Saturday, 4 July 2020

Horror-Scope Predictions In Corona Virus Times By An Atheist (Sarcasm Alert)



The health experts are telling that Coronavirus cases are yet to peak in India. The Government is doing its best to to develop a vaccine by Independence Day to liberate us from this scourge. Meanwhile, people are losing patience with the need to be disciplined to avoid the virus. To awaken and enlighten the public, despite being an Atheist, I have brought out for the `first-time' Corona Virus forecast for various star signs. This is serious stuff, so please give the predictions a go by, and read for the fun of it. This piece has been written with the disingenous of research possible.


Aries (March 21 − April 19) – Aries is self-centred, courageous, and bold, Be self-centred on maintaining social distancing. Don't think it is courageous not to wear a mask, or you have to be brave enough to get treatment for COVID-19 in a government hospital.



Taurus (April 20 − May 20) – The entry of your star sign usually wrecks a China shop, but you be careful of this virus from China. Practise SMS (Social distancing, Mask wearing, and Social Distancing).


Gemini (May 21 − June 20) – Just because your star sign is represented by the immortal twins' Castor and Pollux doesn't mean you too are eternal. COVID-19 can asphyxiate and kill you, so the moment you notice any symptoms, get a test done and get yourself treated.



Cancer (June 21 − July 22) – You rarely mingle with people, so social distancing comes to you naturally. Don't be emotional about wearing a mask.


Leo (July 23 − August 22) – You are a born leader but that in no way permits you to infect a lot of people. If you suspect you have any of the symptoms, call 1075.



Virgo (August 23 − September 22) – You are practical, meticulous and cool-headed. Don't rely on WhatsApp Gyan about COVID-19. Not wearing a mask is not being cool-headed, but it means you are Jughead.



Libra (September 23 − October 22) – You are carefree in nature. If you don't practise SMS, you may become a record in the Registrar of Births and Death LIBRAry.




Scorpio (October 23 − November 21) – People are easily attracted towards you but keep them at 6 feet distance or more. The infection of Novel Coronavirus can be as venomous as the sting of the scorpion.


Sagittarius (November 22 − December 21) – Your star sign symbol is an arrow. Beware of the arrow of droplets sneezed at you by a COVID patient. Practise SMS and protect yourself.



Capricorn (December 22 − January 19)  

Whatever the challenges are, you always remain ready and keep attaining your desired goals. However, when there is a lockdown or your place is declared as a containment zone, respect the orders. Otherwise, you may get COVID-19 or even be booked under NDMA or both.


Aquarius (January 20 − February 18) – Aquarians like to be master of their wills. However, to contain the Corona Virus spread, you have to comply with the restrictions imposed by the Government. Else, find a good lawyer who can defend you under Sections 51 to 60 of the Disaster Management Act and Section 188 of the Indian Penal Code. A piece of free advice, it is cheaper to follow the Government restrictions than pay for a lawyer or be infected with Corona Virus. It is better not to be infected by the Corona Virus as well to fight a case against the Government.



Pisces (February 19 − March 20) – You are passionate about being alone, and sleeping. You are the sort of guy the authorities would be projecting as a role model. Practise SMS at work and public places. When you don't have to go out, pursue your passions


 



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