A Compliation of Jokes on Marriage and Wives Nobody Will Laugh At (Part II)

If my love is a lemon, you're the greased dish

Nothing can make a husband sleep immediately

than the words "i want to talk to you"

Husbands are not disappointed with flipkart sale, they are used to it.

A husband trying to make his wife see reason is as impossible as trying to throw a stone into the sky, if anything it comes back, it’s to hit him hard.

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Married men are not cartoons, they are puppets.

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Bachelors have break-ups once a while
Married men don't have broken bones once a while.

The flip side of being a humorist is after a length of time even your typos seem to people as a joke. Guess same thing happens in marriages too, after a few years even a romantic look seems to be an angry stare

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It’s easy to spot a married man at the store alone. He’s the one with a look of terror in his eyes that he’ll pick the glue stick instead of yoghurt.

A real man is one who has complete freedom in his home
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to hide anywhere when his wife is looking for him..

Husbands are much like Wallmart customers, they accept what is dished out to them.

The guy who coined the phrase "and they lived happily thereafter" was never married. .

SMILE after marriage means Simply Making It Look Exciting..

Drone technology should be used very carefully, least some wife uses it to punch her husband having a drink with his friends..

Food in a flight is like sex in marriage, never enough but no other option‪..

Every couple should grandly celebrate their wedding anniversaries, otherwise you know what we do the remaining 364 days..

Practice makes a man perfect

So what about women.
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The guy who said this was a married guy who once asked his wife to improve her cooking and realised the consequences. .

South Indian marriages are as exciting as a slow motion scene which lasts for 2 hours…

All those couples who got married or will get married on April 1 have a great sense of humour.

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A woman on a shopping spree is the biggest oxymoron, it should be shopping evolution.

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My Experiments With New Year Resolutions

I.                   My Resolutions

My resolutions are like the hair dye I apply

Never lasts beyond the seventh day

More resolute than the morning dew

Less certain than the pot of gold at end of the rainbow

Legend of flopped resolutions which inspire dear and near never to have one.

Resolutions, Resolutions, every year, yet to fulfill even one.

Rich wish death got my commitment to resolutions

Poor would do well if their sufferings met the fate of my resolutions.

To watch more TV, eat junk food and to read less

Such a resolution may find salvation.

A clean country and a tolerant society

Not worrying about what I eat or write

To never say might is right or vice-versa

Never part of the new year resolutions of anyone in the country

II.   Fate of my resolutions

Once I resolved no longer road rage

No more the abuses and slur.

The muscular guy who overtook me curtly

Said the four letter word and drew away.

I smiled, it’s okay, I’m not gay.

The next guy showed me his middle finger.

I dismissed the resultant anger

Because it neither impressed me

Nor was in any real danger

Mind you both the times I was following the rule

Impressed with my patience, I was in praise of my attitude

I put the right indicator and took the free left.

A gentleman behind me politely reminded I’m breaking the rule

Then started my string of abuse.

III.           Why I don’t ask others resolution?

I used to poke my nose into others business

I don’t let others to because I have no business

Knowing others New Year resolutions is cool

The urge ended when I was made to look like a fool

When a junior of mine replied `1024 x 768’

Till date, I don’t even ask others what you ate.