Showing posts from 2016

The Best Contraceptive

School and College fees receipts, more importantly what is paid without receipt should be used as contraceptives. #educationinindia #schoolfees #collegefees. Is it fees or fleece?Black money in India will never end till education, health care and dwelling construction is there.

If You Can Endure A Certain Loud Mouthed Journalist

If you can endure the loud mouthed journalist, self appointed questioner on behalf of the nation and be mentally healthy, the are more chances that you can:-a.  endure super sonic sounds.
b. Make sense of any argument in life.
c. don't require meditation classes
d. skip cardiac tests.
e. find NGC programs humorous
f. find the proverbial needle in a haystack.
g. count stars in the sky.
h. know answer why kitappa killed bahubali.
i. give better advice than Jeeves.
j. understand everything from Nuclear science to rocket launching to economic theories to recipes.
k. understand what is Bermuda triangle.
l. drive on Indian roads without stress.
m. find the real value of π.
n. appreciate music of sound.

Why Home Made Food Is So Good?

Is your nose delicious?
Won't eat what you preach is good Will eat what displeases your mood If you want, eat shoots and roots My taste buds want flesh and bones What you eat doesn't make you any good Demonising food isn't how you please any god. Don't poke your nose into my food If I find it delicious, it may end up as my food.
Home Made Food
For valid reasons, Home made food is healthy For obvious reasons, it is stomach friendly For unnamed reasons, it does not make you bulky All three reasons are one and the same, I know it silly They say child is god and never says a lie At the sight of home-made food, he or she does always cry
Contential, Punjabi or Chinese, a new recipe every time Hazarding a guess what it is, is my predicament every time
Get critical and you will find rice become paste Spice in sambar will make your rectum precipitate
A married man learns it the hard way To say, honey, have to go to office early today When he sees, Kesari Bath coming his way
Home Made Mysore Paks are …

The Problem With Religion

The problem with religion is it does not have reason
The problem with reason is it does not have faith
The problem with faith is it excepts you to be the same every season
The problem with season is, it's never straight
The problem with being straight, religion wants you be only in sex and not in life.
The problem with life is it started before religion
The problem with religion is lack of reason that has made difficult life.

Ecstasy and Gravity, The Two Sides Of Life

Ecstasy v Gravity Life is all about ecstasy and gravity Ecstasy is getting your salary Gravity is EMI taking your last penny No one feels ecstatic, paying service tax for dinning Everyone will feel gravity more, when it’s for valet parking Ecstasy is making fun about religion, society and yourself Gravity is realizing you can joke only about yourself Ecstasy is about a dream of having good days in every aspect Gravity is about realizing good day is a brand of biscuit Settling down in life after all the struggle in life is ecstasy. Marrying to make it better, is the conspiracy of gravity. Ecstasy is marriage doubling your relations Gravity is relations troubling your marriage. Ecstasy is always reaching office on time Gravity is boss never being on time Ecstasy is boy proposing to the girl he desires Gravity is the girl saying `wait till he abdicates’ Ecstasy is a crying kid going to play home Gravity is a weeping parent going to old age home. Ecstasy is when weekend arrives Gravity i…

Global Warming and Traffic Sense

 I’m Hot I’m hot said the sun I replied, a cheeky pun It sighed and said `you skewed nature’ I’ll make you feel a barbecued creature I reasoned `I can’t eat or have fun’ Soon, like Christ, I’ll have to bear a fan. It thundered, you cut the trees, occupied the lakes and chased the birds I’ll make your skin dark, throats quack and bowels crack. I pleaded it was my forefathers It said, natures graves are your homes. When you can inherit their properties Pay for their follies It’s my power play Lets play, I’m hot and you’re my prey
Traffic Sense Traffic Sense What nonsense? They make their road Save thy throat respecting signals is insulting  to their buffalo skin coating Quick passage is their birth right Giving way is your birth right. Making way for ambulance is prude Zigzag driving makes them dude One day with broken bones A miserable few realize traffic rules Are not made for fools Blessed few, being human, powerful After mowing, human handful Get sympathy, bail and not guilty paper

The Horlicks Immunity Indiblogger Meet in Bengaluru on May 8, 2016

A blogger meet. A blogger meet on a Sunday evening on Mother’s Day. A blogger meet on a Sunday evening at Taj Vivanta, the premium five star hotel of Bengaluru. A blogger meet on a Sunday evening at Taj Vivanta organized by Horlicks wherein you’re allowed to bring your kid along. I did not require a better invitation to attend the meet. With my niece Navya in stride, we drove to the meet and were welcomed warmly by the indiblogger team. The new indipass shows how technologically farsighted the indiblogger team is and how technologically handicapped I’m, because I had quite a problem in locating my indipass in my email.                 We were welcomed with juice and beverages. While I decided to have some juice, Navya decided to down a cup of Horlicks, being her favourite drink.                 The meet started with the usual introductions by Zoombie and being Women’s Day the entire session was reserved for ladies. Next was the session by Jill Castle. It was not just a presentation o…

A Bootlicker's Guide To Surviving As A Commentator In Cricket

There were days when cricket commentators could be critical of players, and yet retain their jobs. Times have changed, journalists bootlick politicians. Cricketers, who are practicing politics on the field, and bound to turn to full time politics in the near future, want cricket commentators to follow the journalists. Then there are celebrities who have a bout of patriotism every time there is a cricket match. They don’t voice their opinion on crimes and murders, but passionately waive the flag when BCCI XI wins a match. It has thus become difficult for a commentator to express his views without offending dubious characters of the society. However, a commentator cannot say `well played’ when a batsman gets out. Here is a bootlicker’s guide to narrating mildly the mistakes of our cricketers, and chiding the opposition ones in similar circumstances. If our wicket-keeper misses a simple stumping chance with the batsman stranded half-way down the pitch…. He was expecting the batsman to fo…

A Bouquet From Kodaikanal


Happy Birthday Aamir Khan

Today I attempted waking up 25 times, trying to get up at exact 75°. Then I exhausted my new toothpaste tube trying to squeeze out 5gms of toothpaste exactly. Then I spent 2 litres of petrol trying to start the car with the apt cranking sound. Why was I obsessed with this perfection, then I realised it was Aamir Khan's birthday

A Mistaken Collection Of Funny Poems

What Was A Mistake? It was a mistake to assume At 15, grades meant knowledge. At 20, a good job meant life. At 25, marriage meant bliss. At 30, a pledged home meant asset. At 35, driving a car meant pride At 40 plus, my poetries amuse people
What is a Mistake? Be bothered about the glass than quench your thirst. To say err is human and worry about six sigma To assume grass is greener on the other side, standing in a desert. Get married and accept that it takes two for an argument Queue up for a free offer and say there are no free lunches in the world Reluctantly leave office in the wee hours and claim there is no place like home. Wax about the early bird that catches the prey and claim better late than never  Entrust your future to an orator and understand that empty vessels make more sound To say democracy is by the people and quell & sedate dissent.
Was it a Mistake? My Friends said propose to your girl on the banks of a body of water With a card, words of love and a bunch of flo…

Funny Poetries On `Who Am I"?

They said the theme is `Who am I?’ I thought about it, till my grey cells went dry Inside my soul everything is grey, sleazy and full of greed I said to myself, if I have to say, WTF – What to Fake.  I said to myself, WTF – Why Try and Fail I decided to describe myself, front to hind. I shall exercise discretion So here goes the description Scalp sparsely populated, the few available strands coloured. Inside the scalp near vacuum Eyes which never lie but full of sty Ears which welcome complimentary stuff, to taunts they turn deaf. Face Oily, Nose twiddly and Tongue loves it spicy Neck lengthy, spondylosis its best buddy Spine twisted, never in the presence of boss it is straightened. Heart, full of sleaze, greed, and treachery. Stomach ever ready, to devour a biryani. Here, I shall exercise my discretion Knees which are weak, creak and tweak in motion. Feets which are very fleet, to run across the street, when wife comes to beat.
My inside story is mediocre I’m hollow at the core No six pack to make me a …

A Compilation of Jokes on Marriage and Wives That Nobody Will Laugh (Part III)

After marriage, a girl from being a Miss becomes a Mrs. Boy from Dude to Dud..

You cheat God thousands of times. But God is so kind,
He doesn't punish you everytime.. He just gets you MARRIED.
Marriage, Marriage, the longest surviving mirage.
Nowdays it begins as garden of urge, later becomes a ring of umbrage
Having babies is the default result
Rearing them is the life long effect.
Remaining committed is the vow
Doing so in devil’s paradise is the woe.
Like my relatives and unlike yours is a couple’s mantra
Commenting adversely on them is the agenda
Mutual distrust is what they share
Ego massaging is what they care
Marriage, Marriage, the long surviving mirage
Arranged or love, without emotional bondage
It turns an emotional sacrilege Top of Form . My wife is a strong believer of Vastu Shastra.
Whenever we have a fight,
she lifts any "Vastu" and
uses it as a "Shastra"... Top of Form
. All you need is love and a good fat income to keep the love going.
Girl : Who is more beautiful, me or t…

A Compliation of Jokes on Marriage and Wives Nobody Will Laugh At (Part II)

My Experiments With New Year Resolutions

I.My Resolutions
My resolutions are like the hair dye I apply Never lasts beyond the seventh day
More resolute than the morning dew Less certain than the pot of gold at end of the rainbow
Legend of flopped resolutions which inspire dear and near never to have one.
Resolutions, Resolutions, every year, yet to fulfill even one.
Rich wish death got my commitment to resolutions Poor would do well if their sufferings met the fate of my resolutions.
To watch more TV, eat junk food and to read less Such a resolution may find salvation. A clean country and a tolerant society Not worrying about what I eat or write To never say might is right or vice-versa Never part of the new year resolutions of anyone in the country
II.   Fate of my resolutions
Once I resolved no longer road rage No more the abuses and slur. The muscular guy who overtook me curtly Said the four letter word and drew away. I smiled, it’s okay, I’m not gay.
The next guy showed me his middle finger. I dismissed the resultant anger Because it neither i…

A Compilation of Jokes on Marriage and Wives That Nobody Will Laugh (Part I)

All these Jokes are mine. The very fact that you will laugh at none of them proves it.

Male Spouse is the Mouse.
It's time someone put in their wedding card, all kinds of Dal in quantities of 5 kg or more welcome as a gift Top of Form
Study revealed,that if women keep Maun varat instead of Karva Chauth varat,men surely will have long life.
Top of Form
Home made food is healthy because you can never have too much of it.
A married man should learn to agree, or over his injuries will he have to grieve.
My advice to bachelors
Marriage is not to be feared. Nothing like that, get married only then you will appreciate your parents, teachers, boss, government and even Aliens
Marriages are made in heaven Thanks! for the warning, next time I'll depart from hell Top of Form
Married men fear two things, one their mother in law coming in for a long stay and two, the lady of the house asking for their credit card Top of Form
Married & lived happily forever-hahahaha,that's definitely an oxymoron.