted to a convent preferably one with an International School tag attached to it. Kings English is what most know; in India we have `Butler English’ with its own set of rules. We talk to even our siblings in English. Even the governance system in India is largely based on the British model. Think about it, some of the best planned roads in India are still those which the British had planned. Such being the case, P G Wodehouse, the best writer in English after Shakespeare, being adored in India is nothing but natural. Indians love their grammar as much as they love their grandparents and PG Wodehouse with his impeccable English had to impress the Indians.

        We, Indians love happy endings. Just read our epics; see our movies and even watch the most tear jerker of serials, they all have a happy ending. Is there any book that PG Wodehouse had written and did not have a happy ending? If there is one, I’m not interested in knowing, leave alone reading it.

        Aunts in PG Wodehouse’s novels are as Indian as they are English. In India, after mosquitoes, aunts are the most irksome ones. Pity, you can swat a mosquito but not an aunt. Beginning from keeping you the most irritating pet names when you were a toddler, to sniping about your profligate spending habits, to pestering you to marry their daughter or son when you are eligible, to taunting you about not having kids on time, they do it all. Hence, there is no surprise that an average Indian agrees with Plum when he writes `Aunts aren’t Gentlemen’.

There is no shortage of Berties in India, their only achievement is either to have born to affluent parents or made a large inheritance. Most Indians have a Bertie Wooster in their friends list. Bertie is a more affable guy only because he was written by Wodehouse, who is from a society that respect rules more than Indians do. The Indian Berties are more menacing, troublesome and worth shooting down.

India is strewn with Ukridges and unlike him the Indian version is always successful and even reaches high positions in life. There is no shortage of ponzi scheme operators; quack doctors; con god men; fake job consultants, you name it, we have it. There is no Indian alive or dead who has not been done in by an Ukridge, one time or the other and some of them end up having a laugh about him in Wodehouse’s books. In a country of 130 crore people, some is the population of many a countries.

The Gussie type speech fiasco after having spiked Orange juice is the most common comedy scene in Indian movies. Most Indian guys have been George Finch trying to propose to a Molly but never have had a happy ending. We love to be Hamilton Beamish (The Small Bachelor). The body swap that takes place in Laughing Gas is part of Hindu Legend. I have no idea why I love Blandings Castle.

One can go on endlessly about how Indians connect with Wodehouse at various levels but the long and short of it is, PG Wodehouse novels are more Indian than English. There is always a lanky Balasubramaniam Meganthan in some college of India waiting to be introduced to the master humourist by his English lecturer.

Saturday, 18 October 2014

A Tribute To P G Wodehouse On His 133rd Birth Anniversary

It was P G Wodehouse’s 133rd Birth Anniversary on October 15th and in that sense, this is a belated birthday wish.

I have always wondered why PG Wodehouse is the most important writer in English Literature only next to Shakespeare. Is it just the humour, which his writing is so full of? Is it the language which is so easy to understand yet impeccable when it comes to grammar? I am yet to satisfactorily answer myself.

I was first introduced to P G Wodehouse in 1988 by an English lecturer of mine, Mr Sathyanarayana. The thought of introducing me to PGW’s works came to him because in debate competitions, I laced my arguments with a bit of humour to make my point. I am indebted to my lecturer for life for this turning point but after reading a couple of books at college, I totally forgot the works of PGW to concentrate on what the accounting books had to teach me.

It took me another 20 odd years and 2 bouts of treatment for depression to realize the value of reading the Master to take life lightly. How about High Stakes (The Heart of a Goof) in which Bradbury Fisher loses his butler Blizzard in a round of Golf to his rival Gladstone Bott? He is extremely worried how his wife would react to it but she lands from the ship, with a new butler Vosper and pleads with her hubby to somehow dispense with the services of Blizzard.  Who can forget Bertie’s troublesome guest Lord Pershore and how Jeeves got him into prison by wagering him fifty dollars that he would not punch a passing policeman in the eye? Isn’t the story of Corky who wanted to be a portrait painter, becoming  a cartoonist, thanks to the advice of Jeeves,  a lesson for all those who are not able to find where their talent lies? Maybe situations in real life don’t replicate themselves as they do in Wodehouse land.

The bubbly character of Uncle Fred; the obsession of Lord Emsworth with pigs; Galahad Therphwood insistence to write his reminiscences; the domineering Aunt Agatha; the smooth talking small time conman Ukridge and many other characters can be seen in real life in one form or the other.

The way PG Wodehouse relates the situations is simple yet amazing. Take for instance this sentence from, Summer Moonshine `Sir Buckstone had often dredged the dictionary for adjectives to describe the home of his fathers, but “cute” was one which had not occurred to him. Can one character express the hatred that he has for the other better than Bertie does in Aunts aren’t Gentlemen `Aunt Dahlia, not to be confused with my Aunt Agatha who eats broken bottles and is strongly suspected of turning into a werewolf at the time of the full moon’. Well, it can be bettered only by PG Wodehouse, as he did in The Girl in Blue `The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write the beastly book, when a simple apology was all that required’.

PG Wodehouse is the gold standards of literature and more importantly the standard for any humorous writer. Nobody can match him, not even all the humour writers of all the worlds on one side and PGW on the other side, the Plum will win it hands down. It is because of this strong conviction that, mostly a non-violent being like me, wanted to strangulate an Indian author who had gumption to say `Chetan Bhagat too writes like PGW’. PGW humour is subtle not loud and outlandish. I have hardly read any below the belt jokes in PGW works and definitely there is no sleaze in his writings. The technology has changed drastically since his days yet people find it relevant. I have never been to UK or USA, yet can imagine and appreciate places like Blandings Castle; The Drones Club; Market Blandings; The Senior Conservative Club; Paddington Station, etc. Dog races

PG Wodehouse for me has been the clich├ęd `Philosopher and Guide’. There are many a worries and tensions of my life that I have given a go by thanks to PGW’s books. Being a teetotaler, he is my liquor to kiss stress a good night. I manage to write something which can be called humour and thanks largely to the books of PG Wodehouse.

I will end with this compliment that Bertie pays to Jeeves `If had half Jeeve’s brain, I should have a stab, at being Prime Minister of something’. Well, PGW could have been that the Prime Minister of Britain but after being linked with Nazis, he never returned to his homeland. It is though a matter of pride that P G Wodehouse is still revered in India while there seems to be hardly an enthusiasm about his writing in the UK.
        Is there any hard core fan of P G Wodehouse who has not done this atleast once?

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Who Killed Rama, Was It Ravana? - A Gripping Short Story

At the outset, I want to make it clear that the main character Rama in this short story has no resemblance to Lord Rama, who is perceived to the epitome of righteousness and integrity. This is just the story of a guy who was named Rama by his parents but was unlike Lord Rama.

            The story begins…..

            Everybody at the `Golden Deer Park’ agreed that it was tragic. Many said 27 is not the age for one to die. A few recalled the philandering ways of the deceased Rama whose dead body was in a pool of blood. It seemed the deceased had fallen off from the balcony of his 15th floor flat or may have been pushed off.

            The police began its investigations and it was revealed that the deceased was a playboy. His recent conquest was Janaki, daughter of Ravana his estranged maternal uncle. Ravana was not named at birth as Ravana but as Janakan. Janakan was deeply influenced by Dravidanism and hence renamed himself as Ravana. However, he named his daughter as Janaki, owing to the pressure of his wife Mandodari, who coincidentally was named at birth as Mandodari but revered the Hindu epics. Ravana was happy because either by his new name or old name, he was the father of Janaki. He was short in stature and temper but not in opportunism.

Ravana was a merciless money lender. He had even besieged the property of his sister Sita (Rama’s Mother) who failed to pay interest on the loans taken from him. This had caused a rift between Sita and Ravana. After this incident, he was looked down upon in his native village and came to Bangalore in search of a living. He took to money lending and became instantly successful given that he was more canny and ruthless in collecting money than Bangalore two wheeler motorists are in negotiating traffic.

Sita had a son named Rama who completed his graduation in commerce and landed up in Bangalore looking for a job. His killer looks, Adonis build and sense of humour floored many girls and even married women. Unable to find a  proper job, he ended up as a CCO (Chief Collection Officer) of a finance firm. By providence or design, he stayed in and around the area where Ravana’s residence was. Once, Janaki saw Rama straightening a pole whose bent posture was hindering street dogs from answering their call of nature.   She fell in love with him much like children across the country get trapped in a deserted borewell.

Ravana was happy on coming to know that Rama was his sister Sita’s son. However on investigation, the truth emerged about Rama’s character and the fact that he was confidant of his bitter rival Maruthi Financers. Ravana hated Maruthi Finances because they virtually burned his business by offering loans at interest which was 1% less than what he charged.

From that day, Ravana never approved of the relationship between the two. However, as they say passions of the youth and reasons for a traffic jam in Bangalore are incomprehensible. The more Ravana tried to separate the two, the more selfies of Janaki and Rama started appearing on various social media platforms. Once when Ravana had gone on a business trip to Colombo, Rama and Janaki holidayed and partied in Goa. Rama started blackmailing Ravana with a few video clips taken during the trip. In return for the video clips, he demanded back his mother’s property.

Ravana was determined to teach Rama a lesson, and on that fateful day had come searching for him in an animated way. These images were caught in the CCTV of the apartment in which Rama stayed. Rama as per the autopsy report had fallen off the balcony between 21:30 and 21:33 hours and the CCTV recordings suggested that Ravana entered the lift of `Golden Deer Park’ at 21:18 hours. It was an open and shut case; the police arrested Ravana for murder of Rama. Ravana pleaded innocence. He said he was nearly 10 feet away when Rama fell off the balcony. The police were not ready to believe him and most importantly the TV channels would not allow the police to give a sympathetic consideration to Ravana’s version. They kept on playing clips of his closeness with politicians. Another channel conducted an interview with all the people who had taken loans from him and faced his wrath. The third, a national channel which was adored by the muddle err. middle class for the nuisance new sense news it telecasted, played a simulated version of what might have happened on that day. Its chief editor thundered questions after questions so much so that Ravana’s lawyer left the studio in a huff looking for the next rocket to Mars.

Janaki on coming to know about the video clips started hating Rama. She was happy that he was dead. She believed in her father’s innocence. Deep down in her heart she knew that her father would never commit something as ghastly as a murder and leave behind so much proof. Though the best lawyer in town was hired, getting bail for Ravana became as impossible as finding a parking slot on a Sunday evening in Commercial Street, Bangalore. Finally, they chanced upon Smt. Manthara, a private detective who was previously in police service but was discharged on medical grounds because she developed a hunch back. She had previously faced the wrath of Late Rama due to failure to make timely payment of her loans.

            Ravana had spoken of a few video clips of Janaki that Rama tried to blackmail him with. Police searched for the clips in Rama’s PC, Mobile, Laptop, etc but they could not find it. The police concluded that Ravana was trying to mislead the probe and ignored his statement to that extent. Smt. Manthara believed that the mobile phone containing the video clips could save Ravana from the noose. Janaki also vouched that she had seen Rama having two mobile phones during their trip to Goa.

She and Janaki with the clandestine permission of the police entered Rama’s apartment. They ransacked the apartment to find the mobile phone or the clippings but were unable to do so. Disappointed, they went to the balcony from where Rama fell off or was pushed off. The balcony railings were pretty high and it would have required a huge effort on the part of a short Ravana to push a very tall Rama off the balcony. There are many occasions in life when our disabilities become our biggest strengths. Take for example, our zealous convent schools who with their school projects sharpen the academic skills of parents or for that matter Bangalore’s encroached footpaths ensure that pedestrians’ reflexes are always at their peak. Similarly, Smt. Manthara’s hunchback had enabled her eyes to reach angles which a normal human eye failed. Peeping through the balcony on a full moon night, she could see a black object stacked in a lawn lamp which for aesthetics’ purpose was shaped like the lip of a woman. She pulled Sita, rushed down the stairs and reached the lawn. Smt. Manthara took a stone, broke the lamp and out popped a seemingly new black mobile phone. They decided to charge the battery to check the contents of the mobile phone. In case of it being found useless, Smt Manthara decided to retain it for her own use.

            The mobile phone on charging had all the clips that Ravana was referring to. Smt. Manthara admired the fact that Janaki had good love making skills at such a young age. These clips Smt. Manthara contended would save Ravana from the noose but there was yet another which they almost ignored and on seeing that both jumped with joy. It was the clip of Rama in an inebriated state trying to take a selfie video of himself and the moon on his head, tripping over the balcony, plunging fifteen floors below and the mobile squeezing itself into the lip like shaped lamp. 

Takeaways from the story:-

  1. Name alone does not make anyone good.
  2. Does not matter even if your name is Ravana, you have buckle up when the wife orders.
  3. Titles of many stories are misleading to attract more views.

This is not a fast food restaurant to have unlimited takeaways.

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

14 Weird Facts About Bangalore from a BBC Bangalore Guy

Having BBC (Born, Brought Up and Corrupted) in Bangalore, here is my list
of 14 weird facts about Bangalore

1.      BMTC buses go to places where Auto rickshaws refuse to go to.

2.      Nobody knows how an average auto rickshaw driver makes his money.

3.      You are supposed to know driving, only if you can break all the traffic
rules and drive. It’s your bad day if you get caught in Bangalore by a
traffic cop.

4.      You have a Mangalore Bajji, Mysore Bonda, Dharwad Peda but no cuisine
it seems has originated from Bangalore.

5.      Number of potholes on a road is directly proportional to the rent
charged. More number of potholes on a road means more rent.

6.      Security Deposit is collected by an owner only to meet his medium term
cash needs, at times it can be 10 or 15 or 20 months of monthly rent.

7.      Schools even without a compound call themselves as an International

8.      The average shopkeeper will park his wares on the footpath but won’t
allow you to park your vehicle in front of his shop.

9.      The guys who named localities in Bangalore had a great sense of humour.
There are countless Bomasandras, two LB Sastry Nagars (separated by a few
kilometers distance) and two Kanamangalas (at extreme ends of Bangalore).

10.     You have more bars than self service hotels; more self service hotels
than restaurants; more restaurants than play homes; more play homes than
playgrounds; less play grounds than temples; More temples than Government
Schools; Less Government schools than Beauty Parlours/Spas and More Beauty
Parlours than Parks.

11.     One prominent corporate hospital is located next to a crematorium.

12.     90% of the greenery in Bangalore is found in Defence Controlled Areas.

13.     You can’t find a locality in Bangalore which had a British name and
has not been renamed with an Indian name, yet referred to by its British

14.     Most places with circles as their surname eg Mekhri Circle no longer
have a circle.

Monday, 22 September 2014

Ten Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die

The title itself is absurd becaue I have a million things to do before I
die. I would love to kick a few on their faces before I die but I cannot
put down their names here. However, having taken up the challenge, here
are a few I would like to do before I die

I would love to have a bank balance in which the digit 9 is followed by
eight 9s. Once that is in place other things will fall in place. If I
write a blog then on this subject it will be truthful.

I would love to travel Europe extensively with a visit to the PG Wodehouse
museum. Witnessing the Northern Lights is one thing I would relish. I
would love to do Bungee Jumping but given the present state of my neck, it
would remain a dream for ever. How kind is life to remind us that even if
you have a 9 digit balance with all 9s in it, certain things cannot be
conquered. A couple of nights stay at the Al Burj, Dubai would be the best
consolation to not being able to do Bungee Jumping. I would love to watch
Sunrise from the first point on Earth. An evening at the Sydney Harbour
Bridge; a day at Disneyland, watch the Niagara Falls from both sides and a
dinner at the Gawalmandi Food Street, Lahore are also on the list.

One thing which annoys me most is Indian dishes made to suit Western taste
buds in star hotels. Imagine having a mutton curry without spice in it. To
retaliate I would love to own a restaurant in Europe where the best of
western dishes are served to suit the Indian taste buds.

Otherwise, I am a pretty contended man. The bank balance mentioned at the
beginning is to take care of those wishes which have not been penned here.

Friday, 19 September 2014

Eateries I Liked The Most in Bangalore

Being a foodie to list 10 favorite eating places is difficult because you
don’t know which to leave but at the same time having sold your culinary
buds totally to Indian Food, the list will more like a menu of a
multi-cuisine Indian restaurant. I have randomly listed the eateries I
like in and around Bangalore with a mention of what I liked in those

1.      Bhagatram – Gulab Jamoon, Carrot Halwa and Chats. No where will you get
better Gulab Jamoons than here!

2.      Taj Hotel, Shivajinagar – Mutton Biryani and most of the mutton items.

3.      Nagarjuna, Residency Road – Full Meals and Chilli Chicken.

4.      Nilgiris, Brigade Road – Cakes and Puffs.

5.      Rice Bowl, Lavelle Road – Chinese Food (which is made only in India :D )

6.      Anachi – Chettinad food items esp Crab preparations.

7.      Anjappar – Chettinad food items and surprisingly Chicken Tikka.

8.      Shilpa Vegetarian, Shivajinagar – North Indian Meals.

9.      Vidayarthi Bhavan, Gandhi Bazar – Masala Dosa

10.     Adyar Ananda Bhavan – Mini Tiffin (The cost is a steal!)

11.     Ullas Refreshment, MG Road – Vegetable Cutlet.

12.     Karthik Sweets, CMH Road – Chats.

13.     Sreeraj Lasi Bar, Shivajinagar – Kulfis, Milk Shakes and Juices.

14      KC Das -        Bengali Sweets.

15.     Berry d’Alive, Indiranagar  – Desserts.

16.     Hotel Janardhana, Ramnagara (enroute to Mysore) – Heavenly Mysore Pak.

17.     Rahams, Mosque Road – Mutton Biryani

18.     Siddique Kabab Centre, St. Johns Road – Kababs, Kababs and more Kababs

19.     Uphara Dharshini, DVG Road, NR Colony – Kadabu and Kesari Bath.

20.     Vasudev Adigas (across Bangalore) –  South Indian Vegetarian.

21.     Barbeque Nation, Indiranagar 100 ft Road – Great Buffet and can hog
till you drop dead.

        Here I should mention that Mutton Biryani in a Muslim Marriage is the
ultimate. The food variety in the yearly Ramzan Food Camp, Mosque Road is
out of earth. Food Street in VV Puram requires a special mention

All the above appear insignificant when compared to a simple Rice-Sambar
or for that matter any dish prepared at home.

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

A Typical Tamil Wedding In Hashtags

No claim of any accuracy is made there may be a lot of omissions. This is
just a random recollection of what happens in a typical Tamil Wedding and
no offences meant. Hope you enjoy the fun
#obsecenlygrand #weddingcards
#relatives #acceptpersonalinvites #only
#groomgets #onlycoatsuit #ofhislife
#reception #grosslydelayed
#beautifulgirl #looksscary
#plasticchairs #tosit
#redsofas #withrustedgoldenhandles #forthefamiliestosit
#thronelikechair #forcouple
#couple #nevergettosit
#gawdycolorpackaged #gifts
#vipguests #breakingqueues
#videographer #getsvantageposition
#gossiping #guests
#comparing #thecouple
#tracing #humbleorgins #ofthefamilies
#dinninghall #inbasement
#moreoily #vegetablepulav
#iceless #icecreams.
#lateend #toreception
#coupleeating #stalefood
#tonsof #foodwasted
#looksmorebeautiful #thanwithcoating
#respect #for #unknownstars
#pujari #rules
#smokeallaround #thepodium
#groom #moretensed #thanyesterday
#videographer #getsthebestview
#tying #thenuptialknot
#strangers #becomehusbandwife
#bridecries #forltheasttime #in life
#sevenrounds #ofthesacredfire
#seekingblessing #fromelders
#couplestart #anewlife

Thursday, 11 September 2014


Putting out a list of one’s 10 best read books has become a rage on the Facebook. I decided to list it out in a blog why I like them the most?  The list I have made is in the importance of how each of these books changed my way of thinking. Some of these books have been reviewed by me in my blog and hence the hyperlink has been provided. A book I read becomes my favourite when a few concepts, paragraphs, dialogues, etc. stay in my mind much after I have forgotten most of what I read in it.

1.           Simpleology: The Simple Science of Getting What You Want  by Mark Joyner      

2.      Getting Unstuck by Timothy Butler
3.      Museum of Hoaxes by Alexe Boese
If you think critically or want to develop critical thinking, this book is a must read. It lists many hoaxes played on humanity from time immemorial. It should serve as a warning to the gullible masses but alas even the most literate fall prey to glib talkers.

4.      The Small Bachelor by PG Wodehouse
Who would not like P G Wodehouse and as per the master himself this was one of those books which came out easily. If you want a good laugh read this book, you won’t be disappointed. A domineering wife Mrs Waddington; a hen pecked husband H Sigsbee; George Finch; the know all Hamilton Bleamish; the butler & his girlfriend. There is not one page of the book which does not contain a laugh out loud moment. Officer Garroway is the star attraction for me in this book.

5.      Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Catch 22 is for me more a representative of what happens in our offices day to day. The politics, nepotism and favoritism of work places are liberally spread over this book as liberally as snow on the Himalayas during winter. Read this and you will be looking for a copy of this book.
There were three members of the Action Board, the bloated colonel with the big fat moustache, Lieutenant Schheisskopf  and Major  Metcalf, who was trying to develop a steely gaze. As a member of the action board, Lieutenant Schheisskopf was one of the judges who would weigh the merits of the case against Clevinger as presented by the prosecutor. Lieutenant Schheisskopf was also the prosecutor. Clevinger had an officer defending him. The officer defending him was Lieutenant Schheisskopf

6.      The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce
        Given that I love Satire and Sarcasm, this book had to be in my favorite’s list. Written decades ago, the sarcasm in this book is still relevant.

7.      Decline and Fall by Evelyn Waugh
This book is absolutely riveting and mocks the English society. Waugh, another chronicler of the English aristocracy, half a generation younger, shares a lot of turf with Wodehouse, but he worked in a more melancholy vein. Waugh observed the sunset of the English upper classes. For Wodehouse the sun was fixed eternally at noon. (I read this compliment on the web).

8.Top of Form   Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss
Did someone tell you grammar is serious stuff? They said the same thing to me and I believed it till this book came into my life. My grammar has ever since started improving.
9.      Serious Men by Manu Joseph
Do you believe that a lot of serious work takes place in our R&D institutions? Do you believe that there is no cut-throat politics in such institutions? Do you believe Dalits are not discriminated in such institutions? If yes, put aside your bias and read this book written humorously with an open mind written by Manu Joseph who is in the know of things, your opinion will change

10.    The White Tiger by Arvind Adiga
I should not be liking this book but somehow I have read it many a times. It is dark satire with not even a single character with a semblance of positivity. I read this book first in a phase of my life when used to feel that everything was wrong with this world, maybe, that’s why I like this book so much.

Saturday, 23 August 2014

A Few Funny and Sarcastic Status Updates on Facebook

All those who post selfies frequently have a psychological problem
Atleast they reveal it  
Top of Form

They ask you to be the early bird and scorn when you are the first at office canteen or to leave office 
Top of Form

Chetan Bhagat

5 point someone
3 mistakes of my life
Two States
One night at call centre

Releasing next Half Girlfriend

What next... Zero Author? 

Some actors are so short of expression that in a motion picture they look like still photographs.
Top of Form

It is time Indians understood that an ICU ward is not a wedding podium to crowd it.
Top of Form

Bangalore has no place to dump its garbage and Bangaloreans have no place to park their cars
Top of Form

If silence is golden, I have a golden voice while singing because I go silent when asked to sing.
Top of Form

We are a nation who cannot stand in a queue even for buying masala puri.#indianness
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You should see the Tele Shopping Network ads, the interviewers don't even think of being unbiased
There are no permanent friends or enemies in politics as is the case with spots in an office parking lot or urinals.
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Journalists are committed to telling truth.... their version of truth.
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All those couples who got married or will get married on April 1 have a great sense of humour #Aprilfool
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Just like Friday is treated as Weekend, Monday should be treated as warmup day   #mondayblues
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Simple living, high thinking


No thinking, only swiping  
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Females driving a vehicle treat accelerator as their husband/boyfriend, always have the foot on it.
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The Govt. Of India announced cancellation of all bank notes prior to 2005...
Now some people are eyeing a similar announcement for weddings ....
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If you want to commit a scam, commit one which will compel Arnab Goswami to question you on behalf of the nation #nationwantstoknow
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To err is human, to be perfect is plastic
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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat. 
For every male action, there is a female
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Given the state of roads and heavy rains, Bangaloreans have no shortage of ponds to immerse Ganesha idols
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Married life begins after you settle the honeymoon bills not on the date of marriage #marriedlife #honeymoonbills  
A colleague at end of the day, "How was the day?"

Me "Better, unlike yesterday , today there was a wooden plank to sit on the stove " 
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The British practiced divide and rule, now the traffic police is doing the same thing with dividers and lane discipline. That is why we Indians break them religously #India #Indiantraffic #bangaloretraffic
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Sunday, 17 August 2014

A Frustrated Indian's Braytery For Independence Day

Happy Independence Day
About our 5000 year culture let the tributes spray

Sita’s virtue  to our culture is a tribute
Rape, dowry harassment and wife beating are its mute

Sacrifice for others is our heritage.
Ambulance to find their way take an age

Vendors clamour for better government
Unrepentantly they occupy the pavement.

Want a safe country the parents cry
And encourage their underaged kids to drive on the sly

Lack of discipline in others we lament
Queues we respect scant.

Bribe takers are cursed to be lepers
When it comes doing our illegal works, they are our saviours

Railways are pathetic and inhuman we howl
Fare increases and Government gets many a troll

Cleanliness is godliness we tell
Our randomly dumped garbage makes cities a stinking hell

Bravery of our soliders we endlessly rant
When it comes to taking on anti social elements, we pant

This is neither poetry nor ogden nashtry
This is a frustrated Indian’s braytery.

Sunday, 13 July 2014

I, Me and Myself Discuss Stalking Sharapova Online by Sachin Fans.

It is long time since I, Me and Myself made public any of our discussions given that Section 66A is being used more widely than DDT is being used by the municipal authorities. If going to Jail is a torture, a bigger torture would be to endure the words of our CONS a.k.a. Conscience, there also. It would be like sitting near an active volcano with all your woolens on.

However we had a recent conversation about `Sharapova not knowing who Sachin Tendulkar is’ and here are a few excerpts which may not attract the provision of Section 66A of IT Act.

I was as angry about Sharapova not knowing who Sachin Tendulkar is, as a bear would be if its honey pot had been stolen and replaced with a beer bottle. Me, felt that it was not a big deal and Myself as usual was having fun at the cost of the two.
A conversation between the three of us without our consciences ICON, MECON and MYSELFCON is like a jar of pickle without salt.

I started off thundering `What sort of sportsperson Sharapova is if she does not know who Sachin Tendulkar is?’
Me `Is Sharapova a sportsperson or a candidate applying for a clerk job in the Government’
Myself `for that matter she is not even a RJ’
MYSELFCON `thankfully, he did not ask is she an IPL cheerleader?’
Me `the online harassment of Maria shows our country in very poor light’
MECON `It only shows that NRIs are a boorish lot’
ICON AND MYSELFCON in surprise` NRI’s?”
MECON `I mean Net Resident Indians’
Myself `but Sharapova does not seem to care even two hoots about this protests’
MYSELFCON `rather you can say not even two grunts about it’
I `you guys are not understanding seriousness of the issue, how can somebody claim not to know the God of Cricket’
MECON `and how ungrateful she is, it is only because of Sachin’s Tennis Elbow many Indians came to know that Tennis is a sport’
ICON `for that matter this guy itself till then had assumed Tennis to be a cousin of Dennis the menace’

Me `How many countries is cricket played in?’
ICON `Possibly lesser number of countries than in which Sharapova’s grunt is recognised as a note of music’
MECON `or even in lesser number of countries than the number of chicken pieces you can find on a family pizza’
Myself `and definitely not viewed by 1.2 billion Indians as claimed by Ravi Shastri’
MYSELFCON `and he has said that 2.4 billion times’
I `it does not matter who she is, anybody who says he doesn’t know about Sachin or talks ill about our God, we shall talk ill about him or her’
Me `Even the guy who is about to stamp your H1B Visa’
ICON`In that case, he will fold his hands before him, glee and claim that he too does not know Sachin Tendulkar’
I `Whatever it is, the ISIS Movement will continue trolling Sharapova online’
Me and Myself `those guys are busy fighting a bloody war in Iraq, why are they worried about being Sharapova ignorant of Sachin’
I `Insult Sharapova for Ignorance of Sachin Movement and I am leaving for our online meeting to decide the next course of action’
ICON `actually it should have been Insensitive Stupid’s Irritating Sensibility’
Me `Okay one last question, do you know who is Mary Kom?’
I `possibly a badminton player’
ICON `Heavens be praised, he did not understand it to be a marriage website’
Me with a shell shocked expression `you should be made the global head of ISIS, please go ahead’
Myself `Have you deleted Sharapova’s folder from your laptop’
I `that is on a different tangent and these protests are on a different one’

As Me and Myself head home,

ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON begin their song
`They are the online tigers
Rather than question injustice in real life, won’t mind wetting in their knickers’
Obsession with individuals is their forte
Anybody who questions their idol is an algae
Online abuse is their language
Yet they claim to be part of a rich heritage
If you agree you are liked
Else you are mentally retarded.’

About Me

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India