I Me and Myself plan to write a book

I wants to write a book. To discuss this, I, Me and Myself met up and as usual ICON, MECON and MYSELFCON accompanied us.

Me started by asking I `Are you going to write a book? '

MECON `Will he atleast read it when it is published'

ICON `Never mind as such in any book, he does not read more than ten pages each  in the beginning, middle & ending'

Myself `What are you going to write about romance, crime, fiction or satire'

I ` A mix of all'

ICON `A book whose method of publication will be fictitious, pricing will be sleaze, reader will search for the author to commit a crime and fate of the author will be satire'

Me `What will be the title of the book?'

I `Sojourns of a Blogger'

ICON `which can be abbreviated as SOB'

MYSELFCON `which also expands as Stale Obnoxious Book'

Myself `I think you should dedicate the book to the three of us'

MYSELFCON `That is the only way this guy's name will ever appear in a published book'

Me `What is the storyline?'

I `It is about an honest blogger in a corrupt society, who becomes a prominent figure in an anti corruption rally'

MECON `Is the blogger honest only while writing blogs or in his actions also?'

ICON `If he is really honest, at the end, he will commit suicide on knowing the truth about the activists'

Myself `Have you approached any publisher or agent?'

I `Yes, three of them with my synopsis, one asked me to come with a manuscript'

ICON `One offered him a cheque for not writing and another offered him a published book for a cheque'

MECON `That is an indecent proposal'

Me `How will you make the book sell?'

I `Write well, use social media to promote the book, etc'

Me `No create some controversy about the book, like get some group to burn a copy of the book or somebody to tell it is a stolen idea'

ICON `Most buyers of the book will be burning it, so that is taken care off'

MYSELFCON `All said and done this book is an original scrap. Who else can write on such a weird concept?'

MECON `A better idea would be to release a pirated copy of the book even before the original is released'

Myself `How do you intend to price it?'

I `Very nominal, so that everybody can afford it'

ICON `Such a pricing will help him buy many copies on his own to ensure that it is a best seller'

MECON `and also to ensure that when sold they recover some value in the old paper mart'

Me `You never showed us the preface'

I `It is very unconventional and thought provoking. I will mail it to you guys''

ICON `It is written unconventionally because he does not have the knowledge to write classy'

MECON `Usually first time authors say this book is a part of me but in his case it is the only part'

I `Ok guys, we will leave now'

Me and Myself `All the best, we too hope to follow the suit'

As the three depart, ICON, MECON and MYSELFCON sing

I am gonna to write a book

Story which happens in every nook

Classy writing it's going to get a snook

My skills amongst the swans are just a rook

I'll make it a best seller by hook or crook.

Would you mind to have a look?

How Anna Hazare wants the lokpal draft to be accepted by the Government

Times of India, Bangalore vehicles parked in no parking zone

http://youtu.be/vgyOxVx2Cy8

I Me and Myself discuss Diwali, marriages, Ra One and F1

I, Me and Myself recently met up and discussed Diwali, Marriage season, Ra one and F1 race.  As always our consciences, ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON joined us with their barbs.

I began by saying `I had so much fun, lots of marriages, Diwali, Ra One and F1'

Me `Don’t tell me Ra one was fun'

MECON `Ra one was fun, for those who saw only the trailer: p'

I `I don’t want to argue with you guys, Ra One was a spectacular film. It is going to change the way films are made in this country'

ICON `Means henceforth producers will use common sense while making films'

Me `OK, OK let us not fight over a film, how did you guys celebrate Diwali?'

Myself `I, like all other countrymen, celebrated Diwali in a grand way'

MYSELFCON `You mean to say as grand as the guy who earns Rs.32 per day'

I `I have been very busy attending marriages'

Me and Myself `we too'

Me `The best thing I like about marriages is the food'

MECON `ya, where else can the entire family have a grand dinner for a partly gift'

MYSELFCON `Oh that is the reason they always prefer to go to the reception and not the muhurath'

I `I don’t attend any marriage without a personal invitation'

ICON `Indians accept appointment letters, air tickets, lab reports by email but when it comes to marriage invitations … uff.'

Myself `I wonder how those in Tihar would have spent their Diwali'

Me `Obviously waiting for the bail rocket to fly them out of there'

I `Maybe even wishing that the case against them is a defective cracker'

ICON ` If luck deserts you, even a defective cracker can burst on your face'

Myself `They should remove the ban on high decibel crackers during Diwali, after all, what is Diwali without a lot of noise?'

I and Me `We support you'

MYSELFCON `No wonder this group idiolises reports with inflated figures and people claiming inflated bills: D'

ICON `Hollowness is thee salvation'

I `F1 was fantastic, what a proud moment for us!'

Myself `I love F1, I am obsessed with F1 and can't think of anything else except F1'

MYSELFCON `but for the F1 key, these guys cannot work on a computer: d'

ICON `In the toilet of a five star hotel, he was searching for the F1 key because there was no water'

Myself `Let us await the historic moment when Jan Lok Pal Bill is passed '.  

Me `Next year we will celebrate Diwali in a corruption free India, let us go for now'

MECON `Does that mean no more adulterated sweets, harmful crackers and bursting crackers well into midnight during Diwali?'

ICON `Amen'

        All of them leave in a very happy mood and ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON sing in the background

Eldorado, Eldorado we are coming for you Eldorado

Corruption you got to go

Eldorado, Eldorado

Hypocracy we can't let you go

Eldorado, Eldorado

Good wins over evil is what our mythologies show

Eldorado, Eldorado

Killing good for greed is what as a country we do.

Eldorado, Eldorado

On festivals, we indulge in pomp and show

Eldorado, Eldorado

In one house, dustbins with food overflow

Eldorado, Eldorado

In another, there is nothing but hunger to swallow

Eldorado, Eldorado, we are coming for you Eldorado.

Definite Don'ts for Metro Rail users in Bangalore

Metro Rail is going to roll out in Bangalore shortly. It is aptly named as Namma Metro (Our Metro). Given that Bangaloreans are very civil in their behavior, thought I could put out a list of Definite Don'ts in Namma Metro:

1.   You cannot take request stops in Namma Metro, unlike in the bus.
2.   You cannot get in and out of a running metro train. Also, you cannot travel hanging on the footboard.
3.    The trains will stop at each station for maximum of half a minute; hence please don’t block the entrance.
4.    Get off from the train only on the side which the door opens and please don’t bang on the doors to open them
5.    Ticketless travel is not possible in metro rail.
6.    Two wheelers, don’t try to climb on the metro tracks in case of traffic jam, first it is not practically not possible and most importantly, you maybe hit by an oncoming metro train, which cannot deviate from its  track, no matter how much you honk.
7.     There is no need to stop your vehicle when a metro train passes by because the trains don’t have a toilet and most importantly the tracks are concreted.

This list is not exhaustive. Have a happy, civil and safe Namma Metro usage.

I, Me and Myself hail Reality Shows

I, Me and Myself are great fans of reality shows. Some cynics call Anna Hazare's fasts as a reality show, especially due to some emotional acts on stage and also the precise timing at which the fast ended but we don’t mind it, since we believe this reality show can erect err. eradicate corruption in the country.

We were greatly excited by the fact that BIGBOSS has come back. We got together to discuss about reality shows. As it has become a norm, our conscience ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON were also present.

I began by saying `Yuppie, Big Boss is back'

ICON `Once again ogling will be the national pastime'

Myself `How much would I like to be a part of the Big Boss house and prove my worth?'

MYSELFCON ` Unable to tolerate you, either the other contestants will run out of the BIG BOSS house or entire country will come and physically evict you'

ICON `I was just wondering, what would happen if he was the target of Emotional Athyachar team'

Me `It is a pity that Sidhu Paaji is not a part of Big Boss'

MECON `If he was in the house, what will Big Boss talk? :P '

Myself `Why did they choose Sanjay Dutt and Salman Khan as the anchors?'

MYSELFCON `Simple, because they know a thing or two about being in captivity and hence can empathise better with the participants'

ICON `If only some of the Tihar inmates had been on bail, they too would have been roped in as anchors'

MECON `I heard that anyone who refuses Tihar Food, goes back to have its food for a longer duration'

I `I would love to be on Moment of Truth'

ICON `At times you lie to me and get away, So, there is no way a machine can detect your lie, you are a sure winner'

MYSELFCON `Actually, they should put him in a reality show, with Planning Commission officials to survive 100 days at Rs.32 per day. Bet, he will give up within 3 hours'

MECON `Na, The Planning Commission Officials will withdraw within 5 minutes and he will win'

Me `It is sad that Weakest Link never worked out in India'

MECON `That’s because terrorists, from across the border, regularly prove, who the weakest link is? Hence, there is no charm for the audience in such a show'

ICON `If these three had played The Weakest Link, they would voted the Judge as the weakest link  :P'

MYSELFCON `If Poonam Pandey was a contestant, to help her win, they would have declared themselves as the Weakest Link’

Myself `All said and done, there is no reality show more realistic than Fear Factor'

MYSELFCON `Nowadays, whenever a plane lands in our airports, it seems to be a scene from Fear Factor'

ICON `Indian traffic sense has ensured Xtreme sports experience for all the users'

MECON ` and the language used in a traffic scuffle makes Roadies look like a satsang sabha'

I `Critics of reality show say that the results are fixed'

Me `Leave them alone, they would even say that Ramji fixed the fight between Vali and Sugreev. You should call these morons as Cynics not critics'

Myself `They would even say that entire Mahabharata was a reality show and Lord Krishna fixed it by creating an eclipse to kill Jayadratha'

I `Reality shows are the best way to unearth talents, the chicken hearted can stay away from it'

ICON `If that is the case, it would be better to select the Indian Team based on a reality show'

MECON `Better option would be to choose the selectors based on a reality show'

As the three of us left, ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON for once had nothing to say.

I, Me and Myself discuss India V England Cricket Series

I, Me and Myself have never seen a more worse cricket series. Even King Bruce and his spider won’t be proud of the Indian Cricket Team’s effort in England.

We got together to discuss the tour and needless to say our conscience ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON were there and as always they made a lot of barbs in the conversation.

Myself `We hardly looked like the number 1 team in test matches’

MYSELFCON `Is it a coincidence, that Harry Potter, came to an end just before the England series?’

Me `What the hell did the Indian team think they were doing in England? ’

MECON `They were just boring the Englishmen to death for enslaving us for so long’

I ` What did the Indian achieve by playing so pathetically?’

ICON `They saved Poonam Pandey ki izzat’

Me ` I think the Indian players used the ambulance more than the team bus’

MECON `If only every player had gone to the ground with two body guards each, these many injuries would not have taken place’

MYSELFCON `I think Manish Tiwari’s head to toe analogy about Anna Hazare would have been more applicable to the injured Indian Cricket team’

I `We were the Indian lambs in an English summer’

ICON `The Englishmen showed their meanness by slaughtering and feasting on injured lambs’

MECON `Only the inflation rate exceeded the number of our injured cricketers’

ME `Dhoni, should have been more innovative and desperate to retain the number 1 ranking’

MECON `Yes, he should have gone on fast demanding the No.1 ranking’

Myself `We should appreciate Dhoni’s spirit of cricket, even in times of adversity, he called back Bell to bat’

MYSELFCON `If rules permitted, Dhoni would have called back the English team every time they declared’

I ` I don’t understand why Dhoni was subdued on the field?’

ICON `Possibly he too was worried about the increasing fuel prices’

Me `Only Dravid looked like batting for long hours’

MECON ` It is time somebody wrote a song ALL IS WALL’

I `I think IPL is the culprit for our below par performance’

ICON `It is one thing to swing the bat in a 20-20 match and another to play the swinging ball’

MYSELFCON `I think our batsman bat like they tweet, very short’

Myself  ` We did not cross 300 runs even in a single inning’

ICON `We did score more than 300 in the last one day match but that too made no difference’

MYSELFCON `Also true, not even one English batsman scored a triple century against us’

Me `There was no positives to carry for the team to carry from this series as far as batting is concerned’

MECON ` We can carry the positives in alkaline batteries used by the players’

MYSELFCON `You dummy these days they use Ipods and those don’t have alkaline batteries’

ICON `You both are dummies, we never batted long enough throughout the series for a battery to get exhausted’

Myself `They have a better bowling attack’

MYSELFCON `Thank God, they did not play Mr Onions, otherwise we would have cried on the pitch’

Me `Except Praveen Kumar, nobody looked like getting a wicket’

MECON `He got wickets mainly because English batsman got fed up of waiting for his balls to arrive’

ICON `Sreeshanth was well behaved and so were his balls, they never swung’

MECON `I hope you only meant the cricket balls he bowled'

MYSELFCON `Bhajji is not even a half spinner, he bowls right arm, very straight, short and slow’

I `Of all the bowlers, why did Dhoni ask for RP Singh as a replacement’

ICON `Because a friend in need is a friend indeed’

Me ` Why Ashwin never played in the test matches or Varun Aroon in one days? ‘

MECON `Only Wikileaks would know’

Myself `The Indian team was saved by Anna Hazare’

I and Me together `What are you saying?’

Myself `Otherwise, we would have burnt their effigies and written countless acerbic blogs against them’

I `Let us not confuse these jokers with the nation building task that Anna Hazare has taken upon himself’

ICON `The cricket team would like to see this national building task to continue till they return from Australia’

MECON `Kiran Bediji should do one more ghoonghat act lampooning the cricketers’

Myself `I vow that I will never ever see a cricket match again’

MYSELFCON `Yes, till, the butt swinging cheer leaders of Champions League come by’

As the three depart, ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON jointly SCREAM

Cricket maybe your passion

for them it is a profession

for you defeat is a dreaded day

for them it is another day

you get excited seeing them win

they are worried about earning more for their kin

Is the Middle Class Draupadi or Menaka in the corruption drama?

The middle class (including traders), unfailingly portray themselves as Draupadi, when it comes to corruption. Don’t we, many a times, play Menaka in the corruption drama? Our reflex action is to break a rule and bribe when hauled up.

During the Anna Hazare show, a TV channel showed a hilarious video featuring, `a victim of corruption’ who had paid bribe for jumping a traffic signal. This lady had jumped a traffic signal, because nobody was around but was caught by a traffic cop, who was hiding behind a tree and she paid a bribe. Hello, Madam, the cop lost 2-1 to you on the dishonesty count. He took a bribe from you, no doubt, but you broke a traffic rule as well as paid a bribe, instead of a fine. This is Middle Class attitude towards corruption. If they break a rule, that is fine but if they pay a bribe to escape punishment on that account, it is corruption.

Our traders also agitated for a corruption free India.  In reality, they disregard civic, health, weights & measures, labour laws and tax norms but get away due to corruption.  Most traders in our cities consider footpath as an extension of their shop and pay a bribe to ensure continuance of the encroachment. Are they Menaka or Draupadi in the corruption saga?

 All the bloggers ranting for anti-corruption, kindly check if the software in your PC is a legal one. Are we not fueling corruption, when we buy pirated software, DVDs and books? How many of us have built their houses as per the approved plan? Don’t we bribe the municipal inspector who comes for inspection?  Why do we agree to pay/receive in black when we buy or sell a flat? Most parents in a benevolent mood allow their under aged children to drive bikes. When the kid commits an accident, don’t these parents run pillar to post, to ensure that a case is not registered? Are we a Draupadi or Menaka in these cases?

Do we have any idea about the manpower and resultant expenditure that will have to be incurred to have an effective Lokpal? The global average is 1 policeman for every 200 citizens. Even if it is implemented, only for central government servants, who total around 5 million, the strength of Lokpal will be almost 25,000 employees. Will the part time revolutionaries (especially the techies and MBAs) quit their high paying jobs and join Lokpal to ensure integrity at the working level? It is easy to scream `Inquilab Zindabad’ but difficult to be an instrument for change.

There is a demand, for a citizen charter setting time limits, for each work in a Government office. The Government offices, in turn, are going to come up with demands for additional manpower, to meet these schedules. How much of manpower is this going to add to the Government machinery? What about the expenditure on account of increased manpower? Does the civil society have an idea about this?

Adequately staffed government departments have its own perils for the citizens. Just take the case of Bangalore Traffic Police, as against an adequate manpower of 10,000, they have around 2,500. As a result, many of the traffic offences go unnoticed and even if noticed, not penalized. Guess what would happen, if traffic police gets fully staffed. What would happen if the municipal authorities get adequately staffed and adopt a Singaporean model for penalising civic transgressions? Given our penchant for breaking traffic/civic rules, they will become self financing within a year.

Corruption is not a disease in India; it is a way of life. If you want to change the way you live, you must change the way you think. We need smarter solutions, to reduce the need for public, to go to a Government office. Merely adding a few thousand policemen will not get rid of the problem, it will only add to the layers of Bureaucracy.

The Civil Society should demand, for, inclusion of a clause that post Lokpal, the bribe giver should also be punished? Post Lokpal, it becomes our moral obligation, to complain against a demand for bribe, rather than comply with it, even if we are at fault. We should walk the talk, shouldn’t we?

I Me and Myself discuss on Share Market crisis

I, Me and Myself met up recently and during the course of conversation started talking on the stock market. Needless to say our consciences ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON were there.

I is in serious problems because of the stock market meltdown but still swears by the markets. He considers himself an expert investor (actually he is an ECHO-SPURT just repeating what the analysts talk on business channels)

Me is a WINDOW SHOPPING investor, that is, he has not invested even a single pie in the market but keeps on adding shares in the mock portifolio in web sites. Whenever these shares go up, he gets depressed and elated when share value drops. Needless, he is enjoying the market melt down.

Myself is a HARDCORE BJ FAN (BRICKS AND JEWELS). He buys gold and land like a ritual. His land records files are as bulky as the files with the Registrar of Births and Deaths. Needless to say, with the spurt in the prices of Gold, he is as delighted as a monkey in a glass cage with a banana dangling on the other side.

I started off the discussion by saying `I just can’t believe that Standard & Poor have downgraded US economy. It is a bloodbath in markets across world’

ICON `UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS NO DRS IN S&P RATINGS :P’

MECON `NOR S&P WILL BE NAÏVE ENOUGH TO CALL BACK IN THE SPIRIT OF THE MARKET :P :P’

Me `But  analysts say that in a few days shares will be available at rock bottom prices’

ICON `DON’T BELIEVE THAT WINDOW SHOPPER, IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE YOUR BOTTOM ON THE ROCK WHEN IT IS HOT’

MECON `REMEMBER IF IT GOES WRONG, THE ONLY PULL BACK WILL BE FROM BANKS OF YOUR HOME, CAR, ETC’

Myself `Ha, ha, all the global investors are turning to gold, I have lots of them and waiting to be encashed’

MYSELFCON ` TRY ENCASHING THOSE ORNAMENTS, YOUR WIFE WILL ENSURE THAT YOU ARE WAITING TO BE HOSPITALISED’

ME `The mess that the world economy has landed into, don’t know where all the money is going to come from to bail it out?’

MECON ` DON’T WORRY, OUR TEMPLES, ASHRAMS AND TIHAR RESIDENT INDIANS (TRIS) WILL BUY OUT US ECONOMY.’

Myself `Bulls, Bears and now you two asses :p :p’

MYSELFCON `AND YOU A PIG WHICH KEEPS ON HOGGING GOLD AND LAND ‘

I `This global crisis won’t affect our country in a big way, we are well insulated’

ICON `YES, UNLIKE OTHER COUNTRIES WE PERFORM LAKSHMI POOJA EVERY YEAR :P’

ME `The Government should come out with a stimulus package once again’

MECON `IF  ECONOMIES HAVE TO BE REVIVED WITH STIMULUS PACKAGES, WHY PEOPLE RIDICULE THOSE WHO GO IN FOR SILICON IMPLANTS :P?’

Myself `What happened to the fundamentals and what are the charts saying, he, he, none of this applies in BJ, it grows everytime you put it in err invest in it’

I `Cut the crap, some of the bluechip stocks have shown growths in excess of 100%’

MYSELF `In the interim how many times have they dipped and caused you stress, but BJs never make you anxious’

ME `Book Values of most shares are at attractive levels’

MECON `RAMALINGA RAJU HAS ALREADY PROVED THAT MOST TIMES IT IS BOOKED VALUE’

ICON ` AND PROFIT BOOKING IS DONE ONLY BY THOSE WHO KNOW TOMORROW’

Myself `A penny stock becomes bluechip when a bull shits err.. sits on it and a bluechip becomes a midcap when a bear bugs it’

MYSELFCON `AND ORNAMENT GOLD BECOMES A DEATH WARRANT WHEN A GUY COMES BEHIND YOU BRANDISHING A KNIFE’

I `I challenge you Myself, within the next one year I will prove you Shares are the best form of investment’

Myself `Ya and I need not prove that BJ investment is the best thing to do rather than getting mauled by a bull or bear’

As the three depart, ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON sing

BULLS AND BEAR WE ARE THEY SAY

INVESTORS MONEY IS WHAT THEY PREY

AT OUR COST, THEY MAKE HAY

THE FUNDAMENTALS ARE STRONG SAID ONE EXPERT

ANOTHER SAID, CHARTS ARE WAITING TO SPURT

INVEST FOR THE LONG TERM SAID MANY

BOOKING PROFITS OFTEN IS WHAT THEY DID, TO TAKE MY LAST PENNY

HERE WE ARE THE LAMBS

BELIEVING IN MARGINS AND DERATIVES

NOT LISTENING TO THE DISCLAIMERS

ONLY BELIEVING IN THE STOCK TIPS

Cliches from Bollywood of the 70's

http://leadcap.org/

Bollywood of the 70s had its own charm. Movies were firmly moving away from the black and white era towards color films. Eastman color movies; mix of melodious and jarring songs; action films; long lost brother tales; plumpy heroines, etc contributed to the aura of films of those days. Like films of every era, they had their own clichés. The most interesting was certain clichés in films of those days which are carried on till date:

Brothers-in-arms

1. Separated brothers unite courtesy a family song which they remember with lyrics even after ages. (Wah Kya Memory hain!)

2. Long lost brothers never recognised each other till the last reel. (or else how to run the film for 18 reels)

3. It was mandatory for one of the separated brothers to become a cop and another thief. (we love playing police-chor)

Herogiri

4. Hero becomes unrecognizable to the villain once he wears a false beard. (Get your eyes checked Mr. Villain)

5. Hero an honest police inspector resides in a palatial bungalow. (Sab filmi chakar ka kamal)

6. The hero if he was a smuggler never traded in Guns and Drugs to prove his patriotism. (Desh Premi?)

7. The hero’s father was usually a drunkard or a poor school teacher. (Mera Baap aisa hain!)

8. If the Hero was a journalist, he would be honest, sport a beard and live in a disorganized room. (Press guys have not paid me!)

9. The Hero could earn Rs.1 lakh in a year by driving taxi day and night. (Power of hard work!)

10. The bullets in a Hero’s gun never got over. (Fortune favors the favorites!)

11. Before pulling the trigger, the hero would give a sermon to the villain and also tell him the reason for each of the bullets. (Total transparency)

12. The hero driving on a vacant road meant villains surrounding him for a fight. (We don’t create public nuisance)

13. The hero would react only after the third blow and that too after blood spilled out of his tooth. (Khoon ki Keemath!)

Villain ya Bakra.

14. The villain’s garage walls had an entrance to his underground palace.(Wonder how they managed such marvelous constructions without the cops knowing?)

15. The villain would be busy trying to rape the heroine until the hero came and bashed him up. (Basanthi ki izzat ka sawal!)

16. The Villain bullets never got the hero. (Ancestors of the KKR team!)

17. Villains for some strange reason wore dark glasses even during night times.(Suffering from conjunctivitis?)

18. Villains had crocodiles, gas chambers, ferocious dogs, etc to torture the hero’s family in the last scene. (All of it no use, only loss in the end)

19. The main villain always spoke with his back to the camera and showed his face only in the last scene to be caught by the police. (The only suspense in the film!)

20. The villain had an army of goons who love getting beaten up by the Hero. (The usual punching bags!)

Thoda Romani Ho Jaye

21. Twining of flowers meant hero and heroine were lip locking. (Sorry we are Indians, no kissing please!)

22. Hero and Heroine traveling in the same train compartment were bound to fall in love. (How else to time pass!)

23. The film always ended with a clipping from a popular duet. (Meant to say they happily lived ever after)

24. Heroine’s father never approved of his daughter’s love. (Kahani mein twist)

25. Hero and Heroine had to hate each other in their first few scenes. (Hatred leads to love)

26. Usually it was the Hero’s sermon which compelled the Heroine to switch over from Jeans to Saree. (Moral police???)

Ek Chotisi love story

27. The Heroine who is constantly reminded of “THE AMANATH” by her mother would invariably lose it to the Hero on a rainy day in a depilated building. (The Rebel!)

28. After taking her AMANATH and making her pregnant, the hero would die in an accident. (Shankar, Main teri bache ki maa banawali hoon aur tum Shankarji ko pyari hogaye ho!)

29. The Heroine rejected by the Hero family would attempt suicide to be recovered by a Christian priest. (The lost lamb!)

Bonus Cliches

30. Whirlpool over a characters head meant a flashback. (You will jump into one after seeing the flashback!)

31. Anglo Indian ladies wore short skirts; worked as club dancers or stenos and were usually named Lillly, Mary or Rita. (Glamour ke liye)

32. South Indians always started a sentence in Hindi with “Ayio” (Our idea of comedy!)

33. Something wrong was bound to happen after a happy family song. (Life is full of surprises!)

34. The Heroine had become a pickpocket or club dancer only to support aged parents; a blind sister and drunkard brother. (Summit of Sacrifice!)

35. A character diagonised with cancer always wore a shawl. (I don’t want to catch cold, cancer is enough.)

36. The CBI officer always wore a raincoat like suit and smoked a pipe. (La Sherlock Holmes!)

I Me and Myself Drainstrom about Education in India (Part II)

Part I Link

http://balu036.blogspot.com/2011/04/i-me-and-myself-drainstrom-about.html

I, Me and Myself meet up recently to discuss about Primary Education in India today. As always the snipers, ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON also came.

Me started "I can't believe that *** school has added international school to its name. They don’t even have place to park their school bus and they call themselves an international school and on this pretext they have increased their fees by 30%".

MECON "You dummy, they have a website and hence they call themselves an international school"

Myself "In that school, syllabus is completed 2 times in a single year. Xth standard students have to pay a fine even if they are found laughing inside the campus"

MYSELFCON "You should be happy that school management does not use them for construction work"

I "That is ok, what about *** School, admission form is issued only if parents are post graduates"

ICON "Thank god! They don’t insist that both parents should be drawing salary in the highest income tax bracket"

Me "If parents have to teach children at home, why should we send them to school paying such high fees?"

MECON "It is just like that, what practice you get in a driving school is not sufficient for driving safely on the road. Ultimately what practice you get in your car counts"

MYSELF "Education is becoming an absurd business. My daughter's school they insist that we buy uniform, text books, note books and even lunch boxes from the school authorities"

I "What is this lunch boxes also from the school, this cant be true. You did not ask why?"

Myself "I did ask, they say it is to ensure that all children eat the same quantity of food. Ofcourse for asking this question, I had to pay the APE fees, I mean Advice for Parents Enlightenment Fees"

MYSELFCON "Ofcourse, after paying the fees, he was driving and cursing like an ape".

Me "This is nothing in my daughter's school alongwith the fees, we are supposed to deposit into the school bank account FARDt i.e. Fine Amount Reimbursement Deposit, so everytime a student commits an offence, the account will be debited"

MECON "They could have very well called it FART"

I "Just like prepaid mobile, this is prepaid fines"

ICON "It is time that traffic police introduced something like that for you"

Me "There is a plethora of celebrations these days viz., Annual Day, Sports Day, Founders Day, School Day and Bus Day. Worse recently they celebrated Earth Day and asked the children to walk 3 kms from school to the venue. They made them stand in dark for an hour and for that charged a fee of Rs.500/-"

Myself " Be happy that they don't celebrate Farmville Day and ask the students to gift things like sapling, cow, elephant or even a pig"

MYSELFCON "Actually gifting pig would be a great idea, easy to rear and when it does breed, a bounty to share"

I "There is no point in discussing further. Education has become a full fledged business, let us leave."

ICON "Yes boss, that realization of yours is a SPEAKASIA moment of truth"

As the three leave, ICON, MECON AND MYSELFCON sing

ABCEFG, C is your child,
D to E you are Desperate to get them Educated
F with G, Schools are Flushing with Greed
H and I, Hypocracy and Irrationality of parents is their feed
J to K, Judge to Kabadiwala wants his child to study in English.
LM Lots of Money they spend
NOP No options for Parents they say in the end.
QRS The schools quietly rake in stacks of fund.
U and V, Underhand and Vicious methods are part of their blend.
W? Where is the law of the land?
X Y Xtreme corruption in education but nobody does a Jantar Mantar for this Y?
Z People should get the zeal to arrest this disgusting trend.