Sunday, 13 July 2014

I, Me and Myself Discuss Stalking Sharapova Online by Sachin Fans.

It is long time since I, Me and Myself made public any of our discussions given that Section 66A is being used more widely than DDT is being used by the municipal authorities. If going to Jail is a torture, a bigger torture would be to endure the words of our CONS a.k.a. Conscience, there also. It would be like sitting near an active volcano with all your woolens on.

However we had a recent conversation about `Sharapova not knowing who Sachin Tendulkar is’ and here are a few excerpts which may not attract the provision of Section 66A of IT Act.

I was as angry about Sharapova not knowing who Sachin Tendulkar is, as a bear would be if its honey pot had been stolen and replaced with a beer bottle. Me, felt that it was not a big deal and Myself as usual was having fun at the cost of the two.
A conversation between the three of us without our consciences ICON, MECON and MYSELFCON is like a jar of pickle without salt.

I started off thundering `What sort of sportsperson Sharapova is if she does not know who Sachin Tendulkar is?’
Me `Is Sharapova a sportsperson or a candidate applying for a clerk job in the Government’
Myself `for that matter she is not even a RJ’
MYSELFCON `thankfully, he did not ask is she an IPL cheerleader?’
Me `the online harassment of Maria shows our country in very poor light’
MECON `It only shows that NRIs are a boorish lot’
ICON AND MYSELFCON in surprise` NRI’s?”
MECON `I mean Net Resident Indians’
Myself `but Sharapova does not seem to care even two hoots about this protests’
MYSELFCON `rather you can say not even two grunts about it’
I `you guys are not understanding seriousness of the issue, how can somebody claim not to know the God of Cricket’
MECON `and how ungrateful she is, it is only because of Sachin’s Tennis Elbow many Indians came to know that Tennis is a sport’
ICON `for that matter this guy itself till then had assumed Tennis to be a cousin of Dennis the menace’

Me `How many countries is cricket played in?’
ICON `Possibly lesser number of countries than in which Sharapova’s grunt is recognised as a note of music’
MECON `or even in lesser number of countries than the number of chicken pieces you can find on a family pizza’
Myself `and definitely not viewed by 1.2 billion Indians as claimed by Ravi Shastri’
MYSELFCON `and he has said that 2.4 billion times’
I `it does not matter who she is, anybody who says he doesn’t know about Sachin or talks ill about our God, we shall talk ill about him or her’
Me `Even the guy who is about to stamp your H1B Visa’
ICON`In that case, he will fold his hands before him, glee and claim that he too does not know Sachin Tendulkar’
I `Whatever it is, the ISIS Movement will continue trolling Sharapova online’
Me and Myself `those guys are busy fighting a bloody war in Iraq, why are they worried about being Sharapova ignorant of Sachin’
I `Insult Sharapova for Ignorance of Sachin Movement and I am leaving for our online meeting to decide the next course of action’
ICON `actually it should have been Insensitive Stupid’s Irritating Sensibility’
Me `Okay one last question, do you know who is Mary Kom?’
I `possibly a badminton player’
ICON `Heavens be praised, he did not understand it to be a marriage website’
Me with a shell shocked expression `you should be made the global head of ISIS, please go ahead’
Myself `Have you deleted Sharapova’s folder from your laptop’
I `that is on a different tangent and these protests are on a different one’

As Me and Myself head home,

ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON begin their song
`They are the online tigers
Rather than question injustice in real life, won’t mind wetting in their knickers’
Obsession with individuals is their forte
Anybody who questions their idol is an algae
Online abuse is their language
Yet they claim to be part of a rich heritage
If you agree you are liked
Else you are mentally retarded.’

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Banglaore, Karnataka, India