Tuesday, 2 July 2013

A Suspicious Wife and The Ghost of Sunny Leone

Warning : Contains some inappropriate content. Righteous exit here itself

Velu and Selvi have been married for the past 10 years and are blessed with a 9 year old daughter named Sharanya. There is never a dull moment in their household; either there is bubbling happiness or Selvi’s stereophonic screams coming out of their home. Velu goes mute when Selvi tests out her vocal chords.

Their home, by the way, was a double storied structure. They stayed in the second floor and the other two floors were let out. The main villain in this story is the windowpane of arc shaped window in the hall. During the evenings, It seemed that his window pane has a naughty mind of its own and often created optical illusions to a person coming from outside. If Selvi was kneading batter for poori while watching TV, to the person outside it would look like she was strangulating someone.  If Velu was bending and picking up a glass on the floor to hand it to Selvi, it would look like he was touching her feet. They wanted to change the windowpane but could not get a carpenter to do this small work.

Velu worked somewhere; even I have no idea where he works. The most important thing is he made enough money to pay all his EMIs; pay for his daughter’s education, save money and of course could beat the inflation to eat, dress, commute and pay for Selvi’s mobile recharge.  Selvi was a homemaker. She watched TV, talked on her mobile and when she was bored of both, used to cook. All the other works at home were taken care of by Shantha, the 70 year old housemaid.

Theirs was an arranged marriage. Yes, Velu had agreed for his marriage to be arranged with Selvi, because his father had arranged to donate his property to an old age home, if Velu insisted on marrying Maria who was neither from their caste, religion, language, state or even country. Maria was a French girl.

Velu and Selvi got married and they had a kid within the statutory breeding period permissible for an Indian couple i.e. one year. Selvi was a Typical Tamil Ponnu (girl), she would insist on going to Murugan temple on a cold morning when Velu wanted to make love. You know; when it comes to such things wives always win.

Selvi knew of Velu’s past, in fact he himself had confessed of his relationship with Maria. Velu is one of those perfect MIS husbands. Velu could not keep any secret from his wife and that got him into marital trouble more often than not. Velu would inform his wife even if a good looking female bumped him into him in the office elevator. For the next few days, Selvi would keep looking for lipstick marks/hair strands/perfume fragrance on every portion of his covered body, which can be scanned by the naked eye. Velu despite all his perversions never cheated on his wife. Selvi knew this but always kept him on a tight leash.  However, the only woman whom Selvi could be sure of in Velu’s company was Shantha. Shantha in the past had busted a few husbands who were double timing their wife. She had great regards for Selvi because unlike other ladies in the street she did not wear jeans or bannian (that was what she felt of tops) but was always dressed like a Typical Tamil Ponnu.

It was in this scenario Poonam, a divorcee came to stay next door with her five year old daughter Prerana. Poonam was a fashion model and now an event coordinator. She had all the charm which would make even the most resolute man lose his peace every time he saw her and needless to say about Velu’s reaction, he was in awe of her.

Though Selvi liked Poonam, she was always suspicious of her husband’s intentions. Selvi hated the way Poonam ate any fruit especially a mango. She would wade into it and make sounds similar to Sunny Leone. Yeah, Selvi once in a while checked into Velu’s laptop to see what he was up to and once noticed it had a folder, Sunny’s Best. Presuming, it was about Sunny Gavaskar, the batsman, she opened the folder and needless to say she was not impressed with the skills of this Sunny. She did give Velu a mouthful about what she felt about his tastes. However, that did not deter him from regularly updating that folder.

Poonam thought very high of Velu as a person though she knew that he was a roving eye. After this admiration was expressed to Selvi, she became suspicious of the relationship between Velu and Poonam. She stopped going even to her native place. The best laid plans of mice and men (at times even women) go awry. Selvi’s grandmother who was vibrantly alive unknowingly stomped on a vibrant high tension wire and got electrocuted. Worried about leaving Velu alone with Poonam, Selvi rushed to her native place only when he agreed to accompany her. She also convinced him to stay back till the obsequies ceremony was over.

Within a period of 5 days, fate for the second time played spoilsport with Selvi’s marital security. On the fourth day night, Velu received an urgent call from his office and had to leave for Bangalore. Selvi was desperate to follow him but religious customs prevented her. She could not walk up to her parents and say `I am suspicious of your son-in-law’s relationship with that Chikni Chameli Poonam and can’t leave him alone in Bangalore’. This would cause a huge turmoil in the family which was already saddened by a death. Even before Velu could reach the village bus stop, she started getting images of Poonam romping with him in the bed.

The world seemed to be crashing on Selvi’s head but as they say nothing is impossible for an individual in danger. Remember Archimedes? Selvi knew that Velu had a stomach which was as solid as ice cream at 40 degrees Celsius and a week of hotel food would mean keeping the ice cream in a microwave oven at 250 degree Celsius for a week. The only thing he could cook was to boil water. Shantha cooked for her whenever she was ill. However since her house was far away, she insisted on staying back if she cooked dinner. Selvi had hatched a master plan and wanted to jump for joy but she controlled herself. She called up Shantha and on picking the phone Shantha in Tamil said `medem, I am sorry your grandmother died’

Selvi in a sobbing tone replied `Shantha, there is a bigger problem and only you can help me’

Shantha `aiyoo, why such big words?  Tell me ma, you are like my daughter’

Selvi `my husband is coming back to Bangalore because he has some important office work and you know he cannot eat hotel food. I want you to cook for him breakfast and dinner for a week. I will pay you how much ever you want’

Shantha `that’s all, I will do it but you know when I cook dinner I will stay back at your home’

Selvi gleefully `no problem…no problem… you can… you can’

Shantha `then don’t worry, I will stay at your home and take care of him for a week’

Selvi ended the call feeling as happy as a convict who gets Presidential pardon on the night before he is to be hanged. She knew with Shantha around, Velu and Poonam could not go ahead with their clandestine plans.

When Velu reached home, he was surprised to see Shantha at his door step. When he came to know of Selvi’s deal, he happily agreed and had no problem with Shantha staying back in his home for a week.

Selvi used to call up Shantha everyday just to ensure that her instructions of cooking breakfast and dinner for Velu were being complied with and most importantly the overnight stay. Finally, the obsequies ceremony was over and Selvi happily returned home by the Sunday morning bus. However, she did not inform Velu and wanted to surprise him. The bus reached Bangalore three hours late. They got down on main road and walked towards home. Two hundred yards away, she saw Shantha having tea at a nearby hotel.

Shantha came and voluntarily talked to her and said `Poonam madam had come home an hour back. Both of them were discussing about English movies. I was getting bored so came out’.

Selvi thought in her mind `could it be Sunny Leone movies?’. She asked Shantha `did she come home every night?’

Shantha `No ma, she is so busy, only today she came’

Selvi was definite about what would have happened after Shantha had left. She left Sharnaya in her friend’s house to ask for school notes, so that she does not see any thing ugly and rushed home. From a distance, she could see through the naughty hall windowpane, shadow of a woman bending down and a male shadow standing in front of the female shadow and frequently trying to put his head up and down. Selvi forget about the hazy shadows that the window gave, she could only remember Sunny Leone videos. Much more horrifying was the fact that the main door was open. How shameless both could get, she thought, what would have happened if Shantha came back? She wanted to catch them red handed so she croutched and slowly walked up the stairs. As she got near, she could hear Poonam saying “hmmm… tasty….wow….ahhhhh. I never had anything tasty like this in my life’. She could not take it any longer, took the broom in the balcony and rushed into the open door and the sight she got was shocking.  Prerana was playing on the floor with Sharanya’s dolls, Poonam having a mango in her own style and Velu uncorking a Dettol bottle.

Poonam saw Selvi and jokingly commented `what a sweeping entry’ Selvi embarrassed said `he, he, he you know I always want the house clean. By the by, what are you doing here?’

Poonam `This Dettol bottle was not opening. Velu has such a tight grip, so I thought I will take his help but he too is struggling. Meanwhile he offered me this really tasty mangoes and I was eating them’

Selvi sarcastically asked `will you never slice and have a mango?’

Poonam `No, I have slice only when it is not the mango season’

Selvi and Poonam laughed it off. Velu had understood what was going on in Selvi’s mind and he laughed the loudest.



  1. //When the 'sun' clouds the mind//
    Interesting read, keep writing!!

  2. //When the sun clouds the mind//
    Good one!!

  3. You seem to have seen many Sunny Leone scenes!

    I enjoyed it. But, I can tell you, ghost or not, mirror or not, you have a dirty mind! Or, is it me who has the dirty mind? :)


  4. Very engaging story and the comic timing is spot on

  5. Thank god I cm across ths post f urs.....nice nd funny....humour posts are smethng I dearly love....nd ur stuff here is nice.....especially cold morning love nd murugan temple.....

  6. Thank god I cme across ths post f urs...nice comic stuff..I am a total buff for humour posts...nd ths sure is a great read.....cold morning love nd murugan temple...bang on....

  7. Nice read. Similar to my ponnu


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