Horrorscope For Indian Voters

This is the horror-scope for voters for the election season.

Aries (March 21 − April 19) – Due to Saturn following Mars on social media, your impulsive choice vote will deduct Rupees 5 every hour from your account for the next five years.

Taurus (April 20 − May 20) – Due to tussle between Mars and Neptune, you are likely to try to key in your ATM pin into the EVM.

Gemini (May 21 − June 20) – Due to Mars flirting with the Moon, you will listen to your heart and vote for the candidate whom you have all along been ridiculing on social media.

Cancer (June 21 − July 22) – Due to Earth’s conflict with Pluto, your EVM vote will be invalidated.

Leo (July 23 − August 22) – Due to power failure in Neptune, you will find that 1000 people have already cast your vote.

Virgo (August 23 − September 22) – Due to discovery of gold on Moon, Political Parties demand money to allow you to vote.

Libra (September 23 − October 22) – Due to sun feeling ignored by all the planets, your EVM shares with the entire social media which party you have voted for

Scorpio (October 23 − November 21) – Due to Venus coming between Saturn and Jupiter, your non-voting will lead to cancellation of HB1 visa of your nearest family member with intimation to them.

Sagittarius (November 22 − December 21) – Fed up with your indifference to vote, Saturn decides to descend on your holiday plans for the next 30 years.

Capricorn (December 22 − January 19) – Motivated by Saturn, Jupiter decides to put you on yet another MH370 flight

Aquarius (January 20 − February 18) – Due to Venus breaking up with Uranus, the Government sends you a bill of the entire election expenses of your polling booth as a penalty for not voting.

Pisces (February 19 − March 20) -  Due to Jupiter’s continued honeymoon with Venus, you are likely to use the voting day which falls on weekend to go on a vacation with the family and crib on Facebook for the next five years.