Friday, 19 September 2014

Eateries I Liked The Most in Bangalore


Being a foodie to list 10 favorite eating places is difficult because you
don’t know which to leave but at the same time having sold your culinary
buds totally to Indian Food, the list will more like a menu of a
multi-cuisine Indian restaurant. I have randomly listed the eateries I
like in and around Bangalore with a mention of what I liked in those
places:-

1.      Bhagatram – Gulab Jamoon, Carrot Halwa and Chats. No where will you get
better Gulab Jamoons than here!

2.      Taj Hotel, Shivajinagar – Mutton Biryani and most of the mutton items.

3.      Nagarjuna, Residency Road – Full Meals and Chilli Chicken.

4.      Nilgiris, Brigade Road – Cakes and Puffs.

5.      Rice Bowl, Lavelle Road – Chinese Food (which is made only in India :D )

6.      Anachi – Chettinad food items esp Crab preparations.

7.      Anjappar – Chettinad food items and surprisingly Chicken Tikka.

8.      Shilpa Vegetarian, Shivajinagar – North Indian Meals.

9.      Vidayarthi Bhavan, Gandhi Bazar – Masala Dosa

10.     Adyar Ananda Bhavan – Mini Tiffin (The cost is a steal!)

11.     Ullas Refreshment, MG Road – Vegetable Cutlet.

12.     Karthik Sweets, CMH Road – Chats.

13.     Sreeraj Lasi Bar, Shivajinagar – Kulfis, Milk Shakes and Juices.

14      KC Das -        Bengali Sweets.

15.     Berry d’Alive, Indiranagar  – Desserts.

16.     Hotel Janardhana, Ramnagara (enroute to Mysore) – Heavenly Mysore Pak.

17.     Rahams, Mosque Road – Mutton Biryani

18.     Siddique Kabab Centre, St. Johns Road – Kababs, Kababs and more Kababs

19.     Uphara Dharshini, DVG Road, NR Colony – Kadabu and Kesari Bath.

20.     Vasudev Adigas (across Bangalore) –  South Indian Vegetarian.

21.     Barbeque Nation, Indiranagar 100 ft Road – Great Buffet and can hog
till you drop dead.

        Here I should mention that Mutton Biryani in a Muslim Marriage is the
ultimate. The food variety in the yearly Ramzan Food Camp, Mosque Road is
out of earth. Food Street in VV Puram requires a special mention

All the above appear insignificant when compared to a simple Rice-Sambar
or for that matter any dish prepared at home.

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

A Typical Tamil Wedding In Hashtags

No claim of any accuracy is made there may be a lot of omissions. This is
just a random recollection of what happens in a typical Tamil Wedding and
no offences meant. Hope you enjoy the fun
#obsecenlygrand #weddingcards
#megachoultry
#relatives #acceptpersonalinvites #only
#jewelleryshopping
#silksarees
#groomgets #onlycoatsuit #ofhislife
#receptionbeforewedding
#flowergateatentrance
#overflowingmenu
#reception #grosslydelayed
#overcoatedbride
#beautifulgirl #looksscary
#tensedgroom
#perfumesprinklingyounggirlswithrosesinhands
#plasticchairs #tosit
#redsofas #withrustedgoldenhandles #forthefamiliestosit
#thronelikechair #forcouple
#couple #nevergettosit
#overdressedguests
#gawdycolorpackaged #gifts
#envelopecovers
#vipguests #breakingqueues
#videographer #getsvantageposition
#blindinglights
#amateurswithDSLRs
#jarringsoundsystems.
#gossiping #guests
#comparing #thecouple
#tracing #humbleorgins #ofthefamilies
#dinninghall #inbasement
#overcrowdeddinninghalls
#plantainleafs
#smallmineralwaterbottles
#oilypooris
#moreoily #vegetablepulav
#drippinggheesweets.
#iceless #icecreams.
#tambolam
#videographyofdinner
#lateend #toreception
#coupleeating #stalefood
#tonsof #foodwasted
#earlymorningmuhurtam
#nadaswaram
#sleepyeyedfamilies
#bridewithoutmakeup
#looksmorebeautiful #thanwithcoating
#muhurtamneverdelayed
#respect #for #unknownstars
#pujari #rules
#sparsecrowd
#smokeallaround #thepodium
#groom #moretensed #thanyesterday
#videographer #getsthebestview
#gattimelam
#tying #thenuptialknot
#strangers #becomehusbandwife
#bridecries #forltheasttime #in life
#sevenrounds #ofthesacredfire
#seekingblessing #fromelders
#pongal
#couplestart #anewlife

Thursday, 11 September 2014

THE TEN BOOKS THAT INFLUENCED ME THE MOST

Putting out a list of one’s 10 best read books has become a rage on the Facebook. I decided to list it out in a blog why I like them the most?  The list I have made is in the importance of how each of these books changed my way of thinking. Some of these books have been reviewed by me in my blog and hence the hyperlink has been provided. A book I read becomes my favourite when a few concepts, paragraphs, dialogues, etc. stay in my mind much after I have forgotten most of what I read in it.

1.           Simpleology: The Simple Science of Getting What You Want  by Mark Joyner      


2.      Getting Unstuck by Timothy Butler
3.      Museum of Hoaxes by Alexe Boese
If you think critically or want to develop critical thinking, this book is a must read. It lists many hoaxes played on humanity from time immemorial. It should serve as a warning to the gullible masses but alas even the most literate fall prey to glib talkers.

4.      The Small Bachelor by PG Wodehouse
Who would not like P G Wodehouse and as per the master himself this was one of those books which came out easily. If you want a good laugh read this book, you won’t be disappointed. A domineering wife Mrs Waddington; a hen pecked husband H Sigsbee; George Finch; the know all Hamilton Bleamish; the butler & his girlfriend. There is not one page of the book which does not contain a laugh out loud moment. Officer Garroway is the star attraction for me in this book.

5.      Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Catch 22 is for me more a representative of what happens in our offices day to day. The politics, nepotism and favoritism of work places are liberally spread over this book as liberally as snow on the Himalayas during winter. Read this and you will be looking for a copy of this book.
There were three members of the Action Board, the bloated colonel with the big fat moustache, Lieutenant Schheisskopf  and Major  Metcalf, who was trying to develop a steely gaze. As a member of the action board, Lieutenant Schheisskopf was one of the judges who would weigh the merits of the case against Clevinger as presented by the prosecutor. Lieutenant Schheisskopf was also the prosecutor. Clevinger had an officer defending him. The officer defending him was Lieutenant Schheisskopf


6.      The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce
        Given that I love Satire and Sarcasm, this book had to be in my favorite’s list. Written decades ago, the sarcasm in this book is still relevant.

7.      Decline and Fall by Evelyn Waugh
This book is absolutely riveting and mocks the English society. Waugh, another chronicler of the English aristocracy, half a generation younger, shares a lot of turf with Wodehouse, but he worked in a more melancholy vein. Waugh observed the sunset of the English upper classes. For Wodehouse the sun was fixed eternally at noon. (I read this compliment on the web).

8.Top of Form   Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss
Did someone tell you grammar is serious stuff? They said the same thing to me and I believed it till this book came into my life. My grammar has ever since started improving.
9.      Serious Men by Manu Joseph
Do you believe that a lot of serious work takes place in our R&D institutions? Do you believe that there is no cut-throat politics in such institutions? Do you believe Dalits are not discriminated in such institutions? If yes, put aside your bias and read this book written humorously with an open mind written by Manu Joseph who is in the know of things, your opinion will change

10.    The White Tiger by Arvind Adiga
I should not be liking this book but somehow I have read it many a times. It is dark satire with not even a single character with a semblance of positivity. I read this book first in a phase of my life when used to feel that everything was wrong with this world, maybe, that’s why I like this book so much.



Saturday, 23 August 2014

A Few Funny and Sarcastic Status Updates on Facebook

All those who post selfies frequently have a psychological problem
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Atleast they reveal it  
Top of Form

They ask you to be the early bird and scorn when you are the first at office canteen or to leave office 
Top of Form

Chetan Bhagat

5 point someone
3 mistakes of my life
Two States
One night at call centre

Releasing next Half Girlfriend

What next... Zero Author? 

Some actors are so short of expression that in a motion picture they look like still photographs.
Top of Form

It is time Indians understood that an ICU ward is not a wedding podium to crowd it.
Top of Form

Bangalore has no place to dump its garbage and Bangaloreans have no place to park their cars
Top of Form

If silence is golden, I have a golden voice while singing because I go silent when asked to sing.
Top of Form

We are a nation who cannot stand in a queue even for buying masala puri.#indianness
Top of Form

You should see the Tele Shopping Network ads, the interviewers don't even think of being unbiased
There are no permanent friends or enemies in politics as is the case with spots in an office parking lot or urinals.
Top of Form

Journalists are committed to telling truth.... their version of truth.
Top of Form

All those couples who got married or will get married on April 1 have a great sense of humour #Aprilfool
Top of Form

Just like Friday is treated as Weekend, Monday should be treated as warmup day   #mondayblues
Top of Form

YOU

Simple living, high thinking

Me

No thinking, only swiping  
Top of Form

Females driving a vehicle treat accelerator as their husband/boyfriend, always have the foot on it.
Top of Form

The Govt. Of India announced cancellation of all bank notes prior to 2005...
Now some people are eyeing a similar announcement for weddings ....
Top of Form
Bottom of Form

If you want to commit a scam, commit one which will compel Arnab Goswami to question you on behalf of the nation #nationwantstoknow
Top of Form

To err is human, to be perfect is plastic
Top of Form

Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat. 
For every male action, there is a female
overreaction. 
Top of Form

Given the state of roads and heavy rains, Bangaloreans have no shortage of ponds to immerse Ganesha idols
Top of Form

Married life begins after you settle the honeymoon bills not on the date of marriage #marriedlife #honeymoonbills  
A colleague at end of the day, "How was the day?"

Me "Better, unlike yesterday , today there was a wooden plank to sit on the stove " 
Top of Form

The British practiced divide and rule, now the traffic police is doing the same thing with dividers and lane discipline. That is why we Indians break them religously #India #Indiantraffic #bangaloretraffic
Top of Form


Tuesday, 24 June 2014

21 T-Shirt Slogan Ideas for Bangaloreans


1.       My friend trusted the road on a drizzling day and got drowned in a pothole
2.       Even my shadow has learned to `Adjust Madi’.
3.       Drive on the wrong side to reach a place early.
4.       Bangalore has atleast one pub per pothole
5.       I carry a backpack full of coins while travelling by a BMTC bus
6.       I wish the country progressed at the rate a Bangalore auto meter  ticks
7.       Namma Metro will grow by itself.
8.       Potholes are the new lakes of Bangalore.
9.       Roof over the head is passé, aim for an exclusive parking place.
10.   We are proud of our garbage.
11.   Bangalore weather and girls are subject to change without notice
12.   Deadend in Bangalore does not mean end of road.
13.   Footpaths are not for pedestrians.
14.   Driving and talking is the best neck exercise.
15.   You cannot avoid death and traffic jams.
16.   Atleast 4 localities have the same name.
17.   Bonded labour is illegal but tenants are no better.
18.   Terms like stone throw distance and affordable prices are best ignored.
19.   KFC is a bus stop.
20.   Only cattle and dogs  give way to ambulances.

21.   BESCOM brightens your  day by keeping the streetlights on.

Sunday, 25 May 2014

21 Reasons Why LIfe is Beautiful For A Bachelor

21 reasons why life is beautiful for a bachelor
1.       You can eat food of your choice not what is dished out
2.       Throwing wet towel on the bed is not considered insanity.
3.       Length of your hair and shaving schedule are entirely decided by you.
4.       No need to attain mastery in the `Art of waiting endlessly and patiently while your wife shops ’
5.       It is perfectly legal to forget anybody’s birthday including yours.
6.       Even if you fail to recognize a random relative nobody will make you feel miserable like a murderer.
7.       Knowing only six colors red, green, yellow, blue, black and white does not indicate the limitation of your IQ.
8.       You can negative feedback to the chef and he won’t yell back at you `I am going to my mother’s place’
9.       Watching football/cricket match on TV for the whole day does not destroy peace at home.
10.   Your refrigerator shall be free of lipstick; nail polish; two month old ice cream; three year old jasmine flowers and uneaten for ages food.
11.   You don’t have to listen how your mother has pampered you in childhood and spoilt you.
12.   It would never come to your notice even if your neighbour purchased a private jet.
13.   Parents can stay with you and not in old age homes.
14.   You can fight with your siblings and get back on friendly terms the next day itself.
15.   Female contacts in your phone are a threat to nobody.
16.   No need to understand unspoken words
17.   A family size suitcase will be sufficient to accommodate all your clothes, no need to invest in multiple wardrobes.
18.   Going for a weekend trip means a sling bag of clothes and not a family size suitcase
19.   You can get out of either side of the bed.
20.   Chances of developing `Stockholm syndrome’ for television soaps does not exist.
21.   Last but not the least, no need to spend weekends compiling such experiences.



Thursday, 24 April 2014

Horrorscope For Indian Voters



This is the horror-scope for voters for the election season.

Aries (March 21 − April 19) – Due to Saturn following Mars on social media, your impulsive choice vote will deduct Rupees 5 every hour from your account for the next five years.

Taurus (April 20 − May 20) – Due to tussle between Mars and Neptune, you are likely to try to key in your ATM pin into the EVM.


Gemini (May 21 − June 20) – Due to Mars flirting with the Moon, you will listen to your heart and vote for the candidate whom you have all along been ridiculing on social media.


Cancer (June 21 − July 22) – Due to Earth’s conflict with Pluto, your EVM vote will be invalidated.

Leo (July 23 − August 22) – Due to power failure in Neptune, you will find that 1000 people have already cast your vote.


Virgo (August 23 − September 22) – Due to discovery of gold on Moon, Political Parties demand money to allow you to vote.


Libra (September 23 − October 22) – Due to sun feeling ignored by all the planets, your EVM shares with the entire social media which party you have voted for

Scorpio (October 23 − November 21) – Due to Venus coming between Saturn and Jupiter, your non-voting will lead to cancellation of HB1 visa of your nearest family member with intimation to them.

Sagittarius (November 22 − December 21) – Fed up with your indifference to vote, Saturn decides to descend on your holiday plans for the next 30 years.

Capricorn (December 22 − January 19) – Motivated by Saturn, Jupiter decides to put you on yet another MH370 flight

Aquarius (January 20 − February 18) – Due to Venus breaking up with Uranus, the Government sends you a bill of the entire election expenses of your polling booth as a penalty for not voting.

Pisces (February 19 − March 20) -  Due to Jupiter’s continued honeymoon with Venus, you are likely to use the voting day which falls on weekend to go on a vacation with the family and crib on Facebook for the next five years.



Saturday, 12 April 2014

Are You One Of Those Hypocrites Who Talks About Honesty In The System?

There is a new wave going across the country and it is of people talking about honesty in the system which is a good development. I don’t talk about honesty because I don’t know if I am honest. Are you one of those hypocrites who talks about honesty but belong to one of these categories:-
1.       Those who as a lobby pick up as a worthless penny stock rig its price and sell it when the suckers are in.
2.       Those who rig the weights and cheat their customers.
3.       Those who charge their customers exorbitantly.
4.       Those who sell counterfeit goods.
5.       Those who suck blood of the poor in the name of interest on loans.
6.       Those who steal electricity.
7.       Those who flout all the construction norms of a city and build houses/business establishments that encroach upon the footpath and public property.
8.       Those who buy a daily bus pass but don’t sign on it and try it to use it for their entire staff. (seen it happening in Bangalore, unless the conductor threatens to tear the daily pass they don’t sign on it)
9.       Those who try every trick in the book to avoid paying taxes.
10.   Those who try to negotiate with the traffic cops after being caught.
11.   Those who load a truck load of goods into a small carriage van and try to transport it.
12.   Those who remit money to and from India through hawala.
13.   Those who smuggle gold and precious stones to make that extra profit.
14.   Those who put profits in a business ahead of safety practices.
15.   Those who drink and drive.
16.   Those who break traffic rules without rhyme and reason.
17.   Those who misuse official machinery and power for personal gains.
18.   Those who enjoy fixed matches despite knowing their credibility.


Sunday, 6 April 2014

Taming of the Fair Shrew

If the plight of an individual asked to blunt the thorns on a cactus plant seems absurd to you, how would you describe the plight of Robert Clive, a store manager at `Aristocracy’ who had been asked to supervise whitening the black granite flooring of his shop. He would have chucked his job but for the fact that his new owner Saravanan had doubled his salary a few hours ago.
                He could not fathom why his new owner targeting him because he had just finished whitening Saravanan’s mobile cover with correction fluid. Sarvanan was humiliating Robert Clive only to make him realize that color does not matter.
                It was yesterday that Saravanan’s dark skinned daughter Lakshmi stepped into `Arsitocracy’ to check out on the attitude of Robert Clive, the store manager. He could sell an Armani suit to a client who came to purchase a tie pin but at the same time he considered dark skinned and simple dressed customers as `Middle Class Window Shopping Pests’. He himself was British White thanks to one of his great great grand mothers working for his namesake from history. He even spoke his mother tounge Tamil with an angelical accent.
                Lakshmi, who the founder member of  SLHIT (Simple Living and High In Thoughts) group and disliked appearing in public like a fancy store on two legs.  Clad in a pair of old jeans; untied hair; without a trace of make-up and a Nokia 3100 in hand she had stepped into `Aristocracy’.
Robert Clive who always stood on the first floor overlooking the entrance, without a second thought rated her as a Middle Class Pest (MCP). He had a special drill to humiliate such intruders. On spotting such a customer making an entry, he would hum the song `Mera Jootha Hain Japani’  to indicate the perceived low class of the intruder. As a part of the drill, the sales personnel first would reluctantly answer the customer and if that did not succeed they would start saying `that’s too costly’ for any question the customer asked. At the peak, the customer would find everything he/ she touched being sprayed with room perfume. Lakshmi got the full course of treatment but left the store with calmness of a sage on her face.

As Robert Clive was supervising whitening the black granite flooring, in stepped Lakshmi, screaming `Hi, Appa’ and hugged Sarvanan. Robert Clive realized that his time was up and proceeded to walk out. Saravanan put his hands across Robert’s shoulder and said `No need to quit the job. It was just to make you realize the importance of individuals and non-importance of their color and dress. Remember, we are in business, if you disregard dark skinned customers, they will show you the fairest part of their body, bottom of their foot’. Thus, ends taming of the fair shrew.



Thursday, 3 April 2014

This Would Have Definitely Happened If Social Networking Had Been Present When Manmohan Desai Made His Movies

Manmohan Desai movies have a charm of their own. Long lost brothers, family songs, villain dens hidden behind garage doors and such other absurd logic were rampant in his movies. People who grew up in the 70s and 80s were awestruck even knowing that those were not possible in real life. Even the Big B has acknowledged in a few interviews that he used to laugh when MKD used to narrate the sequences. This piece of writing is just an imagination of how MKD would have used social networking in his movies, if they had been present during his time. Here are the 12 possible scenarios I could conceive of:-
1.   Long lost brothers would have found themselves on Facebook through a family status update.
2.   The suggested friends list of both the brothers will always show each other’s profile.
3.   Twitter would have permitted more than 144 characters for the hero to express regards to his mother.
4.   The Elder Brother will be permitted to give more than a 1000 likes for the same photograph of his younger brother.
5.   The Hero’s relationship status will always show `waiting for my sisters to get married’.
6.   The Villain’s den will be hidden in one of those Farmville Mountain.
7.   The Police Commissioner who is watching Hero’s progress on `Criminal Case’, impressed by his progress, directly appoints him as the head of special police.
8.   Hero returns to his depilated home 20 years later to find his laptop working, from which he logged into Facebook just before the Villain destroyed his family.
9.   The Villain’s den is found by the hero thanks to a fish aquarium in his profile picture.
10.                Hero blocks the guys troubling his sister from Facebook itself.
11.                The Heroine first reports the Hero to FB for harassment, FB plays ball with the hero. Later she blocks him and finally adds him to her friends list.
12.                Last but not the least, The Villain gang’s secret code is `Orkut’


…..Continued

Saturday, 7 December 2013

N+ 1 important reasons with which parents compel their daughters to get married

Important reasons used by parents to coerce their daughters to get married:-

1.       The boy holds a US green card.
2.       This boy’s house is demanding ½ the dowry which the previous one asked for.
3.       The boy’s mother is dead and he has no sisters, things cannot get better for you.
4.       The boy’s father has a lot of property and he is the only son.
5.       I want to marry off, both you and your younger sister before I retire.
6.       If you wait any further, it will be difficult to find a groom.
7.       This is the right age for girls to get married.
8.       He is your uncle’s son; you are bound to marry him.

Reason 9 to N+1,  We can no longer put up with your tantrums and shopping bills, it is time somebody else took on your responsibility :P :D

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Dummy's guide to staying single (Part II)

Here are the 13 myths you should overcome, if you want to remain single and happy:

  1. Behind every successful man there is a woman
  2. Face is the index of mind.
  3. Marriage shall double my happiness.
  4. She comes from a joint family so she will adjust with my parents and siblings.
  5. The girl will come as beautifully dressed, be mild mannered and obedient as she appeared on the first day I saw her.
  6. My mother likes her
  7. The snacks served to me at her home were all made by her.
  8. As a colleague, she always helped me in finishing my presentations.
  9. The one day she came to my bachelor’s accommodation, she arranged all the mess.
  10. As a girl friend, she laughs and smiles even at my failings.
  11. My day turns out to be fabulous every time I see her in the morning.
  12. With my positive attitude I will prove that the jokes on marriage are just that.
  13. She is employed so she will be realistic in her expectations about her husband.

Dummy's guide to staying single (Part I)

Indian Bachelor's who want to stay happy can follow these to stay happy & be. These are 21 important reasons parents give their son's to get them married. If you can master responses to these you can stay single :-


1.       You are getting old, look at your friends they have school going children.
2.       Get married now, only than your children will be well settled by the time you retire.
3.       Get married so that there is somebody to cook for you when you become old.
4.       I am scared of the girls who are your friends on Facebook.
5.       Grandmother or grandfather is serious and would like to see you married before they die.
6.       I have promised your uncle to bring his daughter to this home as daughter in law.
7.       Your uncle has lot of property, all will be lost if somebody else marries his daughter.
8.       Everybody is asking me why your son is not interested in marriage, is he gay?
9.       I want to see my grandchildren before I die.
10.   That month is the best muhurtam you will get in 20 years.
11.   As per your horoscope, if you don’t get married this year, you can’t get married for the next 10 years.
12.   You require a wife to control your erratic behaviour.
13.   They have agreed to make your sister as their daughter in law if you marry their daughter.
14.   Getting married is the law of nature.
15.   Before you go abroad get married, I want a daughter in law only from our caste.
16.   Hotel food is not good for health.
17.   You are a doctor, she is also a doctor, and you both can start a clinic of your own.
18.   Your great grand uncle went bankrupt because he was unmarried.
19.   I have seen this girl, she suits for our family.
20.   You have a good salary, get married.
21.   I am fed up of taking care of the family, kitchen, etc., I want rest.


Sunday, 25 August 2013

Bakrapur to UB City - The Legend of Urban Baba - Chapter 3

previous chapter
http://balu036.blogspot.in/2013/07/bakrapur-to-ub-city-legend-of-urban.html

THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, DON’T LOOK FOR FACTUAL ACCURACIES

Chapter 3The Slaying of AnAsura


When AnAsura heard about Sage Viparyasa’s vow, he laughed it off by saying `what sort of sage he is if continuance of his penance depends on a suraksha chakra? Let him execute his vow, I care a damn about it. I know my death is destined to be caused by the trick of the Devas but before that happens I will scare the shit out of them’.
Soon, a severe battle raged between the Devas and Asuras. This battle was fought in the now Bakrapur which always was a favorite hunting ground for the Asuras. It was a do or die battle for both and the Devas were loosing it badly. AnAsura was a brilliant strategist and he was in his elements during the battle. When at a particular point during the battle Devas were gaining the upper hand, AnAsura ordered his army to scatter and run towards summit of the mountain peak. Though initially puzzled, Devas thought that the Asuras were running for their life and went on a hot pursuit.

The Asura army ran with all its might and reached top of the peak, which was full of big boulders. AnAsura asked his men to push the boulders down with all their might towards the Devas. This gruesome tactic pulverized the Devas army and they had to run hither and thither.  AnAsura taking advantage of the fear that had crept in the enemy’s mind ordered his army to attack from all the four sides. The Devas suffered huge losses and had to beat a hasty retreat when the sun set. The next day the Devas army fought fiercely to keep the Asura army at bay.

While on war campaigns, AnAsura was an egalitarian, he slept and ate with his army. That day after the battle, he had dinner with his Army. It was that day of the week when AnAsura refrained from liquor and his army grudgingly though followed suit. Instead of liquor, at end of the dinner kher used to be served. Asuras were sensing victory and this reflected in the grandness of the dinner. There was a lot of good food; beef; goat and every other creature whose flesh could be eaten. There were a lot of women from, now Bakrapur to satisfy carnal pleasures of the Asura army. They were getting ready for the night ahead.

Dinner was served, it was time for the kher and as it was the norm, AnAsura never consumed a sweet dish before one of his soldiers did so and survived the mandatory time limit for a poison to take effect. The same was ensured on that day also before he and his army had kher. AnAsura was mightily pleased with the taste of kher.  Intentionally during battles, the worst cook was assigned with the task of preparing a sweet dish. AnAsura could not believe that his worst cook had conjured such a heavenly kher. AnAsura got a whiff of suspicion but he dismissed this thought because a solider had already tasted the kher and was still alive. He had one more serving of the Kher but was not satisfied and ordered for one more serving, as he lustily eyed the young girl he had chosen for the night. She looked like a doll that had been given life. AnAsura wondered how beautiful her mother, sisters and aunts would be. He decided that next day he would send a few soldiers and capture all the womenfolk of her family who were in the productive age and enjoy them one by one. As he raised the third bowl of offering to drink it, a strange fragrance spread in the air and a chilling stillness came into the life around him. Ignoring the signs, AnAsura happily thrust the third bowl of kher into his mouth and slowly began to drink it. He tried to lower the bowl from his mouth to catch some breath but it would not budge. It was impossible that a mere earthen bowl could become a burden for the mighty arms of AnAsura.  He let go off the bowl but it would not fall down as it was stuck deep into his mouth. The flow of kher was not stopping and as AnAsura saw from the corner of his eyes; his entire army was having the same problem. What began as a trickle soon became a gushing fountain with every drop getting directed into his mouth. AnAsura realized that he had been duped by the Devas. He was on the verge of collapsing whilst his men had already collapsed. As he was getting inundated with kher, he remembered the time when he meditated to Lord Shiva for immortality. He remembered the boon, the limitation and how all his plans to counter that had now came to a naught.
AnAsura was a great devotee of Lord Shiva. At a very early stage in his life, he realized that Devas were superior to Asuras when it came to deceit.  He decided that attaining immortality would be the only way to win Devas. Lord Shiva was the only god who was favourably disposed towards Asuras and AnAsura decided to seek the boon from him. He embarked upon a rigorous penance to please Lord Shiva.

The Devas did all that was possible to distract AnAsura from his penance. They used strong winds; heavy rains; raging fires; dangerous wild animals; poisonous reptiles; beautiful girls and even an offer of peaceful co-existence if he gave up his penance but nothing budged AnAsura from his penance. Lord Shiva knew what AnAsura would ask, hence, did not appear before him for many years but beyond a point he could not resist giving dharshan. He decided to test AnAsura’s much famed bravery before granting him a boon. Lord Shiva appeared before AnAsura, blessed him and said ` get up AnAsura, what is that you want from me to carry out your evil designs?’

AnAsura was not pleased with the words of Lord Shiva, yet he woke up with all the diligence and replied `God, you know what I want to ask, yet you want me to say that I want the boon of immorality’
`That is not possible, a boon of immortality to an Asura will result in destruction of the three worlds, ask something else’
`I have the army, strength and the riches; I don’t want any of them. I only want the boon of immortality’
` You cannot become immortal, you are born to die at the hands of a Deva, ask for something else’
`You may decide not to grant me the boon of immortality or even kill me at this very moment. If you go away without granting me the boon, I will reduce myself to ashes. The burden of my death will fall on your head. Either you give the boon or fight and kill me’

Shiva’s eyes became red and he stomped his Trishul. The entire surrondings began to shake; birds which had returned to their nests began to fly panic stricken; animals ran crazily; the reptiles went deeper into their holes and fruits began to vaporize but AnAsura stood still staring Lord Shiva eye to eye. The battle of the stares continued for a while and finally Shiva calmed down. He said `Dear child AnAsura, I was testing your bravery and you proved it. I am happy but I cannot give you the boon of immortality. However, I will give you a boon that you will die only during a battle but your death will not happen because of a weapon nor any living form but due to a sweet dish’

AnAsura too knew deep in his mind that it would be next to impossible to get the boon of immortality and this was the best he could get. Before he could agree, he wanted to weaken the possibilities of his death and said `Thank you, oh! Lord Shiva, thank you. I will accept your boon but with two conditions’

`Tell me, what are those conditions, I will grant them without any further ado’
`First, it is only after the third consecutive consumption of a sweet dish that I should die. When I die my soldiers will become orphans and will be tortured by the Devas. Hence, my army should die with me’
Lord Shiva impressed with him, said `so be it’ and disappeared.
AnAsura came back to his kingdom and started his conquest immediately. The Devas knew about the boon that Lord Shiva gave AnAsura and its limitation. They tried to kill AnAsura by poisoning his sweet dish but it did not go beyond the mandatory tasting by a random soldier. To add to their woes was the fact that the worst cook of AnAsura was assigned to cook sweet dishes.  His cooking was so bad that nobody could complete the first serving, leave alone going in for a third serving. Further, Devas could never plant a mole in the camp of AnAsura because the integrity of his men was impregnable.

The flow of kher had become a deluge and AnAsura was nearing his end. He could not even cry at his fate. The kher was overflowing from his body, first it poured out of his nose, then ears and finally through the eyes. The flow of kher kept on increasing and did not stop till his body split into four. AnAsura was killed by the Devas as was his army. The architect of this victory was Viparyasa.

The plan to eliminate AnAsura was hatched by Sage Viparyasa on previous evening of the infamous whacking that Devas got at the hands of AnAsura. Sage Viparyasa put forward his proposal that consisted of two stages to eliminate AnAsura. The first stage was invisible Deva cooks along with Sage Viparyasa would be present on the destined evening at the Asuras’ kitchen. They would add heavenly flavours and make the entire food delicious and intoxicating.  Considering the fact that, the particular Asura cook made very bad kher, it was decided that no purpose will be served by any value addition to it. Instead, the Devas cooks would replace the Asura sweet dish with a similar one made by them. Since, the dish did not contain any poison; it would pass `The Random Soldier Test’.  After the Asuras had the second successive serving, Sage Viparyasa would say a mantra and convert the kher bowls into Akshaya Patras. Next, he will release the `Lepa Astra’ into the air which will ensure that the bowls will get glued to the mouth of Asuras and subsequent deluge of Kher would choke them to death. The plan was dismissed since it was inhuman and impractical, especially Sage Viparyasa and the Deva cooks reaching the Asura kitchen in an invisible mode and  replacing the sweet dish made by Asuras with theirs. However, Sage Viparyasa decided to stay put keeping in mind the weak position in which the Devas were in.

After the whacking, elimination of AnAsura by the Devas became inevitable and it seemed that the only viable option to eliminate AnAsura was the plan offered by Sage Viparyasa. That night the plan was discussed intensely by Devas at a secret location.

One of the Devas said `do we have a better alternative than what Sage Viparyasa has proposed?’
Another replied `does that mean we should become heinous?’
The third one butted in by saying `rather than lose our humanity, we lose our head fighting’
The first one got back into the argument in a sharp and vitriolic way `Yes, we will only lose our heads fighting and tales of our powers, goodness, powers and morality will vanish. The Apsaras will become Asuras girlfriends and secrets of the Amrith will become known to them. Thanks to Lord Shiva, we cannot kill AnAsura on the battlefield and the only option available is to take chance with Sage Viparyasa’s plan’
The fourth supported him by saying ` we have a lot of precedence which suggest that if the interest of Devas (must be read as interest of humanity) is to be served, there is no harm in using foul means to kill an Asura’.

There was consensus about killing AnAsura through this method. The chosen time was the next day’s dinner because on that day of the week AnAsura refrained from having liquor and had a sweet dish at end of the dinner. All that was left now was, the question how to replace the sweet dish made by the Asura cook with the one made by the Devas? A few unimportant Apasaras did the job and the rest as they say is history.


Me, Books, and an Audible Milestone

 I can confidently boast that I am more receptive to technology than most 50 year olds. Right from learning how to use the Internet, to writ...