Sunday, 18 March 2018

Things I Would Do If I Was A Fascist or A Dictator (Part II)


                I am a great believer in democracy. This piece of writing is just a bad attempt (Part-II) at satire on what I will do if I am a Fascist or a dictator:-

1.            People who use Y, U, C, K, S instead of why, you, see, okay, and yes in their messages should develop similar shortcuts for the entire Oxford dictionary. Those who use hmmm will be asked to decipher all the radio signals received from outer space.

2.            People calling each other as `Bae’ should write 1 lakh times the meaning of Bae.

3.            Those wearing pants below their butt cracks should prove why they need pants in the first place or below the first place, whatever it is.

4.            There will be 2000% GST on all vegetarian preparations prefixed or suffixed with Biryani or Kabbab

5.            Citizens who just read the best selling Indian Author on Amazon, and call themselves `Voracious Readers’ will have to write the synonym for `Farrago’ in 6000 languages of the world.

6.            Companies which put out deodorant ads of women swooning over men who use their deodorants will be required to provide the women, if usage of their product does not result in such situations.

7.            Companies selling dental products will be required to medically justify why dentists appearing in their ads are appearing with a stethoscope.

8.            Those who cannot understand humour just because it does not contain a smiley will be  demojified.

9.            Nobody will be allowed to make their faces look better by using dog filters.

10.          People who wear coat suit in humid conditions will be made to do a trapeze over a furnace in formal clothes.

11.          People who sleep with their smartphones next to them will be asked to charge their phones using their body energy. The charging point will be their convenience.

12.          People who question others nationality will be sent to jungle for conducting DNA tests for the wild animals.

14.         Nobody will question why a serial number is missing and also why the font size of this point is so small, if they do so, they will be forced to write their entire family Aadhar card details on a grain of rice

15.          People displaying western table manners while eating Indian food will be asked to extract sugarcane juice without sugar.

16.          People posting mirror images of taking selfies with their I-phone shall be sent for denarcissification.

17.          People who drink mineral water in a dhabba shall not be given extra pani while having chaat.

18.          People who come in luxury cars and talk about environment will be made to pound hundred kilograms of rice using a hockey stick.

19.  People who talk about security of the country but desist it in shopping malls, airports or their own organisations will be forced to wear a board indicating their salary account login name, and password.

20.          Organisations that have separate rest-rooms for VIPs shall be asked to conduct a test on the nutrient present in the output collected in normal and VIP rooms.

21.          People running on escalators will be asked to manually put back the toothpaste into its tube.

22.          People trying to rush out of a just landed aircraft will next time be made to travel on wings of the plane.

23.          People who expect a gourmet meal in an aircraft will be forced to find humour in Russian literature.

24.          People who comment on the couple or food after attending a marriage will be made to run on the treadmill, till the treadmill breaks down.

25.          Photographers who take snaps of guests having their meals in a wedding hall shall be served meals for rest of their life in a mortuary.

26.          Schools that provide books, uniform, stationery, etc after charging huge fees but not good education shall be compelled to provide free housing for the parents.

27.          TV news shall scroll the message `Our news is based on fiction and bears no resemblance to anyone living or dead’.

28.          People who buy sport shoes but don’t use it will be made to walk backwards while climbing stairs.

29.          Dieticians shall be specifically asked to mention whether, the diets prescribed by them, has to be taken before or after a meal. If they prescribe it as a meal, they will be tried for attempted homicide.

30.          Treatments that don’t make a patient bankrupt shall be treated as a placebo effect, and the entire fees refunded to the patient.

Here is the first part

Part I





4 comments:

  1. People displaying western table manners while eating Indian food will be asked to extract sugarcane juice without sugar.hahaha.... great to read !! will love t read first part also

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mind blowing thoughts....have bookmarked this post.

    ReplyDelete

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