Nukkad celebrate Barrack Obama's victory

This is only a tribute to the makers of Nukkad, the popular TV Serial which ran during the 80’s. Due to my inability to write in Hindi, I am writing all the dialogues in English.

I will be willing to give the pseudo-copy rights of this episode if somebody can translate it into Hindi. Any inconsistencies please excuse because I have written the dialogues with whatever I remember about these characters.

This is just an imagination of how the election of Barack Obama as Prez of US would have been welcomed in Nukkad

This episode starts off with the theme song “Bade Sehar ke ek gali mein basa hua hai Nukkad”.

Enter Teacherji, Guru gives her the yearning glance and she announces “Listen, Obama has become the President of USA and it is great honor for us because his family still lives in a nukkad like ours”

Dukhiya “What use it is to us?”

Guru “Aree, Dukhiya, what is the use in being you born, Teacherji knows better than all of us, when she says better listen”

Thambi (in a low tone) “Carry on Guru with your efforts”. Teacherji explains briefly about Obama, White House, importance of the election results, etc.

Enter, Radha “Will I get a chance to work at his palace what you call White House?”

Hari “Radha cant you think beyond yourself, tomorrow we will celebrate the success of Obama”

Kadar Bhai “Samosas and Chai sponsored by me”

Khopdi steps in to say “Will I get to drink?”, everybody give him a banning stare and he changes his tone to say” When Obama from Kenya can become a President, why not a President of India from Nukkad?. Everybody gives him an appreciate look.

Ganpat Hawaldar joins in to say “Sometimes Khopdi you make a lot of sense”.

The entire Nukkad starts discussing who could be their Presidential and Vice-Presidential Candidate for the next election, first they propose the name of Guptaji, later decide he would be another John Mcain and decide to propose Teacherji for Prez and Guru for Vice-Prez. They all get busy with preparing for the next day celebrations of Obama victory and the episode ends.

Dont abbreviate KISS

Acronyms have made our lives so convenient. Emails, ATM, etc are used by us subconsciously. Some use acronyms without knowing their expansion and quite often, situations in life throw their own new meanings for existing acronyms.

Disclaimer: Most of the acronyms used here have been received by me through emails/SMS.

I understand that a distant country named Ediot Who-swallowed-it-ya have had its own sub-crime crisis. Any royalty accrued from this blog will be donated towards SCREW (Sub Crime Relief for Ediot Who-swallowed-itya) since the acronyms used here are not my original creation.

ABCD is American Born Confused Desi, what would be A to Z, here it goes, American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat Housed In Jersey Keeps Lotsa Models (what’s that?) Named Omkarnath Patel Quietly Reached Success Through Underhand Vicious Ways Xenophobic Yet Zealous.

Talking of NRI’s, one of the funny expansions is Not Reliable Indian which I don’t find funny because many of them do a good work. However if the depression in West prolongs, it will become Not Required Indians because who would want a NRI without money. NRI could also mean Not Responsible Indians which most of us are given our civic senses. Talking of uninvited guests, when they leave we say in our minds GRBR (Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish)

When our mobile does not connect, we are forced to yell Mera Telephone Nahin Lagtha or our broadband acts like a junkband we feel it is a Very Slow Network Limited.

There is no transparency in our official dealings despite the RTI act, so we could call all the RTI activists as Confused Indian Citizenry (not to be confused with CIC appointed to monitor the RTI Act). RTI Act the way it is being implemented in India would mean Right to Trample Information Act by the implementers.

Television is called as the Idiot Box (not to be wrongly read as IB). The national channel puts up lousy programmes and right called as the DD (read Drowsy Darshan). Usually when people ask me “Are you born and brought up in India?” . I reply by saying “BBC in Bangalore” which means Born Brought-up and Corrupted in Bangalore. On the last count 11,235 people have stopped to talking to me because of this stupid joke.

ICU in ICU would not be the ideal send-off message you would like to give a friend because it would read I Cee U in Intensive Care Unit. Talking of people, we should never become a Vicious Vacillating Insensitive Person. If we complicate our thinking process, we will become a Person In Maximum Problems. So Keep It Simple Stupid.

Implants are the in-thing

The mention of the word implants no longer rings the moral bell in anybody’s ears, that situation was years ago. Implants are the in-thing. If you see at the end of the day, there is nobody free from the need for an implant.

It is a known secret that every female celebrity who want increased ba… err eyeballs has to go in for an implant  .

Given the number of heroes who take off their shirt and what not, there is a distinct possibility that some of them may have had implants.

Recently global economies had an implant in the form of a bailout package.

Indian cricket team for the past decade or so has been having an implant of foreign coaches.

Lyrics writers devoid of ideas have an implant of remixes.

Politicians devoid of issues have an implant of regional/religious passions. They further require an implant of bogus votes to win elections.

Broadcasters devoid of programmes have an implant of reality shows.

Reality shows require implant of controversies to sustain TRPs

Reality show contestants in turn require implant of viewer votes to win.

Laziness within an organisation/country leads to the implant of outsourcing.

News channels have regular implants of breaking news.

Movies devoid of content have an implant of censor cuts, protests, etc.

We have a protruding implant of a hands-free to answer calls.

People with weak hearts have an implant of pacemakers sadly there is nothing for the brains

Our roads have had an implant of plastic waste but sadly there has been no improvement.

Last but not the least, Earth requires an implant of greenery to save it from global warming.

This thread of implant does not end here and will be updated as and when I have an implant of haywire brainwaves.

Good bye to Anil Kumble, a competitor and a true gentleman

Don Bradman could not get a boundary in his last innings and Anil Kumble was hit for a boundary off the last ball of his career. No, I am not comparing the two but when it came to playing the game in the right spirit, Anil Kumble was only a couple of notches below the Don.

Anil Kumble made his debut for India in 1990 and could make a comeback only during the historic South African Tour of India. Blame it on the idiosyncrasies of the Indian selectors, Jumbo never made it to the ill-fated Australian tour of 1991-92. Had Kumble played in that series, being an unknown propotion and the Aussies historic aversion to leg spin, India would have had better memories of that series? This was also the last series of the famous batsman Dilip Vengsarkar whose scores in the series put to shame most of the emergency numbers in India. It was in a test match in SA, that Kumble first took 5 wickets in an innings and after that there was no looking back. The Englishmen on the 1993 tour were flummoxed by Kumble’s spin or the lack of it. This illogical concept of lack of spin in Kumble’s deliveries was held against him throughout his career but it made no difference to him or to any of his 950 plus victims at the international level. What Sehwag is to batting today, Kumble was to bowling those days? No footwork, spin all these don’t count as long as you deliver the goodies.

Anybody who saw Kumble bowl in the Hero Cup final is bound to acknowledge his effectiveness. His record against Sri Lanka may not be much to write home about but then everybody is entitled to their own nemesis. There was no better keeper to Kumble deliveries than Nayan Mongia and no better slip fielder than Dravid and Azhar. According to me, Kumble’s best performance was not the perfect 10 but his performance in Australia in the 2004 Adelaide test. Kumble in his typical gutsy way had put a lid on his critic’s mouths.

Kumble was a decent batsman. Very few will forget his heroics on a Vijayadashmi day alongwith Srinath in winning a one day match in Bangalore against the Aussies. As a testimony to his batting skills, he was tried as a pinch hitter in a couple of one day matches. His best test innings was an 88 against the South Africans in Calcutta, when he alongwith Azhar lent credibility to a dismal score card. Kumble did manage to score a test century at the fag end of his career. Most followers of the game would admit that had Kumble showed a lit more application in his batting, he would have ended up with a couple of more thousand runs. Kumble was a far better test batsman and hardly have I seen him giving his wicket away without a fight.

Kumble was a fighter to the core but more than that a gentleman in spirit and deed. As a player, he was never summoned to the Match Referee’s chambers. Possibly, this unassuming attitude led to him landing up with only a few advertisement campaigns. Kumble did not know how to change his hairdo often; laugh childishly in press conferences; poke fun at seniors and make much ado about nothing. Kumble is no less than Sachin Tendulkar in achievements and stature. The gentleman that he is could not take the constant barbs by a former cricketer who himself took donkey number of matches to make an impact at the international level and was hardly a team man. Kumble has called it a day and it is only a matter of few matches, when we start feeling his vacuum. All good things have to come to an end and so did Kumble’s career. Here is wishing a perfect team man, competitor and a true gentleman a very happy and prosperous retired life. God no longer makes cricketers like Anil Kumble.

Crticial Thinking an introduction by Alec Fisher - opinions

Critical Thinking – an introduction by Alec Fisher

This book is for all those who want to make and evaluate argument in a logical, dispassionate manner. This book aims to dispel the popular noting that “critical thinking” is a negative trait. The book in addition to being lucid in theory contains 220 questions to tackle, understand and appreciate the process of critical thinking. The book has been arranged into 11 chapters and contains an interesting add-on in the form of a glossary.

In the first chapter, the author introduces the flow of the book using the concept of a basketball coach at school level. In the next chapter, the author educates us that conclusion can come anytime during an argument i.e. either at the beginning, middle or ending. The language of reasoning given in the book is worth its weight in gold. The third chapter teaches us the various types of reasoning and how to draw more than one conclusion. The section in which he explains the difference between an argument and explanation is a good enough reason for everyone to read this book. A good understanding of this concept could avoid many disputes in our lives. The fourth chapter deals with understanding reasoning. In most arguments, facts vital to the issue are left out unsaid because they are assumed. This fact has been brought out in a comprehensive way through numerous examples and supporting analysis. A detailed “thinking map” has been presented which contains a list of key questions one should ask while evaluating an argument. The concept of a “thinking map” has been used in almost every succeeding chapter and is very refreshing. The fifth chapter deals with clarifying ideas skillfully. One of the interesting strategies put forward in this chapter is to understand who the audience to whom we are putting forward an argument to? The other day I attended a talk on “global warming” and the nature of audience was layman trying to understanding what the issue is all about. The expert who spoke presented material which would be apt for a research scholar. Within 5 minutes of his speech, 90% of the auditorium was empty (including me).

In the sixth chapter, the reader is explained how to decide whether reasons which are presented in support of a conclusion are acceptable. One of the parameters which impressed me the most is when the author asks the reader not to judge the strength of an argument where expertise in a field is required. I was reminded of a blog I read recently which irrationally questioned the need for “India’s Moon Mission”. The section on “credibility is different from truth” is mind blogging. For me the soul of this book lies in Chapter 7 – Judging the credibility of sources skillfully. If you can master this concept, the chances of anyone selling you a dummy would be greatly reduced. Chapter-8 dealing with evaluating inferences contains heavy theory went above my head. Chapter-9 deals with evaluating inferences and to assist this process, a thinking map has been given. Chapter 10 – reasoning about casual explanations is best understood in its thinking map. Chapter 11 deals with decision making. The section on common flaws in our thinking about decisions and how to weigh up which alternatives is best in the light of the consequences impressed me the most. A glossary is contained at the end of the book and worth having a copy.

The book at places is heavy in theory but then the book is meant for students who want to take up courses in critical thinking. If you can skip some of the theory, it makes a great self-study.

Review of Getting Unstuck: How Dead Ends Become New Paths by Timothy Butler

The Author Dr. Timothy Butler is a Senior Fellow and the Director of Career Development Programs at Harvard Business School.

This book is ideal for all those facing psychological impasse due to personal and professional reasons. This book promises to help you how to recognise the state of psychological impasse and use it as a springboard to real change. The book has been arranged in 3 parts viz., Impasse, Vision and Getting Unstuck. The author contends that impasse is a necessary crisis in everybody’s life to change and grow (I whole heartedly endorse this view based on personal experience). A path breaking definition for Vision has been given in the book. Fig 1.2 which explains the cycle of impasse and vision is a must display on the desktop of all those beyond the mid 30s.

We are all self critics and possibly very good at it. The author has borrowed the concept of “The Accuser” by William Blake, the English Poet to drive home this point (P.I Ch.2). He has given a practical threefold strategy to deal with this problem. The definition of free attention (P.I Ch.3) and the exercise prescribed for it is worth emulating. The One Hundred Jobs Exercise (P.I Ch.4) takes your thinking to new frontiers.

The author starts Part II (Vision) with a theme called “Pattern in the carpet”. Certain recurring themes signal what is vital for us. From these themes we can discern the type of activities, work environments and close relationships that make our lives most satisfying. In the chapter Our Deepest Interests (P.II, Ch. V) he has talked about the Ten Basic Interest and also an exercise to identify an interest or two close to your heart. You don’t have to read the entire book; this one chapter should bring a radical change in the way your life is progressing. Grab this book from anyone who has it just to read this section. In the next chapter he has talked about what to do with weakness? In the subsequent chapter he identifies the central role that the three social needs power, people and achievement play in our life decisions. In the next chapter “Mapping our insights” he has given an exercise how to map our insights

The next Part is Getting Unstuck (Part 3). This is the final step in the cycle of impasse and is about integrating what we have learned so that we can make a decision and take action. He has talked about exploring the poles i.e. we need to go to each pole of tension (read individual areas of interest) and simply focus there intently. He also talks about the methods to implement the images gathered from the poles of tension. The final chapter is “Living at the Border” wherein he talks about how to identify an impasse. The only way according to the author to avoid an impasse is to live completely openly because then we would face each moment without any evasions, excuses or attachments to old habits.

This book is a must read for all those who want to break free in life and explore their true self.

Where are the ladies seat in BMTC buses, RTI query by me

http://leadcap.org/

The Economist Style Guide: 9th Edition

Utility: for anybody who wants to write English in a simple and an effective way.

Objective: The book aims to warn writers of some common mistakes and encourages them to write with clarity and simplicity. The recommendations are derived from the style used each week in writing and editing The Economist.

Arrangement: The Book is divided into 3 parts viz., The essence of style; American and British English and Useful Reference.

Part 1 – Essence of Style (a few eye-catchers represented below)

1. Avoid Metaphors, oratorical flourishes and foreign phrases (esp. Latin they are outdated)

2. Cut out unnecessary words (a separate chapter has been dedicated for this)

3. Avoid using phrases like surprise, surprise; guess what in the middle of a sentence.

4. Avoid beginning too many of your sentences with words like compare, expect, imagine, etc; readers will think they are reading a text book.

5. Avoid using terms like affordable housing (by whom?), these are advertising language.

6. Avoid euphemisms and circumlocutions used by interest group. Mobility impairment means wheel chair bound and underprivileged means poor people.

7. Don’t compare a fraction with a decimal. Eg:- don’t say inflation fell from 12.5% to 12 ¼ %.

8. Use active voice as much as possible

9. Avoid the use of former and later, more often than not it causes confusion.

10. A government, a party and a company always take a singular verb.

11. Countries take a singular verb, even if their names look plural. Eg:- The Philippines has its own Constitution.

12. The section on hyphens is very interesting.

13. Avoid Jargons; words and expressions that are ugly or overused [bottom line, major (unless something nearby is minor)]

14. Pristine means original or former; it does not mean clean.

15. A ship is feminine

16. Same is superfluous. If your sentence contains on the same day that, try on the day that.

17. The section on spelling is educative.

18. Avoid the habit of joining office and name like Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh

19. Avoid use of words like very because they add nothing but length to your prose. No need to say most probably and most especially, it is enough if you say probably and especially. There is no meaning for the word pre-prepared.

20. Which informs, that defines.

Part 2 – American and British English

I did not find it much useful and hence did not take the trouble of reading through it.

Part 3 – Useful Reference

This is a treasure house of information. This parts contains a list of abbreviations, business ratios, calendars, currencies, internet abbreviations, Latin terms, essentials of proofreading.

Had I found this book a decade ago, my writing would have been more refined but it is never too late to make a start. Only complain I have about this book it does not contain an exercise section or a CD wherein we could have refined our skills. That apart, this book is a must for all those who want to improve their written English. An online version of this book is available on The Economist website.

Simpleology: The Simple Science of Getting What You Want by Mark Joyner

More than calling it as a review, I would like to call it as a summary of the book by a student.

Genre

Self Development/ Self- Actualization. Ideal book for those who like to get their work done in a simple way.

Author

Mark Joyner who has previously authored books such as The Irresistible Offer and The Great Formula.

Length

It is ideal for a book of its genre 240 plus pages.

Illustration

Very interestingly done in the form of text boxes and meaningful cartoons.

Language

Simple, hardly requires a dictionary while you read the book. Each paragraph does not contain more than 3 or 4 sentences making it interesting and easy to read.

Arrangement of the Book

The book has been divided into Four Books (Parts)

Book I – The Asylum – deals with why you are stuck where are you are now

Book II – The Invisible Walls – shows how to see and then tear down these invisible walls.

Book III - Disposable Reality – A new operating system for the brain – shows you how to reconstruct disposable walls at will in order to serve your purposes.

Book IV – The simple science of getting what you want.

Concepts which were beyond my understanding

Book II –

Chapter 11 – Runaway Brainware

Chapter 12 - Neural Networking

Book III

Chapter 1 – Logic

Chapter 2 – Science (Again)

Concepts which I don’t agree with

Book III – Chapter III – Influence – at the end the author says that the ultimate method to protect yourself from influence is through skepticism and not allowing rapport to influence your thinking.

Since I have lost in my life whenever I have been skeptic I am not in agreement with this concept.

Concepts which I consider as Lessons of Life

Book II

Chapter 7 – Pseudoscience – Stupidity Training mentioned in a sleek text box wherein he has mentioned that a conversation between a true believer and a true skeptic isn’t much of a conversation. It’s not an exploration of ideas, but a chest pounding shouting match. The author has observed that most of the news debates are of this genre.

Chapter 9 – Focus – Jakow Trachtenberg a mathematician was sent to a concentration camp in Austria during 1938. To take his mind off the imprisonment, he focused his attention inward and played with mathematics in his head. He left the camp after seven years with relatively less psychological scarring and came up with the system of “Speed Math” widely known as the Trachtenberg system. If we could focus on our core competencies in times of an emotional upheaval, how relieved we could be if not come up with path breaking concepts?

Book 4 – Simple.ology

Already listed in lessons of life

The author correctly says that we need to be simple in purpose, method and execution. An inexperienced programmer would write hundreds of lines of code whereas an experienced one would require a couple of lines of code.

Chapter 1 – The First Law – The Law of Straight Lines – Go from Bangalore to Delhi by the shortest route not via Ahmedabad.

The author has illustrated the act of drinking water through the direct method of sipping or just keep it in a glass and start praying “All the forces of nature manifest the water in my mouth”

Chapter 2 – The Law of Clear Vision – You cannot shoot a target which you cannot see clearly

Chapter 3 – The Law of focused attention – focus on the target till you hit it; we focus on what we don’t want, we focus on the wrong target and we focus on diversion like television and entertainment

Chapter 4 – The Law of focused energy

The author has given a very good example of the futility in stabbing a cardboard box with a spoon compared to the easiness of stabbing it with a knife.

Chapter 5 – The inescapability of action/reaction.

Interesting concepts presented in the book

Definition of Insanity in Book I

Definition of Scientist in Book I Chapter 2 (Science)

Book I – Chapter 3 – Influence

Argumentum ad homeim – Its Latin for arguing against the man. All of us do this day in and day out. This logic is valid but has an impact on the listener.

Definition of double bind and the way it has been illustrated is deft.

He has quipped that sanity has little do with how intelligent you are but is more based on a useful understanding of the world.

A mention relevant to India is that language has been used to start wars, riots and all sort of mayhem.

Book II – The Invisible Walls

Definition of what comprises our model of the world in Chapter I (Book II – The Invisible Walls) is definite to strike a chord with most readers. The author has mentioned our model of the world is comprised of not only of what we see, but also of what we hear, feel and think. He has very cleverly used the conversation between two guys in a pub to illustrate the meaning.

The author has brought out the limitations of human memory by using the concept of Magic Number 7 by University of Princeton Psychologist George Miller.

Chapter 2

The author has hilariously used the concept of a bartender who has a belief that “all Arabs are terrorists” and how he beats up an Arab, who actually was asking way to the nearest hospital to take his wife who is in labour pain.

Meanings of jargons such as cognitive dissonance, group think have been brought out in the simplest manner possible.

Chapter 3

The author has enlisted Robert Cialdin’s six distinct weapons of influence viz., reciprocation; commitment and consistency; social proof; liking; authority; and scarcity. A detailed description of 10 simple steps to persuade anyone by Dr. Kevin Hogan has also been given.

Chapter 4

The concept of presupposition and its inherent dangers has been well brought out. The author has also given an illustration how a deft communicator should handle it.

Chapter 5 – Name Calling

Most favorite name calling across the globe “you are either going to agree with me or you are not a patriot”

Write a blog on Secularism, you will find out what it means.  

His statements that Labels are by definition inherently wrong impressed me a lot

Chapter 6 – Faulty Thinking

The tools of faulty thinking according to the book are appeal to ignorance (you can’t prove non-existence of God; so he does exist); appeal to authority (so and so said it); Post hoc ergo propter hoc (Latin: after this therefore because of this); and appeal to emotion.

Chapter 7 – Pseudoscience

This talks about how products of faith are sold under the garb of science. Placebo Effect (where cure is dependent on the user’s faith) and Nocebo Effect (non-cure is due to the non-existence of faith of the user)

Chapter 8 – Disinformation

This chapter is very interesting. It lists the 25 rules of disinformation and 8 traits of a disinformationalist.

Chapter 9 - Focus

Already I have listed it in under “Lessons of Life”

Chapter 10 – Trances

Watching TV is also considered as a hypnotic trance by the Author and this concept is bound to get a nod from all those who read it. The author also rightly says that all of us are under one form of trance or another in every walking moment.

Chapter 11 and 12 – listed in concepts beyond my intelligence

Book III

Disposable Reality

The author lists The Utilitarian Model Flexibility (UMF) as the way to lead life. According to this we change our model of the world in ways that serve whatever your given aims are.

Eg: - You cannot predict the movement of “quantum particles” with Newton’s Law of Motion and Gravity.

Chapter-1 Logic and Chapter-2 Science (again) – I have listed them under concepts beyond my understanding

Chapter 3 - E-Prime (English Prime)

Every blogger would love this chapter.

Dr. Korzybski felt that much of the problem was our inadequate and unhealthy use of the verb to be. E-Prime was an invention of Dr David Bourland. Kenneth Keyes Jr proposed a more practical way also known as The 6 Tools for Thinking. He proposed use of the following terms:

1. So far as I know – instead of saying he is a liar you could say so far as I know he is a liar.

2. Up to a point – You could further refine the above sentence by saying “So far as I know, he is a liar, up to a point”.

3. To me – To me, he is a liar.

4. The What Index – Instead of saying “He is a pig” you can say “When it comes to a party, he is a pig”

5. The When Index – you could further refine the statement “During 2005, he was a pig in the parties”

6. The Where Index – “In 2005 whenever I saw him in a party, he behaved like a pig”

Now only if our politicians and news journalists could learn E-prime

Chapter 4 – Polya

In this chapter, the author has recommended G. Polya’s 4 Step Problem Solving Method viz., Understanding the problem (whether it is a problem at all?); Devising a plan (think of a familiar method of solving the problem) ; Carrying out the plan (check each step); and Looking Back (could you have solved through an alternate method)

Chapter 5 – Rules for UMF

This chapter lists the rules for implementing Utilitarian Model Flexibility (UMF):

1. Thoughts are not things, they are models

2. We have the ability to choose our models (you don’t have to focus on unhappy x but on happy Y)

3. These models can be used as tools (either for you or against you)

4. Utility is the measure of a tools value.

5. Utility is not the same thing as truth (I can think I am handsome which maybe useful to me but that may not be the truth  )

6. No model is absolute

7. No two people share the same model

8. Models are not mutually exclusive

9. Models do not have to be accepted in whole

Book 4 – Simple.ology

Already listed in lessons of life

I consider this book as a must read. It would be great if you could buy it because the concepts explained in this book are relevant across ages. If books are an individual’s best friend, this book is both a friend and philosopher.

Memorable wedding howlers I have been part of

Weddings in India have their own howlers. Not matter how well you plan based on previous experiences; the next wedding will have a unique howler to throw up and usually more ridiculous than the previous one. I guess all these make an Indian wedding so humane and enjoyable. You always have something to recall and jokingly barb your spouse/relative with even ages after the wedding is over. Here are some of the most memorable ones I have been through with:

My brother’s wedding – Where is the sacred pole?

One of the custom in Tamil weddings is to erect a pole on the night before the wedding and it is called “Arsan Kal” (can’t exactly write it in English). For some reason my aunts forgot about it, till early morning of the wedding. I had gone home the previous night and came at around 4 am to the choultry hall and was put on a frenetic mission to get one. Luckily, the choultry was near to the famous “Bamboo Bazaar” of Shivajinagar area, Bangalore. I went on my moped to find all the shops closed. There was only one tea shop open and I explained the situation to the shopkeeper, who demanded Rs.100 for one bamboo stick. Desperate as I was, I gave the amount to him and the formal hoisting was done.

This I had kept in mind and tried to avoid it in my marriage but there my reception dress went missing which I have already narrated in this blog of mine.



My cousin’s wedding – Where is the thalli?

This was a wonderful howler. This guy had an intercaste marriage. The wedding was performed according to both Konkani and Tamil customs. It was decided that a “Tamil Thalli” would be tied. Don’t ask me what is a Tamil Thalli? I myself don’t know the difference between a Konkani Thalli and a Tamil Thalli. Since the wedding was organised by the girl side, the rituals started in the noon as per their custom. As per Tamil custom, you have to bring the thalli directly to the choultry. In this case the thalli was not yet ready and hence it was decided that the goldsmith would bring it the next day to the choultry. Next day being an auto strike, the goldsmith (GS) had to come by bus. When I called up his residence, his wife told he had left home at around 830am but it was almost 1030am and he had not reached the choultry. The tension was building up. I and another relative of mine were assigned the responsibility of guiding the GS from bus stop to the choultry. I was virtually looking into every bus which was stopping by. The muhurtham was at 12:15 and there was no sight of the GS even at 1145am; it was decided that there is no point in waiting for the GS and we went to a nearby jewellery shop searching for a “Tamil Thalli”. Thankfully, we got one and came rushing to the choultry, only to find that the GS entering into the choultry at the same time as us. Finally, the thalli made by the GS was made the official one and the other one was exchanged for a ring.

My brother-in-law’s wedding – Who will serve the food?

Wiser from the previous experiences, I had made a checklist of all the possible howlers. Everything was ensured the arsan kal, groom’s dress, thalli, etc, etc. The reception was on a Sunday and after Rahukalam it was scheduled to start at 630pm. At 615pm, the cook called us, aside and said “Sir, people who were meant to serve the food have let me down, you have to arrange yourselves”. Mind you this guy was known to my in-laws for many years. There was no time to react; the guests had arrived in large numbers. We could not arrange anybody at that time and hence a decision was taken that we ourselves would serve the food. All the plans of celebration, dance and most importantly the dressing had gone for a toss. We were not used to serving so many people and did a truly amateurish job. The order of service and quantity for each guest was haphazard; some of the dishes were not served for many of the guests, etc, etc. All the painstaking preparations we had made for the wedding day had fallen apart.

After my brother-in-law’s wedding, I have not been actively involved in any other wedding. I am determined to overcome all the possible howlers in the next wedding but that would make an Indian wedding very boring and colorless.

I just can’t imagine what could be the next howler? Any creative thoughts please leave behind here

My experiences with a regional outfit

I strongly believe that all commercial establishments have to display their boards in bi-lingual with the local language getting the prominence in font size.

There is a particular regional outfit in Bangalore which claims from the rooftop that it is committed to the cause of Kannada. They have in the recent past carried out many “intensive” protests in this regard. I noticed a commercial establishment near my house which did not have the “statutory” bi-lingual board. I wanted to lodge a complaint with this regional outfit and called them up. This is the conversation translated into English.

Me :- Hello, is this ********
Reply:- Yes
Me:- Sir, I am calling from ***********, there is a shop by name ********, they have not displayed their board in Kannada, If I give you the details or send the picture, will you be able to take action?
Reply:- We cannot act on telephone complaints, you have to come in person.
Me:- ok, sir, please give me your address.
Reply:-************************.
Me:- ok, sir, I will come today evening and lodge a complaint with you.
Reply:- Don’t come alone, come with atleast 50 supporters and a few Tata Sumos. All of you have to join our organisation to take action on your complaint.
Me:- Ok, sir, I will try.

I hung up the phone.

Need I say more?

Travelling by public transport

For 14 years, I was used to traveling by office bus. It has its own pleasures assured timings, specific seat, direct route, etc. The 6th Pay Commission changed all this and the quantum of transport allowance payable for renouncing office transport was too difficult for me to resist.

It is only after I started traveling by BMTC (the only public transport mode in Bangalore) that I realized the advantages it offered. Once I step out of my office, I attain anonymity and I am totally shut off from office politics. It gives me an opportunity to interact with a wide range of people. I have to leave home early since I need to take a minimum of 2 buses to reach office on time. Rains in the evening mean worries for me on how to reach home within a reasonable time. On days when I am lucky I get a bus which drops me a couple of miles away from the office. This provides me a great opportunity to walk down in an array of trees, on the perimeter of Indian Institute of Science campus.

The other day I meet a teenager who reminded me of my college days. He was talking in an audacious way to a girl pretty similar to me. The only difference was that I used to have the limited opportunity of talking to girls only in person. Every evening I come across a fried groundnut seller near Shivajinagar. He makes a brisk business and has a more sound business model compared to the financial institutions and airline operators.

I noticed that BMTC has rapidly improved from my college days. More often than not a person need not wait in a bus stop for more than 15 minutes. If somebody is waiting in a bus stop for long it means either he is in the wrong stop or waiting for someone to come. However, respect for the sanctity of ladies seat has not improved. In Bangalore where traffic rules are not respected even a wee bit; maybe it is wrong to expect such courtesy and compliance. It is more pitiable to notice that very few ladies ask the male occupants to vacate it for them. BMTC has recently introduced “Suvarna” supposed to provide better passenger comfort as compared to the normal buses. Except for the fare, there is nothing premium about these buses.

There is a compulsion from home front to go in for a four wheeler. The emotional argument put forward by my wife is that being an officer, it is pitiable that I am traveling by BMTC bus. I have blocked it putting up an ideological argument of the need for everybody to travel by public transport. Let us see how long I can hold to my position, until then, the travel by the stuffy BMTC buses is an experience to relish.

There is something about the pink color

There is something about the pink color



When a lady wears it she is considered girlie



When a male wears it he is considered metro sexual



When it is painted on the wall it is considered refreshing



When a doctor says “you are in the pink of your health”, you feel elated.



When the same doctor says “you have a pink-eye” it means you have conjunctivitis



Last but not the least you never want to get a pink slip from your employer.

Back to the future

Today morning I woke up to the alarm from my mobile. It stuck to me two decades ago alarm meant from a huge winding clock. I just thought how meanings of various terms have changed/new ones added. Being a compulsive blogger, I thought of keying down some of them. Here are some of them:

Mobile Phone – would have been considered an oxymoron because lifting the good old ITI phone itself required a lot of muscle.

MP3- A third time Member of the Parliament or a telegram code for 3 MPs coming to a certain place?

Mineral Water – Some sort of hard water or one which is released from Mines or steel factories.

Laptop – as in the phrase “She is his laptop”

Desktop – the top of a Godrej office table.

Pen Drive – Right hand drive or left hand drive can be understood, how do you drive with a pen?

Bluetooth – Yellow tooth is what you get because of improper maintenance of your teeth, Bluetooth is possibly what you get by seeing excessive number of B*** films?

www – one of those lecherous graffiti written in the men’s toilet or near public phones.

Broadband – must be one of those terms used in yellow journals to describe a guy with a **** *****, u know what?

Blog – must be a short form for brain clog. People who are obsessed with blogs like me should be having one.

Prepaid – the only thing prepaid those days was movie, bus and train tickets.

Cookies – the ones you got in a bakery.

Virus – the one which came into your body if you are not careful with your food and other habits.


Directory – a book which contained names and telephone numbers.

IT – Income Tax Department

Presentation – one which you gave in glossy colored papers in weddings and birthdays.

PowerPoint – one which you connected your electrical appliances like Radio, TV or Iron Box to make them work.

Attachment – affection and fondness you had towards people or things.

DTH – Did That Happen?

Spam – Sp(iced H) am , tined meat product made from Ham

Wallpaper – the nondescript design sheets that used to be put up in restaurants.

Screensaver – The screen was meant to save you from the harshness of the weather outside, so this term made no sense

Paint brush – an implement used by the painter to spread the paint across the wall or door.


As in the case of my other blogs, this is a hastily written one without any in-depth research or conviction with the sole intention of increasing my blog counts. A lot of terms have been unnecessarily represented here only to prove my non-existent intelligence.

The amazing family functions

Joint family system is a thing of the past and nucleus family is in to stay. The only occasion we get to mingle with our extended family is during family functions like wedding engagements, naming ceremony, house warming, birthdays to name a few. Nowadays they have become public functions like marriages. The simplicity and fun is lost. Family functions in India begin with deciding the menu and invitee list. Each member of the host family has his own favorite dish which he/she would like to be served. If one person’s dish is rejected, the sensitive ones stop talking to other family members for days but everything falls in place on day of the function. Next important agenda is an invitation. Never go uninvited to the function and most insist for a personal invitation (not being served a personal invitation tantamounts to not being invited). Nowadays invitation by phone, email, SMS is also acceptable. I for one don’t miss to attend a family function, no matter what animosity I have towards the host. The main reason I go to a family function (apart from food) is you get a chance to interact with your immediate and extended family in this otherwise busy, mundane urban world. Family functions provide a great opportunity to strike marriage alliances. It also provides a window for love to develop new romances and sometimes rekindle old ones. It is the best moment for burying old hatchets and sometimes creating a new one (for reasons as trivial as I was not invited in a proper way, payasam was not served to me, etc, etc). Family functions provide a platform for displaying your wealth and be snubbed by that odd relative for being too greedy in life. Family functions also help you to update on the latest family gossip (read how bad is the new daughter-in-law of the fifth cousin’s family or how bad are the relations between the husband and wife of a relative). There is always an estranged or busy relative who never comes to any of the functions and becomes a butt of everybody’s jokes who is present in the joke. Food in a family function is such a delightful stuff. Always there is the discussion how good was the vegetable pulav served in “vijaya aunty” grandsons naming ceremony. In my younger days, I remember food in a family function used to be prepared by the relatives themselves. Often the food would land up half-cooked because nobody is used to cooking in such large quantities. Still it was pleasure to have the food and also to take a dig at all those who were in-charge of the cooking. Nowadays everybody goes for catering. Even dishes have become hi-fi and ice cream with gulab jamoon has become boringly mandatory. All said and done, family functions are such a pleasure exercise more so in modern times. It gives us to interact and let our hair down with our very own in a light hearted way. There maybe the odd squabbles but that only adds to the fun. We should teach our younger generation the need for attending and organizing such functions or else they may end up seeing cousins on the email attachments and remember their mobile numbers more than the names. Religious customs permitting please organise family functions on weekends or public holidays. It gives an opportunity to everybody to make it to the functions and enjoy the revelry. Never let go an opportunity to attend a family function. I don’t know if there is concept of a family function in the West, even if it is there, it may not be with the frequency we have in our country. Family functions as organised in our culture are unique and lingers in our memories for long. Feel blessed to attend or organise a family function.

My wardrobe malfunction

Right from 1st standard, I was always awe-stuck with my brother making speeches on Independence Day and other competitions in schools. So when I got promoted to sixth standard (the cut-off for a student to be allowed in these competitions), I readily gave my name when it was called for. The first assignment was to speak on Independence Day about Lal Bahadur Sastriji. With active assistance of my father and the Panasonic two-in-one we had at our home, I practiced the speech over and again. Three days before the event, Dcuna Madam who was in charge of the culturals decided that all the participants will wear a dhoti and make the speech. I never took it seriously and continued with preparing for my speech. My father had taught me how to keep the head at 90 degrees and talk. How to bow to the Judges, the principal, etc and how to maintain eye contact with the audience

The D-day came and all the “freedom fighters” were made to wear dhoti and come to the stage. First it was “Gandhiji”, next “Panditji” followed by “Patelji” and then came my turn “Sastriji”. I stood up to see nearly 900 students in front of me. I immediately realized that public speaking was more than reproducing a prepared speech. All the lessons of my father on the etiquettes of public speaking vaporized from my mind. I was shivering, mumbling the speech when the audience burst out laughing. A wardrobe malfunction had occurred and my dhothi lay on the floor. Obviously, the tension within my body had resulted in this scandalous wardrobe malfunction. Thankfully, I had worn inside the customary half-white pant for Saturday class and any further embarrassment was prevented. I could see my brother feeling for me but I did not want to give up speaking. Despite all the jeers, I continued speaking. To my surprise fear had evaporated and I was able to speak freely. Though I did not win any prize, I did get a special mention from the principal for courageously standing on to speak despite the mishap.

Thankfully, there was no moral police around those days or else a campaign would have lodged against me for intentional wardrobe malfunction, that too in a boy’s school.

Accepting failure is the sign of your inability

Hardly there would be anybody, who has not said “This does not work me”, “No matter how hard I try I cannot succeed”, “What is the use of working hard, I don’t get recognised at my work place?” etc. More often than not it is the excuse of the lazy and the feeble minded. The last named excuse is very commonly used in Government offices by employees who want to get paid without work. Government service is the only place where it is impossible to terminate the services of an employee because he/she is not working.

Sunil Gavaskar says frequently on air “If your knocks (read performances) at the selection committee’s door does not open it, keep knocking (performing) until the knock becomes a thud and the door is broken down”. I will stick to examples of sportsmen to drive home this point better because victory in sports requires a perfect co-ordination of mind, heart and body. A sport exposes everybody no matter how great you are because on the given day even Bradman got out for a blob.

If you get success easily, you will never know how to value and preserve it. This can be explained with the example of sportsmen like L Sivaramakrishnan, Sadanand Vishwanath and Vinod Kambli. All of them were immensely talented, found success at a very early age but could not sustain it possibly because they have never had to strive very hard for it. Mathew Hayden and Damien Martyn were discarded from the Australian team for years but came back into it after years of perseverance and performance. The same is the case with our “Bengal Tiger” Saurav Ganguly. There can’t be a better example of fighting back from the brink than Lance Armstrong, the former Tour De France Cycling Champion. He was given 25% or less chances of surviving a losing battle from Cancer but came from death bed to win six consecutive Tour de France titles. If you feel your health, mental state is the reason for you not to achieve success, please read his autobiography “It is not about the Bike”.

Failure to get success despite one’s best efforts is the true test of an individual’s mettle. If you still have the heart for a fight, you will reach the next level and possibly stay at the top for a long time. I admire Navjoth Singh Sidhu and Rahul Dravid for this attribute. Both were dubbed as strokeless wonders and deemed not fit for one day cricket. We all know how they answered their critics. Mohinder Amarnath never got his due from Indian Cricket but his struggle and efforts to make n+1 number of comebacks could put to shame the fable of King Bruce and the spider. The true test for Sania Mirza has come now given that her ranking has dropped from mid 20’s to 100 plus. I like Dhoni a lot but I want to see if he can maintain his cool and smile even when he goes through a sustained lean patch.

Thus the takeaways for anybody dissatisfied with their progress are:-
Success never comes easily and should never come so. Only those who have achieved success after intense struggle value it.
Those who give up because of failures remain mediocre for the rest of their lives.
Giving up because success did not come your way only exposes your inept laziness, lack of innovativeness and not necessarily lack of opportunities or futility of the task.