Dummy's guide to staying single (Part II)

Here are the 13 myths you should overcome, if you want to remain single and happy:

1. Behind every successful man there is a woman
2. Face is the index of mind.
3. Marriage shall double my happiness.
4. She comes from a joint family so she will adjust with my parents and siblings.
5. The girl will come as beautifully dressed, be mild mannered and obedient as she appeared on the first day I saw her.
6. My mother likes her
7. The snacks served to me at her home were all made by her.
8. As a colleague, she always helped me in finishing my presentations.
9. The one day she came to my bachelor’s accommodation, she arranged all the mess.
10. As a girl friend, she laughs and smiles even at my failings.
11. My day turns out to be fabulous every time I see her in the morning.
12. With my positive attitude I will prove that the jokes on marriage are just that.
13. She is employed so she will be realistic in her expectations about her husband.

Dummy's guide to staying single (Part I)

Indian Bachelor's who want to stay happy can follow these to stay happy & be. These are 21 important reasons parents give their son's to get them married. If you can master responses to these you can stay single :-

1.       You are getting old, look at your friends they have school going children.

2.       Get married now, only than your children will be well settled by the time you retire.

3.       Get married so that there is somebody to cook for you when you become old.

4.       I am scared of the girls who are your friends on Facebook.

5.       Grandmother or grandfather is serious and would like to see you married before they die.

6.       I have promised your uncle to bring his daughter to this home as daughter in law.

7.       Your uncle has lot of property, all will be lost if somebody else marries his daughter.

8.       Everybody is asking me why your son is not interested in marriage, is he gay?

9.       I want to see my grandchildren before I die.

10.   That month is the best muhurtam you will get in 20 years.

11.   As per your horoscope, if you don’t get married this year, you can’t get married for the next 10 years.

12.   You require a wife to control your erratic behaviour.

13.   They have agreed to make your sister as their daughter in law if you marry their daughter.

14.   Getting married is the law of nature.

15.   Before you go abroad get married, I want a daughter in law only from our caste.

16.   Hotel food is not good for health.

17.   You are a doctor, she is also a doctor, and you both can start a clinic of your own.

18.   Your great grand uncle went bankrupt because he was unmarried.

19.   I have seen this girl, she suits for our family.

20.   You have a good salary, get married.

21.   I am fed up of taking care of the family, kitchen, etc., I want rest.

When the groom's dress went missing! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. ha!ha!

I despise marriage receptions which start half an hour beyond scheduled time, to the extent that I have walked out of such functions in the recent past. I feel that it reflects that the hosts don’t have any respect or regards for their guests because the same set of people don’t have any problem in starting the muhurat on time the very next day even if it is at 3am. Possibly we fear the unknown stars more than respect the known guests.

When I got married all my emphasis was that the reception should start on time. The reception was scheduled to start at around 630pm and almost till 5pm I was personally monitoring the situation. The custom in my place is that the groom’s dress will be given by the bride’s side before the marriage reception. At around 5pm, I went to receive the esteemed dress but found my in-laws blinking at each other. Nobody knew where my dress was and the only person who knew it was my wife and she had gone to the beauty parlour. Those were the days when mobile phones were not popular and it was decided that somebody would go to the beauty parlour to get the required information. Sensing the frown on my face, the informant came back in an iffy only with the news that the dress was kept in my in-laws house. Thankfully, their house was nearby and somebody went to fetch the dress.

He came back at around 6:10pm with the news that he was able to locate only the shirt and the tie. I could not digest that somebody could be so careless and construed it to be a deliberate act to defame me. I got ready to walk out from the hall only to be pacified by a couple of friends. Later it was revealed that since everyone was seeing the dress, with an intention that it should not get soiled, the same was kept under lock and key. When they left for the choultry, they forgot to pick the same or tell anybody about its whereabouts. By the time the dress arrived, whoever from my in-laws house came to pacify me got a very angry piece of my mind. I got very little time to dress up and the reception started with a delay of 20 to 25 minutes.

This is a funny-sour moment from my Marriage. I just can’t believe that anybody could have forgotten their son-in-law’s dress and turned up at the choultry. This thought brings a frown on my face. However, I got a nice stick to beat my wife with for the remaining life brings a smile on my face. Any marriage reception, we go, I pop the question to her “Hope the girl’s side have brought the groom’s dress?”