When a Husband gives money to his wife, what do we call it??

The title is demeaning. Before feminists friends jump at me, I would like to request them to read this piece of writing till the end. There’s some fun but nothing which is disrespectful of women.

I recently received this whatsapp message and thought it would be fitting to answer it in my own sarcastic way.

ANSWER THIS ONE?:

Money has different names !!! In church it’s called (offering), in school it’s (fee), in marriage it's called (dowry), in divorce (alimony), when u owe someone it’s (debt ), when you pay the government (tax), in court (fines), civil servant retirees (pension) boss to workers (salary), master to subordinates (wages), when you borrow from bank (loan), when you offer after a service (tip), to kidnappers (ransom), illegally received in the name of service (bribe).
The question is "when a Husband gives it to his Wife what do we call it??

Is it a fee?

Yes, a wife thinks that before marriage her husband did not know how to eat, talk, dress, save, and what not. She is the angel who made him a creature acceptable in civilization and hence it is a fee.

Is it alimony?

There goes an old joke; you don’t know the value of your wife until a judge fixes it.

Is it a tax?

It is when you take them for shopping and you also pay tax to the government when they shop. This the most stringent form of double taxation.

Is it a ransom?

Dear Husbands, don’t you pay up a ransom whenever your cylindrical case of skin is at its full glory and wifey is not interested in deflating it.

Is it a fine?

Yes, when you have had the drunken revelries with friends or want to watch that football or cricket match, you do pay a fine.

Is it a bribe?

When you want your parents to stay with you or want to pay for your sibling’s education or even want to treat your relatives at home, better learn to bribe.

Don’t even think of using terms like wages, salary, tip, etc., unless you don’t want to see your wife for a substantial period of time due to eye injury caused by her punches.

Jokes apart, a wife does make her husband. I attribute a lot of my progress to my wonderful wife. I’m able to crack relentless jokes on the relationship between a husband and wife only because I have an understanding wife at home.

If a mother dies leaving behind young children their future usually goes haywire but if a father dies, more often than not, the kids reach pinnacle of success. The mental and physical strength of a woman cannot be matched by a man.

So, is it necessary for me to say that the money paid by a husband to his wife is an offering?

A dreamy girl, a sleazy man, a valentine dinner and the moral police - A satarical short story

This was not what John & Srujana had anticipated when they had come for a dinner on Valentine Day in ` My Favorite’ (MF) restaurant which was in the stronghold city of `Mujhe Bharath Chaman Chaiye’ (MBCC). Both had come to `That City’ on business, John from US of A & Srujana from `Silly Corn City’.

Both worked for the same company. Srujana had an overwhelming crush for John, more overwhelming than the stink of uncleared garbage in her city. John did not mind a few night caps with Srujana but marriage was the last thing on his mind, even after the thought of refraining from dyeing his hopelessly grey 40 summers old hairs. Srujana though, had marriage on her mind. Other than John’s big balance, his sense of humour and great looks proved the secondary and tertiary reasons of Srujana’s burning desire for John.

It is the creative duty of every writer to add more than a few words to fill the pages and in this endeavour it’s his creative freedom to often drift away from the story, even to the extent of not informing the reader what exactly John and Srujana had not anticipated when they came for a quite dinner to `My Favourite’ restaurant. Writers do have self realisation, and yours truly is no exception.

When John and Srujana had come to a dinner on Valentine Day in `MF’ restaurant, they had not anticipated that.  If your patience is wearing thin, I don’t blame you and don’t intend to prolong the non-existent suspense. What they had not anticipated was the insistence by `MBCC’ group that they get married because they were dating on Valentine Day, which was against Indian Culture. The cries of individual freedom and privacy fell on deaf ears of MBCC activists. Earlier this group had vowed that they would marry off any couple found dating on Valentine day. John was forcibly married off to Srujana and the very next day their marriage was also registered. There was no escape and reluctantly though, John accepted Srujana as his wife. Before every happy ending there is an eventful middle (nothing inappropriate should be understood) so said the Chinese scholar or the Persian king or was it the Russian reformer, whoever said it, what matters is, this is the phrase which I intend to use for dwelling upon the past of Srujana.

Srujana was a happy and gay (meant in the sense of the old world) girl. In a country where sixty year olds head youth wings it would not be inappropriate to call Srujana, a thirty year old, as a `girl’. She was as addicted to Mills and Boon, as much as film stars are to gossips about them. She always dreamt of a rich, handsome guy with a sense of humour to marry her. The problem with such sort of guys is either they are taken or are gays (meant in the modern sense).

Srujana was not one who was willing to give up. She had tried out all the dating apps in her smart phone but the experiences had only made her lose faith in humanity. As she found out, most guys registered in a dating website assumed that females register there for the kicks or a `***k’. They would chat to her things which should be said on the bed and during the act. There was this guy, whom she strongly suspected to be a self declared satirist friend of hers, who in a dating website had left a message for her `you look like a potato but a sweet one’. She blocked him but wished to block the ventricles of this guy. I mean she was on the healthier side and had a sense of humour but this was too much.

Then there was this guy who had posted in one of the PMIT groups that he wanted to learn English. Srujana being the ever obliging girl started giving him online lessons and conducting frequent tests. This guy while being on her friend list, befriended a cute pie on her list and later broke up. Weak hearted as he was, the desolate soul returned to his native place, sputtered the word `Srujana’ and went into coma. His parents assumed Srujana to be the culprit girl and ensured that cops landed up at her door steps. It took a lot of explaining by Srujana and a few fund transfers in the conventional mode, for the case to be closed.

This was not the only adverse experience she had; there was one more guy who befriended her on yet another dating site. The obsessed lover that he was, one night at 3 am he called her up and said that if she does not accept him, he will drive off the cliff. That was the last she heard of him and for a few months after that call, even the sight of a traffic cop gave her jitters.

When Mrs. Srujana John reflected on this past of hers, she grimaced as she deleted all the dating apps on her smart phone. Ofcourse, she did not forget to make the fund transfer to MBCC group as well as send a thank you note to the irritating but loveable satirist friend of hers. After all it was his post on FB `Planning to be in a restaurant with a hottie on Valentine Day after intimating MBCC’ which had given her this idea. Needless to say, for this post, the satirist friend of hers got a royal spanking from his wife.