Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Horror-Scope For Politicians This Election Season

This is the horror-scope for politicians for this election season.

Aries (March 21 − April 19) – Due to Saturn going on dharna, you will take over the role of Saturn in the life of  many heavweights.

Taurus (April 20 − May 20) – Despite Sun’s weakness and Neptune Holidaying, people will get dehydrated listening to your nauseating speeches in the name of nationalism.

Gemini (May 21 − June 20) – Due to Mercury going on a long leave, till date your silence was getting noticed but  since Mercury is back with a bang you will silently go, unnoticed.

Cancer (June 21 − July 22) – Due to Jupiter’s continued affair with Venus, the election commission considering that you are not willing to retire from active politics, will make your face as the symbol for NOTA.

Leo (July 23 − August 22) – Due to bandh in Neptune, voters will find that the button to vote for you has not been empowered.

Virgo (August 23 − September 22) – Due to pluto losing its identity, your identity will be lost.

Libra (September 23 − October 22) – Due to over discovery of Mars, your voters will compel you to fight for unification of the entire country as a single state.

Scorpio (October 23 − November 21) – Due to stand off  between Earth and Moon, you will speak ill of your own partyman and go to fast in Jantar Mantar.

Sagittarius (November 22 − December 21) – Fed up with stand off between Earth and Moon, Sun goes blank and a slave err candidate of your party instead of falling at your feet will hug you.

Capricorn (December 22 − January 19) – Due to love between Saturn and Pluto, your speech will be taken up for research by a scholar in Mathematics.

Aquarius (January 20 − February 18) – Due to Venus rekindling love with Uranus, your voters will vote for the alliance which you were part of till yesterday

Pisces (February 19 − March 20) – Due to Saturn following Mars on twitter, all your paid social media fans will start commenting adverse about you and your policies.

Voters, Journalists and Political Rally paid attendees wait for your turn next.

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India