This story is set in Blunderland, a mid-sized country. It was blessed by nature. A tour around this country meant being exposed to all the weather conditions of its world, viz. Mild weathered cities/villages, rain forests, seashore, and snow-capped peaks. Its appearance was that of an elongated piece of burger. Placed at the entrance of its landlocked continent, Blunderland was blessed with a long seashore. All the other countries in this continent were behind it and entirely relied on Blunder Land for transit and trade. At the end of these countries was a vast and treacherous desert which culminated with the seashore. However, the desert was so harsh that none of the countries used it, though they tried to increase the green cover.
Not that he was a sharpshooter. Supreme King IX shot from near point-blank rank with his victims tied to a pole, yet more often than not missed his target. Yet, Supreme King IX was the only person bestowed with the title `Sharpshooter' in the whole of `Blunder Land'. Others were previously called `Shartpshooter', but it was his father and ancestors. For the first time, SK IX was shooting a target that was neither tied nor had died. SK IX took a deep breath and aimed at the target. People around him, too, took a deep breath, but that was to control their laughter. The target was happily perched in the branch hanging 20 feet away from the statue of SKI, the ancestor of SK IX. In addition to being a bigoted country ruled by a clan of despots, Blunder Land was also a numerology crazy land. Numbers 4 and 8 were abhorred as being unlucky. Even the sum of digits that added to these numbers was considered ominous. Not that Blunder Land was always irrational like this, but it had become the `Paradise of Irrationalism' ever since the Supreme Kings clan started ruling it. Hence, SK IX should have been SK VIII; more correctly, he should have been SK VII because there was neither an SK VIII nor an SK IV in the lineage of succession.
The devil brained SK IX, and his ancestors were a bunch of no-goods adept at hoodwinking people, diverting attention, and promoting divisiveness. They were ruthless and cold-blooded in eliminating rivals. For them, nothing mattered more than occupying the seat of power. Their raison d'être for being in control was devoted to the ruthless crushing of any conspiracy hatched against them. To this end, they did not mind resorting to maiming, defaming, blackmailing, and questioning the commitment of their adversaries to Blunderland. The biggest strength of this clan was to masquerade as sanctimonious in public while being cold-blooded marauders in reality. They did pittance for people's good but used a good part of the kingdom's resources to publicity these isolated welfare acts.
SK IX missed his target with the bullet whizzing past 100 meters away from the bird. It fatally hit a passerby. His sidekicks called the shot a bullseye. Their reasoning was that SKIX shot the passerby due to his divine gift to find the real criminal. The passerby, they contended, was the one who was responsible for criminal behaviour on the part of certain mother birds of Blunder Land. The passerby, in this case, was a seven-year-old boy who was picking up a beautiful feather that had fallen from the body of `Go Bird'
SK IX would have not been called a sharpshooter in any part of the universe. But, Blunderland was full of sycophants and to please the Supreme Kings clan, they wouldn't mind licking an SK descendants boots while bending over backwards. SK IX might have been the most pathetic shooter in his illustrious lineage, but he was cold-blooded to the core. SK Clan had not made Blunderland their fiefdom by being saints, yet, even the bones of his blood-thirsty ancestors would have chilled at the Machiavellian ruthlessness of SK IX. Here was an individual who could smile at you one moment, and without an emotion fell you the next. While inquiring about the welfare of a sick man, he would be visualising the person in his grave. He imagined making fierce love to every female who came in his presence, save his mother, sisters, and grandmothers.
Let's get back to the missed target in the instant case. It is a bird and goes by the common name Go Bird and scientific name Milega Tenga. It is the iconic Bird of Blunderland. X sect of Blunder Land considered the excreta of Go Bird as worth its weight in platinum. It was called the Holy Shit by a few sarcastic radicals. There was another sect called the `Y; in Blunderland. Both X and Y were almost equal in terms of population. For them, the feathers of Go Bird was a collector's item. A panoply of Go Bird's feathers increased the value of an individual or family in their society. However, they did not always seek to hunt Go Bird for its feathers. The feathers of GB came in different shapes and hues. The longest one could be one foot and the shortest one, a few centimetres. When it spread its feathers, it looked like a kaleidoscope of colour. Go Birds started growing feathers as they grew older.
Minor clashes between the X and Y sect over the Go Bird was newer than stupidity, yet it was old enough to become part of the ethos of Blunderland. X sect considered GB as a noble bird. After SK Clan took over Blunder Land, they became ready to kill others for the sake of protecting it. On the other hand, Y thought an old GB was a thing of beauty because its body used to be brimming with feathers when it had grown old.
Blunderland from times immemorial was a democratic society, and regular elections were held, albeit once in 25 years. The Leader who won the elections was called the `Society's Servant'. He enjoyed a lot of privileges, but he had to faithfully serve the people. He could only announce his name, but no canvassing was allowed. For the 25 years, he was elected, the Leader would not belong to any sect. For 25 years, only the citizens were his god. To keep him on tenterhooks, he had to stay in the opposite sect's stronghold; if he belonged to the `X' Sect, he had to stay in a designated home in Y stronghold vice-versa. He had to wear the dress and eat the food of the other sect. He had to marry a woman of the other sect before he assumed office. His children would grow up according to the other sect practices. To ensure long term change in a leader's thinking and help him implement his vision, he was given a term of 25 years. This all changed after the wretched SK clan took over.
Blunderland had a set of robust democratic institutions to oversee the functioning of the Leader. Every city, town, village, and locality had a giant board, where the citizens could write whatever they wanted about the country's functioning, Government's failures, faultlines in the society, etc. A few wrote creative stuff like lampooning the rulers and administration. Some men and women used it to confess their love or say sorry to their loved ones, whom they had disappointed or hurt. The Leader had to visit one board every week, and most leaders used to take special note of the sarcastic rants because they contained the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The Leader had to only attend to the grievances listed on the board. Any attempt to bulldoze dissent was met with an iron hand. A few of the Leader's terms were cut short because they took exception to a citizen's comment. Even if the Leader came to know the person who wrote the most disparaging comments, he could not do anything inimical to the writer's interest.
The second most powerful institution of Blunderland was the `Body of Accountants'. They audited the accounts of the Government, kept track of expenditure, and exposed any wrongdoings. They were no lesser in power than the Leader and openly used to communicate about the Leader's mishandling of public money. Without their clearance, any major work could not be undertaken.
Finally, the most omnipotent institution in Blunderland's democracy were the courts. The Leader had to get his functioning reviewed by them every three years. Nobody knew who the officials of the court were. The courts were distinct from the Leader, whose officials were elected by citizens through a secret ballot. Any citizen in Blunderland could apply to be a court official. No educational qualifications were required except basic literacy. The application was to be made to the Head, Judge. They had to give credentials of their honesty. Blunderland being a mid-sized country, it was easy to verify in case of doubt. Based on a selection by the Head, Judge and Chief Accountant, six candidates were finalised and put up for election. Each candidate was given a number and their respective credentials listed. There was no canvassing for this post too. Two were selected, and they could serve for 10 years. Every 3 years, their functioning used to be reviewed, and the undesirable ones were weeded out. Only if any of them became the Head, Judge, their identity would be revealed. There used to be a total of 15 court officials at any time. The Head Judge had two deputies. All three were equal in rank to Leader of the country. Except, the Head Judge and his deputies, none of the other court officials appeared in public. The trio had their own army to defend them. After completing the term of 10 years, they were silently shipped to another country with a handsome amount of money.
The Leader could take a significant decision only if 80% of the court officials and 90% of the accountants consented. Blunderland was a complex but thriving democracy. At times, the decision making was slow, but it was never against the interest of the citizens. This complexity in decision making on major matters was built in only to ensure that the decisions are not taken in a hurry or unilaterally.
The villains of Blunderland's democracy were the Supreme Kings clan (SK Clan). SK Clan's primary trade was to make money from gambling, create scarcity of goods, indulge in profiteering, import schlock goods and sell them with glossy packages at exorbitant rates. They usually got into trouble with the law-enforcing authorities, and many times, were punished. One of their ancestors decided that he should don the mantle of Blunderland. The best way he concluded was to indulge in counterfactuals, fake news, and bigotry. He considered it wise to exploit the faultlines that existed between the X and Y sect. He knew that with his present image, nobody would believe him, even in their most intoxicated state. So he took hold of his newly married grandson SKI and sent him out of home with money to roam around Blunderland. He was given the entire blueprint on what to do on his return. His young bride raised a lot of hue and cry on her husband being sent out. Starting with a grumble, it was reaching the level of cacophony. One day she went to fetch water and fell off the cliff. Nobody sought an explanation why a lady would climb up a 500 feet high hill to fetch a pail of water when abundant water was available in the plains.
On his return, SKI gave what was recorded in Blunderland history as `The Redemption Speech.' The crowd came eagerly to listen to SKI coming back from his long pilgrimage. However, it was well known that X sectians were not the passionate and angry crowd that the SK Clan wanted to begin implementing their devious designs. Hence, they laced the gathering with paid supporters.
He began his speech with the words `Fathers, and Mothers, Uncles and Aunties, Brothers and Sisters of X Sect'
The applause lasted for minutes before it ended.
He continued, `This holy land owes its existence, growth, and survival to the X sect and our peaceful attitude. We X sectians owe it to the Go Bird.'
This time the applause lasted for hours. This was the sentence that was going to make the difference. To make this such a resounding statement, the X clan had worked in a monstrosities method. They culled countless Go Birds and created a scarcity of `Hard Fruit' for the X Sectians. They then dumped its feathers in places of worship of the Y Sect. They even accused Y Sectians of eating the flesh of Go Bird, when actually the Bird had hardly any meat that could be cooked and eaten. When some intellectuals among the X sect pointed this out, they were labelled as `illegitimate sons and daughters of the Y sect'. People believed in the propaganda. Hence, the applause was the outcome of that seething anger. Trying to stop the applause would lead to calming the volcanic rage. Instead, it was egged on with boisterous sloganeering against the Y sect.
SKI continued, `Today, we are the crossroads. We are here because of Go Bird and the country is thriving only because of us. Does Blunderland matter to the X Sect. Reply me only in Yes or No?'
Everybody echoed in a crescendo, `Yes, Yes, and always yes'. The claques in the crowd were killing it.
Next, he asked, Can we survive without `Hard Fruit'?'
The crowd resounded, `No, No, Never.'
SKI was looking for a maelstrom reply, so he provoked the crowd, and asked `Why not, there are so many things to eat? Your reply suggests that you are not passionate either about Hard Fruit , Go Bird or our mother land .'
His supporters who were laced strategically in the crowd had been well-coached to handle such situations, and they roared in unison.
`Hard Fruit is gifted to us by the Gods of X, through the compassionate Go Bird. We may survive without the Hard Fruit, but we will be like a dead body breathing. Hard Fruit makes us strong, brainy and human. We live for hard fruit and hard fruit grows for us', and they snarled menacingly.
The crowd, not wanting to be counted amongst the dispassionate lot, joined the chorus, and soon it changed into `Hard Fruit is holy, and those who say no will be a dead body.'
SKI was great in voice modulation and changed his tone to sarcastic taunt. He spoke in a low volume, `Can we get hard fruit without Go Bird?'
This time the paid crowd was spontaneous in its response and yelled, `No, food cannot be cooked without fire, day begun without sunrise, and man move without his legs. We cannot get hard fruit without Go Bird'
SKI used one more of his voice modulation skills and queried in an impleading tone
"Does that make Go Bird our mother? If yes, all of you repeat after me Go Bird is our mother, Mother Go Bird."
There was a feather drop silence. A large part of the crowd could not accept a bird as a mother. They were a practical set of people not guided by emotions. SKI felt the ground under him was cracking, and the sky above jeering at him. He thundered, `To improve your lifes, I left my family behind and went around Blunderland. How stupid I was? If you cannot be loyal to Go Bird which feeds the born, the unborn, the growing, the grown, and those who are going down, how will you be loyal to me? Shame on you, no shame on me. I am going, continue leading your listless lifes and remain as slaves of Y sect. You love your freedom besieged and your women assaulted by them' He bowed to the crowd and was about to walk off when the paid props amongst the public went berserk. One started tearing his clothes, the second threatened to slay himself to death after killing others, the third started spitting at the masses, the fourth started calling the crowd all sorts of names. X Sect people were a peaceful lot and appeared perplexed by this display of histrionics. They felt sorry for the men who were doing this to themselves. Some considered chanting the damn slogan so that the rally could get over, and everything ends peacefully. However, they did not realise the bigger plan. In this tense moment, the paid crowd started asserting themselves by chanting, `Go Bird is our mother, Mother Go Bird'.
Stupidity is always infectious, and sanity unfailingly gets drowned. In a trice, the entire crowd repeated, `Go Bird is our mother, Mother Go Bird'. This went on for hours, and the organisers were in no mood to din the sloganeering. SKI knew the crowd was eating out of his hands, and to prove it, he raised his hands, gesturing to stop. Then, in a moment, there was hair drop silence.
SKI was the master at the play of words. He knew how to put an inflammable thought in an individual's mind while sounding helpless or just seeking answers. He unleashed this talent in this part of `Redemption Speech'.
In a helpless tone, he queried, `But there are some people whom you can recognise by their colourful drawing homes, and they hunt `Go Bird' for its feathers. A bird which provides us our food is hunted for its feathers. How long can a feather look beautiful, a couple of years. So these colourful households to keep their households colourful for ever will keep on killing our mother `Go Bird' for ever and ever. Imagine how much of `Hard Fruit' we would have got if all those compassionate angels were not hunted and still alive. None of our people would have gone hungry. There would have been no sickness around, and many of our elders would have been around to guide us. So tell me Fathers, and Mothers, Uncles and Aunties, Brothers and Sisters, how do we save mother bird. I will not guide your opinions as I don't want to provoke anyone. You give me the orders! Orders, please, Orders!'
The people who were by now caught in his cromulent spell of words resounded back, `Those who kill our mother are our enemies, and we kill the murderers of our mother. We will make this land colourful with their blood.'
They again thundered, `Kill the murderer of our mothers'. SKI was exalting them with his hands to go on and on. He was looking less like a leader and more like the ringmaster in a circus.
There was no election for the next 5 years. Over the next 5 years, nothing worthwhile happened in Blunderland. Whatever happened was only macabre and sinister. SKI and his followers slaughtered a countless number of Y sectians. At one time, it was feared that at this rate `Go Bird' population would exceed that of the Y sect. It did not reach that nadir, but the Y Sect population, which before the redemption speech, was at 55%, came down to 35%. Y sectians stopped standing under a tree even for shade. They removed the word feather from their vocabulary. Their homes had no place for feathers because their drawing-room walls were laden with bloodspots or portraits of those who had been slaughtered by X sectians. All the blood for a bird, and all the corpses for food.
Protecting `Go Bird' was made as important as guarding Blunderland. Hunting a `Go Bird' was no less than an act of treason. The only good thing that came out of this cacophony was that you could see many old `Go Birds' perched on a branch with all their colourful feathers.
Y sectians were never trigger happy about hunting `Go Bird'. `Go Bird' was an intelligent bird, and being small, it was nimble. To hunt it down in its prime was as easy as trying to catch a rabbit with bare hands. As it became old, it became the proverbial sitting duck with the attitude of an ostrich. It was also the time when its feathers looked the most beautiful. In fact, in its prime, it looked gawky with strands of feathers. The weight of its feather made it docile. With age, its ability to crack the `Hard Fruit' was equal to human beings, and its shit became the epitome of stink. X sect, too, knew it, but `Go Bird' hunting was a handy subject to join issues with the Y Sect.
The SK clan was the most incompetent, autocratic and bigoted one. After SKI took over, he maliciously decimated one by one of the democratic institutions. The giant board meant for people to express their opinion about the rulers was retained, but its contours were changed. Only one-fifth of the space was left for people to write. Anybody could still write what they wanted, but they had to give their details to the guard before writing on the board. In the previous regimes, this board used to be unguarded. Even if expletives were written on it, the rulers did not try to regulate it. However, the SK clan would have nothing to do with such democratic practices. After a few days of taking over, all the 150 boards started getting littered with expletives on the most obscure topics. This had never happened before, and the citizenry was too stunned. SKI came in public and ranted about how moral values have fallen. In his usual slippery style, he said that many people are angry, disappointed, and sulking at a ruler who cares about the country and the welfare of the X sect. He did not blame anyone but revealed his devious mind. There was another bout of violence over this indicative statement, and a few more members of the Y sect were slaughtered. To maintain peace in society, it was decided to get people to register before writing on the board. Each was given a number; they had to write the number first and later the message. The space for writing was reduced to 20% of the giant board. SKI emphasised that people should know welfare schemes the government was implementing and took the remaining 80% for his publicity. That was the death blow to the Giant Board.
The institution of accountants was decimated by rhetoric and brutality. There was a turbulent river flowing between the administrative capital and commercial capital of Blunderland. During monsoons, people found it perilous to cross the river using precarious bridges. Vehicles had to travel an extra 30 miles to safely cross the river. Hence, there was a need for a bridge for men and material to cross over hassle-free in all weathers. When SKI assumed power, he wanted to build a bridge that was 5 times bigger than what was required and littered with superfluous amenities. Even for its size, the cost was exorbitant and unreasonable. The accountants shot it down. This displeased SKI to no extent. He came out with a plethora of thoughts on how the non-construction of the bridge will affect Blunderland for the next 100 years. He labelled the Accountants as against the interest of the country. At the culmination of his verbal diarrhoea, a mob got instigated to lynch the accountants in a packed meeting. Though it was projected as an emotional outburst, the crowd was fully armed and had many professional weapon handlers in it. The monstrosities violence did not stop with the meeting arena, and continued with the selective killing of previously upright accountants too. After this slaughter, the subsequent accountants were neither appointed through any impartial process nor the ones selected feigned honesty.
After SKI took over, there was a legendary case of a land dispute between the X and Y sect over the ownership of a place of worship. It was decided in favour of the Y sect by the court. SKI was as pleased as a spider when it sees a bug in its web. A rumour was surreptitiously created that the case was decided by three court officials, and two of them belonged to the Y sect. Naturally, these two officials were biased and always wanted to hurt the interests of the X sect. The third official, it was alleged, belonged to the X sect. He was unable to tolerate the humiliation of his sect, and committed suicide with his family. Adding credence to this rumour was, an X sect man who had committed suicide with his family for unknown reasons. This lead to violence, rioting and arson by the X Sectians.
It took the Head, Judge to reveal that all the three officials who decided on the case belonged to the X Sect. In fact, for that term, there were no officials from the Y sect because none had applied. It also came to light that the X sect family that had committed suicide, was due to the sexual torture an X sect priest was giving to the wife. But by then, the existing court process was defamed beyond repair.
SKI decided to pelt his stones when the mangoes were ripe. He appeared in public and made a heart-wrenching speech in his characteristic style, crying a lot and full of rhetorics. He said he was pained by the defamation of the court that had happened recently. Hence, he proposed, henceforth, court officials would be appointed and not secretly elected. He also suggested setting minimum educational qualifications for appointment as a court official. The court cases would be heard in a big building that was to be constructed with all the grandeur. Henceforth, the Court Officials, including the Head, Judge and his deputies, would be protected by the Royal Guards to ensure a unified command structure. His scheming brain had effectively destroyed the impartiality of the courts. However, his supporters called it a `Brainy Knockout'. Ever since, the SK clan's machinations, chicanery, and a calumnious act were eulogised as `Brainy Knockout'. One bootlicker during the reign of SK VII compiled a book of all `Brainy Knockouts' by the SK Clan. It attributed to the clan even many of the brilliant political manoeuvres done by leaders who came before SKI.
The control that SKI took of Blunderland was suffocating democracy, bilious of pluralism, and defying logic. He was unforgiving and ruthless. He had three trusted ministers who were sinister and cruel like him. All others were namesake and those who could pose no danger to his throne. For the first 10 years of his tyranny, his grandfather was his adviser. He imbibed in SKI all the malicious and scheming he had learnt during his wretched existence on Earth. With SKI, the term `leader’ became `king’. All the restrictions applicable to a leader hitherto was done away with. The only thing that remained was the term, and the king could remain a king only for 25 years. SK clan decided that only a member from their immediate family can become a king. Hence, the change of king became a matter of succession. By the time SKI gave up his throne, looking for democracy in Blunderland was as tricky as finding a drop of dew at high noon. SK Clan anointed itself as the only protector of X Sect rights.
Dissent was encouraged, but dissenters often vanished. Finally, the most virulent of the dissenters were banished to the `Island of Poisonous Reptiles’. By the time SKII began his term, the only dissent left in Blunderland was not praising the king enough.
After the death of SKI, his son SKII erected a giant statue of his father. The Statue was made in brass and was about 100 feet in height. It had advanced equipment to ensure that lightning strikes do not result in damage to the Statue. Furthermore, an order was passed that no other building will be built higher than the Statue of SKI. At the time of the erection, the main godman of the X sect said, `the day this statue is besmiriched, this empire’s downfall will begin, and the end will come in no time.’
The Godman was a great believer in democracy and rued the brusque manner in which democracy was ended in Blunderland. Just to throw a spanner in the solemn occasion, he made the above statement. However, the SK clan took it seriously and put all their might behind protecting the Statue. SKI had effectively decimated democracy and dissent. His successors had to only guard his Statue and keep fanning the enmity between the X and Y Sect.
True to their malicious blood, they apotheosised the `Go Bird’ and never let the fire of enmity douse between the two sects. The entire gene of the SK clan took the vexatious statement of the Godman seriously and protected the Statue of SKI with all their might. Every time the SK clan got into trouble, they used to fan the enmity between the two sects or kill a few thousand `Go Birds’ to divert attention. The Statue was well protected by an all-weather weapon proof glass. No citizen could go within 50 meters of the Statue. The edifice was located in an enclave, and before entering into it, the individual used to be thoroughly checked. Only the ruling SK and his immediate family could go beyond the glass enclosure and pay their obeisance.
The biggest threat to the SKI statue was the `Go Bird’, especially the older ones who found it to be a good resting space given its broadness. They had no sympathy for the individual, who was single-handedly responsible for using them, for the rise and growth of his clan. They used to paste his face with their droppings, which was rather liquidy, and when it dried, it became difficult to get rid of. It seemed through frequent excretions on SKI Statue, they were taking revenge on the X sectians for stealing the cracked `Hard Fruit’ meant for them and their young ones. The SK clan invoked the emotions of their sect using the `Go Bird’. Hence, they could not do anything adverse to these birds. They could only see the shit on the Statue of SKI and install powerful pistons from beneath the Statue and above it on the glass panels so that the Statue could be washed regularly to avoid stains. As a result, SKI statute was always wet or damp.
The economy under the SK clan was as stable as the heartbeat of a corpse. It neither dipped nor upped itself. Agriculture was dependent on rains. During the regime of SK III, 4 dams were built, which made cultivating lands a lesser gamble based on the clouds. SK clan boasted of this achievement to the end of the Earth. Hard Fruit was present in abundance throughout Blunderland, as were `Go Birds’. Some ingenious entrepreneurs made processed foodstuff out of `Hard Fruit’ and exported it to the affluent Eastern countries. Even for this business opportunity developing, the SK clan took credit. New business investments hardly came to Blunderland because of a farcical democracy and frequent coldblooded instances of sectarian violence unleashed by the X sect.
Blunderland, as a result of its unique geographical positioning, was the gateway to many countries positioned behind it. Thus, the major industrial nations of the world never spoke anything ill against it. Instead, they always entered into big MoUs with the SK Clan, promising massive investments. Hardly a factor of it materialised, but that was not what the SK clan cared for. The statements made by prominent businessmen of the world was sufficient for the SK clan to create ephemeral happiness for its citizens. As mentioned earlier, Blunderland was the gateway of imports and exports for several countries. They charged octroi for the transit and made lots of money from it. SK Clan took half of it, one-fourth was given to its coterie, and the balance was distributed amongst the public. This kept everyone happy. Neither the citizens nor the rulers bothered that there was no actual economic activity in their country. The possibility of an alternate trade route opening up never dawned on them. The citizens did not care about their rights having been besieged but bothered more about the money they were getting without working for it. The families of those who dissented would be denied of this dole out. For economic security, they had sacrificed their rights as human beings.
During the rule of SKVII, the octroi levels reached obnoxious proportions. The octroi level was always high, and the means to pay it was cumbersome. For the past fifty years, the four countries dependent on Blunderland were busy converting a desert into a semi-green zone, building a road across it to a seashore, and converting it into a port. Not to antagonise Blunderland, they projected the entire project as a part of an afforestation scheme to reduce global warming and improve the climate in their part of the world. SK clan was good at keeping a tab on their citizens and put a lot of effort into it. They were only worried about rebellion from within their kingdom but never imagined the possibility of an outsider pulling the carpet from beneath their feet. Once this road was developed, the four countries stopped using the Blunderland route in toto. These four countries had progressed tremendously because their societies were usually peaceful, barring a few skirmishes between their sects. This meant increased foreign investment, broader mindsets, and a prosperous country.
The loss of the octroi income in one swipe was a catastrophe for Blunderland. Nearly 60% of its stream of revenue was gone in one swipe. The four countries were militarily powerful than Blunderland, and hence SK clan could not afford any adventures. A population that was given an assured income for ages and got used to being lazy suddenly had no income. The dissent started with a whisper, became a grumble, and was about to plunge into a crescendo. Soon the demand for human rights will precipitate. It was not possible to crush such a large scale revolt. The citizens on a large scale had kept quiet for nearly 200 years because their sectarian hatred was provoked, and most importantly, they were paid a fixed income for staying dumb. SK VII assessed the situation before it got out of hand and decided to maintain social peace. He loosened the purses of the clan’s treasury. He knew with fifty per cent of the clan’s treasure, the dole out for the citizens could be handed out for another 100 years. However, being parsimonious was part of the genes of SK Clan, and hence he made it clear to the citizens that only 50% of the allowance will be paid henceforth. As the wily SK VII anticipated, the rising revolution was quelled because people were disgruntled but not enraged enough to go in for an uprising. That being achieved, it was easier to spot the leaders and subject them to the most vicarious punishments. The barbarous methods adopted to punish them neutralised the grumbling amongst the citizens.
Soon the mantle passed on to SK IX, the most intelligent but a slubberdegullion of the highest order. He introduced `Hard Fruit' farming for large scale exports, but that did not substantially increase Blunderland's income. He came to know that there was a huge export market for `Go Bird' feathers. The demand was such that if 75% of the demand was met, the country's income would increase by 100%. This rise of revenue, if wisely managed, he knew will solidify the stranglehold of his clan on Blunderland for another 300 years. SK Clan maintained a repository of their sinister plans and provocative speeches. They knew the meaning of the phrase, history repeats itself. Given the peanut brains of X Sectians, this phrase was their golden rule. When in a tight spot, they always referred to the despicable acts of their ancestors to get out of the sticky situation and apply it accordingly. This evil thought treasure was kept safe and passed on from generation to generation. The present situation of convincing people to agree to kill a bird they revered was monumental, and SKIX was sure of its success. He thought it fit to document this ignominious plan too. After writing it, he handed it over to his favourite wife, the one who had given birth to a Son. There was an interesting story about this lady. She was the descendant of the godman who predicted that the SK Clan will be razed to the ground the day the SKI statue was disfigured.
SKIX was an excellent orator like his ancestor SKI. He convened the meeting of people where only he spoke, and all others listened. He first unveiled a 50 ft statute of Go Bird. Then, he began his speech with the same salutation and tone as SKI began his `Redemption Speech.'
`Fathers, and Mothers, Uncles and Aunties, Brothers and Sisters of X Sect'
The crowd went bonkers. They clapped, danced, and shed buckets of tears. Then, once the reverence paying had whimpered, SK IX spoke again in a melancholic voice.
"Today I stand with a heavy heart. I have come to plead and beg with you for some answers". Saying so, SK IX touched the ground and prostrated before the audience.
The entire audience was filled with human beings with blood, flesh, bones, and even grey matter in their skull melted like a shred of fat on a hot barbeque. `Highness, you command, and demand but don't plead'. They all cried uncontrollably for a while that their king was in such a pitiable condition.
Soon the mantle passed on to SK IX, the most intelligent but a slubberdegullion of the highest order. He introduced `Hard Fruit' farming for large scale exports, but that did not substantially increase Blunderland's income. He came to know that there was a huge export market for `Go Bird' feathers. The demand was such that if 75% of the demand was met, the country's income would increase by 100%. This rise of revenue, if wisely managed, he knew will solidify the stranglehold of his clan on Blunderland for another 300 years. SK Clan maintained a repository of their sinister plans and provocative speeches. They knew the meaning of the phrase, history repeats itself. Given the peanut brains of X Sectians, this phrase was their golden rule. When in a tight spot, they always referred to the despicable acts of their ancestors to get out of the sticky situation and apply it accordingly. This evil thought treasure was kept safe and passed on from generation to generation. The present conundrum of convincing people to agree to kill a bird they revered was monumental, and SKIX was sure of its success. He thought it fit to document this ignominious plan too. After writing it, he handed it over to his favourite wife, the one who had given birth to a son. There was an interesting story about this lady. She was the descendant of the godman who predicted that the SK Clan will be razed to the ground the day the SKI statue was disfigured.
SKIX was an excellent orator like his ancestor SKI. He convened the meeting of people where only he spoke, and all others listened. He first unveiled a 50 ft statute of Go Bird. Then, he began his speech with the same salutation and tone as SKI began his `Redemption Speech.'
`Fathers, and Mothers, Uncles and Aunties, Brothers and Sisters of X Sect'
The crowd went bonkers. They clapped, danced, and shed buckets of tears. Then, once the reverence paying had whimpered, SK IX spoke again in a melancholic voice.
"Today I stand with a heavy heart. I have come to plead and beg with you for some answers". Saying so, SK IX touched the ground and prostrated before the audience.
The entire audience was filled with human beings with blood, flesh, bones, and even grey matter in their skull melted like a shred of fat on a hot barbeque. `Highness, you command, and demand but don't plead'. They all cried uncontrollably for a while that their king was in such a pitiable condition.
The public, as usual, went into a graveyard silence. SKIX knew the importance of paid opinion-makers and had placed them pointedly in the crowd. They spoke as if all the thirty were Siamese twins `The respect of our saviour SKI is most important. We adore Go Bird but if someone is masquerading as our mother bird, we need to kill him.'
SKI added fuel to the fire with his words, `Yes, my dear friends. We are not killing our mother bird but eliminating the enemy hiding in her body. Our motherbird is immortal, she will come back again and again.'
The crowd woke up like a wave and went into a corybantic mood chanting, `Find him, kill him, find him, kill him, find him, kill him. The skies were echoing. Even the wild animals would have loved to close their ears at the invective chorus that was on
SKIX replied, `We have almost identified the bird and on exact confirmation of the culprit, we will kill it in a few months. We don't want to kill even one of our mother bird's wrongly. Therefore, I urge the citizens to keep a watch on the fugitive bird.'
Based on tutoring by the sidekicks in the crowd, the crowd authorised him to kill as many as Go Birds it required to eliminate Mr Plebeian.
As it was wont with the SK clan, a large scale killing of old Go Birds happened. Nobody minded their killing, whereas they continued lynching Y Sectians on rumours of doing the same. Everyone's allowance increased, so nobody questioned what happened to the feathers of the killed birds. Nobody bothered to ask when this killing will stop. Nobody minded knowing how they are going to identify Mr Plebeian. Nobody cared to see how the administration will come to understand that the offending bird has been killed. Nobody care to ask which scientist or astrologer had identified this happening and how. The people did not lose their reverence for their mother bird, but it was only the one offending bird they hated. For the sake of a bird shitting on a statue, they were ready to kill any number of Old Go Birds. It was ironic because many of the birds might have had nourished them. There was nobody to ask on behalf of the Go Birds, much like the Y sect. Y sectians could not ask because they feared for their safety, but Go Birds could not because they did not know what was happening. X Sectians did not mind being fooled. It was a perfect combination of dumb, innocent, and stupid.
Soon SKIX announced there would be a celebration in the kingdom. No reasons were given. It was the norm when an SK King wanted to meet people; no explanations would be given, but not attending would mean treason. It was also stated that a pamphlet would be distributed on the steps taken to eliminate Mr Plebeian. People were fed beyond belief on that day. The best of salads, soup, bread, accompaniments, sweets, and custard was laid out. People were encouraged to eat more and more. People recalled that there had never been such a feast ever since the ascension party of SKI, though none of them present today were born then, and none of them present that day were alive now. By the time the feast was over, people were as agile as a dead body. The lambs were being fed to be slaughtered, but the lambs thought that they were loved. Immediately, SKIX began his speech, and it was carefully made into a lacklustre speech. He stated that `The Island of Poisonous Reptiles' had become a peaceful island thanks to the efforts of his clan. It will be soon made into a prosperous port with the help of capital from the affluent eastern kingdoms.
Once the port begins operations, even informally, the allowances of the people will increase by 50% because of its strategic location. Once it becomes fully operational, the citizen allowances will increase by 500%. This was too much for the people intoxicated with the laced food. They went into euphoria and started thanking SKIX in innovative ways of buffoonery. Nobody heard in the din, but everyone consented to SK IX's proposal for killing old Go Birds so that their feathers could be sold for money to invest in the new port. People, in anticipation of a 500% increase, had bartered their mother bird. The same mother bird for whose welfare they had relinquished democracy. The same mother bird they made bitter foes of Sect Y. Money is indeed dearer than mummy and sweeter than honey.
It looked like the SK clan had reached the invincible stage. The pamphlets highlighting the steps taken by SKIX to eliminate Mr Plebeian. The Godman's clan was as committed to democracy as was SK Clan to making Blunderland their fiefdom. His successors worked with the SK clan in various capacities looking for an opportunity to unseat this clan that represented the extremity of evil. However, they all gained the confidence of the respective SK but never enough to topple the regime. However, a girl from the family had enticed her way to become the wife of SKIX. She had read the plan that SKIX documented. Subsequently, SKIX gave her the speech he made when he sought to get the approval of people to kill the offending Go Bird. When the lady read the plan, she trembled. She never thought this clan could be so much of evil's own child. The plan read as under
Quote
Dearest successor, may this document never find you. We have never seen such parsimonious days in our royalty, but we are passing through such a phase. We have ruled Blunderland for so many centuries invoking the sentiments of an insipid bird. Through our master brains, we gave our sect people rever the shit of this bird more than their food. We all know that the Go Bird becomes useless when it grows old, and it is only then it grows beautiful feathers or else for the better part of its life it is an ugly bird. It is only then the Y sectians hunt it for its beautiful feathers. Thanks to our biased and blind followers, we have made this the reason for hostility between the two sects. Masses are asses, they usually say, and it is true in the case of the X sectians. By converting a bird into the mother of X sectians, we have seized the democracy of this country and frequently made streams out of the blood of Y sectians. It would be best to keep doing it so that our clan can sustain its stranglehold on this country.
As I am writing this lesson, we are strapped for cash and struggling to sustain our royal living. To tide over the situation, I am going to do something outrageous. Given the naive thought process of the sect members, this will be as easy as wading a knife through the air. There is a massive demand for Go Bird Feathers in affluent eastern countries and at exorbitant rates. However, we cannot simply kill these old birds. A bird shitting on a statue is as common as us ravishing a beautiful girl of our kingdom. However, I made a plan that shall be the latest `brainy knockout'. This plan will help me get the X sectians to agree to the large scale slaughter of Go Birds for shitting on the statue of SKI. The deviousness of this plan will make our ancestors exalt with happiness. I will leave behind a copy of the speech I will be making shortly. Please regularly read this document and also the treatise of knowledge left behind by our ancestors. This will ensure that the X sectians will keep their knives on the neck of Y sectians and our foot on the brains of X sectians. It is easier to enslave the minds of idiots by giving a fiery and passionate speech than by doing good constructive work. Good luck to you, and my blessings are always there with you.'
Unquote
She was a sharp and intelligent lady who knew the value of the document. Being a well-read lady, SK IX rated her intelligence highly. He relied on her as a co-conspirator for many plans. Any vital document to be released had to be read by her, and after she clears it, it was to be made public. Nobody could defy her judgement. The wily lady did the unthinkable, and on the previous night, she left along with her children to her mother's home. She rode out of the kingdom unbeknown to SK IX.
The letter that SK IX had written to his successor and wished he would never find the need to read it became the first page of the pamphlet. When the people read it, they became wild. There was a volcano of anger and a public tsunami of destruction. The entire clan of SK was torn apart, the palace ransacked. Some got hold of the previous such documents written by various kings of the SK clan. Their anger grew at the deception they had to endure. Crowd support and fury hath no restraint. They razed the SK kingdom to the ground. Without any destruction to the SKI statute, the kingdom had fallen. The SKI statute was the first to bite the dust.
The day after the destruction, the people started respecting Go Bird more. However, it was pretty evident; the players will change, not the sentiments. They were waiting for one more SK clan who will exploit their feelings for the Go Bird.
