Sunday, 8 June 2008

IPL's new lingua franca

IPL has created its own lingua franca. Here are some of them:-

Duration (n) - marginally longer than an Indian movie.

Spectators (n) - Not all have come to the stadium to see the match and most importantly everyone does not know cricket.

Viewers (n) - Advertisers spend crazy amounts to catch their eyeball attention for 10 seconds but they prefer to surf channels during ad break.

Pitch (n) - A rectangular piece made of soil but expected to be more flat than a table top.

Batsman (n) - A gladiator whose purpose of existence is to send the ball across or over the boundary as many times as possible.

Bowler (n) - A gladiator who is paid handsomely to get beaten like a henchman in Indian films.

Shot (v) – A verb whose ends justify the means. Simply read as long as you get a boundary does not matter if you executed a late cut over the middle stump.

Umpire (n) - An individual on field whose popularity goes up every time he lifts both the hands vertically upwards.

Score (n) – In India like sensex preferred only when it progresses in geometric progression.

Run rate (n) – A Jurassic age concept which should be replaced with runs per ball which again is respectable only if it is 1.5 runs per ball.

Economy rate (n) – Anything which is less than our inflation figures is preferable.

Boundary (n) – The batsman’s capability to frequently strike it, directly increases his endorsements.

Dot ball (n) – One of the few on-field perks for a bowler.

Maiden (adj) – An on-field event whose occurrence is as rare as a total solar eclipse.

Dull Moments (adv) – Time taken between overs

Average (n) – considered respectable if it is in double digits for batsmen and single digits for bowlers.

Team Loyalty (n): - The match itself is a blind date, so who cares.

Spirit of the game (adj/adv?) – displayed at the end of a game in form of a handshake sometimes through a slapface.

Cheerleaders (n) – what did the poor bar girls do differently to be banned?

Dugout (n) – A bus-stop type shelter where grown-ups wait anxiously like school children in front of an exam hall.

Commentators (n) – rehabilitated cricketers who are paid to dub as talented every guy who can with result swipe the bat/ hurl the ball powerfully.

Sponsors (n) – A set of guys who are desperate to ensure that their name appears on every cricketing gear. Wonders whose logo appears on the most important but least displayed cricket (no prizes for guessing it) . A steel or cement company would be an ideal choice with words “keeping family/ friends (either girl or boy) happy” or “protecting the future” or “ensuring continued home entertainment”.

Owners (n) – Individuals who have invested heavily but not allowed to grunt or grumble when their team performs badly.

Last, but not the least, Lalit Modi (Proper Noun) – Magician. C’mon guys, he should be the Prime Minister of this country. Definitely would come up with an idea how to market petroleum products so that we don’t have to pay every time the rate goes up.

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