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Wednesday, 2 February 2011

A panel discussion on the problems of the country - satire



There are so many problems in the country and to have a `meaningful' discussion on these, the country's premier news channel `END NOW TV NEWS" decided to conduct a panel discussion on these issues. The channel's motto is "When it comes to corruption, don’t bear it, just bare it". The invited participants were "Person Aligned to Party in Power (PAPI-P)"; Ferocious Lawyer of Opposition Party (FLOOP) and me i.e. CRIB (Coward Ranting Innumerable Blogs). The interviewer was a TRP Journalist (Totally Reputed Political Journalist).

TRP-J "So Mr. PAPI-P, do you have any Idea about what is happening in the country?"
PAPI-P "Why should I get an Idea? That is why, Abhishek Bachan is being paid"
FLOOP "I cannot believe this attitude, is how you talk in a programme connecting people"
TRP-J "Gentleman, Gentleman, don't eat into our revenues. We would not be generating so much of controversy, if there were no Ad breaks. Mr. PAPI-P, do you have any concrete measures to reduce the inflation rate?"
PAPI-P "That’s easy we will replace rice with mobile bill per month; onions with broadband charges and fuel with train booking/cancellation charges and automatically the rate of inflation will come crashing down"
TRP-J "This is too much, I am asking do you have any plans to reduce the price of essential commodities?"
PAPI-P who becomes uncomfortable with the question says `Oh! I see we are not on the same wavelength….understand…wavelength" and winks at FLOOP.
FLOOP "Forget the price rise, let us talk about the scam you have done in allocation of wavelength"
PAPI-P says pointing to me "This CRIB here, has forgotten missed calls only because call rates have become cheap and this has been possible only due to the prices at which wavelength was distributed"
FLOOP "That’s ok but the country has lost a lot of money. In addition, we have also lost a lot of money organizing rallies across the country. However, on the contrary we have stopped fighting amongst ourselves not that we have decided who will lead this fight."
I added in "Mr. FLOOP, thanks to your and TRP-J attacks, I have got a lot of kick in my shadow boxing against corruption by writing blog after blog or else you know even if the earth caves in front of my house, I build a rope bridge across it and walk"
TRP-J "I should also be thankful to Mr. PAPI-P, my revenues have grown by more than 100% in the last three months"
PAPI-P "Won't you guys congratulate me for generating so many advantages?"
FLOOP "Aree Yaar, PAPI-P, you know how close we are. We run the same business, sports and married into each other's families. This is all a part of the game"
TRP-J "Yes, Mr. PAPI-P, you know how helpful we have been to you. You can't forget the RADIAition that exists in our relationship. I, you and FLOOP are just two sides of the same tissue paper. OK, what do you feel about these new breed of SSIs?"

I start getting jittery at suddenly being left out of the equation.

PAPI-P and FLOOP in unison say "These small scale industries are such a pain in the neck. We want big multinational corporations"
TRP-J `Again we have a wavelength problem, I meant to say the Self Appointed Savior of India'
PAPI-P ` He is a PILE, I mean Public Interest Litigant Evergreen. Having said that, I wish to say that my people have decided to price the wavelength at market rates but call rates will increase accordingly'
FLOOP `That’s great news. Now we can protest about how mobile has become unaffordable to the common man and how the mobile companies are making unreasonable profits"
TRP-J "We can also run innumerable programs on this subject and telecom companies would be too willing to advertise in such programs"
PAPI-P "Also TRP-J, the guys down south have agreed to give you an access in their airwaves kingdom"
TRP-J "Really, if they had done it earlier, we may have never made such a big issue of this trivial wavelength matter"
Me "OMG, What have I done to myself? I should have not written so many blogs about the wavelength allocation. The only thing that was affordable to me is also going to become costly. Why did I have to bother if some unknown exchequer lost revenue? To add to that, how much money I wasted voting on all the opinion polls of TRP-J"
TRP-J, PAPI-P and FLOOP laugh together and say "This is the gift for your shadow boxing. Get ready to be squeezed more. "
At the end of everything I am the bakra. I only hope to learn my lessons and stop doing mere shadow boxing on corruption or more better, start writing some Mills and Boons for my blogs.

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India